BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18939, 9 December 1929, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) There is a big discussion over whether there is a material hell or not. It is immaterial to me. The Camera and Stribling contests have resulted in a couple of fouls. And it is nothing to crow about. The Cabinet Ministers have praised the Gardens. This is a welcome relief from the stereotyped: “ I think the Avon is too beautiful.’* The Highway Board announce they are appointing joint traffic inspectors. It would be a good idea to get doublejointed ones so that they could invent new signals. The new Nurses’ Home is to be eight stories. And how the Hospital Board filched the land—that’s another story. The Port and City League offer £5 for a slogan. Here’s mine: The Port and City— The “ and ” is the pity. . Yes, Mr Chrystall, the editor will give you my address. “ I hope to see yer back before long,” said the Brighton host when the young ladies were leaving. “ Oh, yes,” they replied, “we have the latest fashionable bathing dresses.” In a comprehension test a pupil was asked to explain the meaning of: “ He threw up the sponge.” The answer he gave was, “ He ate the sponge and was sick.” “And did he live to tell the tale?** asked a listener, after the story of a man’s amazing adventure had been told. “ Oh, yes,” replied the story-teller. “ He has done nothing else ever since.” Modern meanings of old sayings: “ Even the best of friends sometimes fall out,” remarked the airman as ha strapped his passenger in the cockpit. As the old lady handed the vagrant a few coppers, she remarked: “Ah, my poor man, it must be awful to want work and be unable to find it! ” “Yes, mum,” he replied, “it must be! ** After watching Sydenham bat on Saturday, I can quite understand the frame of mind of an American visitor who was taken to Lord’s to see his first test cricket match. It happened to be a slow game, and the Englishman, one of those enthusiasts, filled his guest -with numerous historical facts about the game. “ The first cricket match was started about 1550,” he said. “ Oh, yes,” murmured the Yank politely, “and who’s winning?” The students were holding a debate on Saturday night. “ I have all my brightest ideas in my bath,” declared the speaker, who was holding the floor, but by no means the house. Immediately another gentleman arose and said: “Mr Speaker, sir, I propose that this house adjourn in order that the gentleman may take a bath.” A mayor who owed his prosperity more to hard work than to education was making his farewell speech after a strenuous year of office. “ Ladies and gentlemen,” he began, “ to-night I finish my year of morality. To-morrow I resume my normal 1"^.” A certain convivial young fellow dealt and bid a No Trump; all passed. Dummy put his hand down and lemarked:— “ Well, I can’t imagine what you bid No Trump on when I have three ..ces and four kings.” “ Well, if you want to know,” the declarer said, “ I bid on one jack with two queens and three cocktails.” Mrs Brown had been to a cricket match. When she returned home her family asked how she had enjoyed it. “ Oh, it was too thrilling for words,** she replied. “ I saw Mrs Smith there with a man who wasn’t her husband.” Sadie: “I’m going out to buy a book.” Gertie: “A book?” “ Yes: my husband bought me the most wonderful reading lamp yesterday.”