FUN AND FANCY

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18644, 22 December 1928, Page 17 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY

They were twins. It was bathing time, and from the twins’ bedroom came sounds of hearty laughter and loud crying. Their father went upstairs to find out the cause. “What’s the matter up here?” he asked. The laughing twin pointed to his brother, who was still crying. “Nothing,” he giggled, “only nurse has given Gcorgie two baths and I haven’t had one at all.” x :: 3 The young man who had just returned from Africa fancied he was a great explorer, and was guilty of considerable exaggeration in his accounts of his travels, lie was seated in the drawingroom with a circle of admiring friends. “Yes,” he was saying, "and as I fought my way through the impenetrable jungle, strange wild birds swooped down and attacked me, pecking fiercely at my head—-—” “Say ! ” broke in a sceptic, “they were woodpeckers!” She: “Mother asked me to object t> the use of the word ‘obey’ in the ceremony when we were married.” He: "And what did you tell her?” She: “I said I’d let it stand. I told her you could take a joke as well as any man.” Jones: “Why do you call your dog Sausage?” Brown: “Because he’s hallbred.” “I’m awfully sorry,” he apologised, as he trod violently on his dancing partner’s toes. “Don’t mention it,” said she, sweetly, “I’ve been a stamp collector for years!”

Orator: “On the surface things are often right; it is when we explore their depths that we see the deceptions.” One of the Crowd: “You’ve been buying a barrel of apples, haven't you?” X X X An old man who was having his eyes tested for spectacles was asked if he could read the words on a card pinned to the wall. “No, sir.” “Go a little nearer. Now can vou read them?” “No, sir.” The optician took the old man’s arm and pushed him till he was almost touching the card. “Surely you can read now?” “No. sir. You see, I never learned to spell.” X X X He had gone into the gipsy fortuneteller’s tent at the show, and was getting his money’s worth. “Sir.” whispered the dark-eyed damsel, after he had crossed her palm with silver, “sir, beware! A bitter foe will cross you path.” The man started violently. “When?” he asked. "Next week?” The girl looked once again at his hand. “ Yes, most likely,” she said. “ Then,” observed the man, “it’s a poor look-out lor the foe. I’m beginning a fortnight’.: motoring tour next week.” A couple had been married just long enough for the novelty to have worn off, and the girl was beginning to find her feet, as her mother would undoubtedly have put it. “Before we were married, George,” she complained, “you always took a taxi, but now the. bus seems good enough. In fact, anything is good enough for me.” Her husband frowned, for he seemed to be in rather a difficult fix. “No, darling,” he mur-

mured, “don’t think that. You see, I'm so proud of you, and if I took you in a cab there would be nobody to see you, whereas I can show you off to dozens in the bus!" Cross-Examining Counsel: Don’t you think you are straining a point in j r our explanation? Witness: Possibly I am, but you often have to strain things to make them clear. X X X “I suppose it was poverty brought you here?" said the visitor to the convict prisoner. “Oh. no,” replied the close-cropped one. “Before I came here I was coining money.” “Professor, do you think I’ll ever be able to do anything with my voice?” "Well, it might come in handy in case of shipwreck.” "Will you lend me five pounds for a month, old boy?” “Listen, silly! What does a month-old boy want with five pounds?” “What do you think of the board of directors of the new company?” “Half of them are capable of nothing, while the rest are capable of anything.” An old lady who presented a cheque at the bank was told that, being crossed, it could not be cashed over the counter. “Very well, I’ll come round,” she replied. The vicar was expostulating with one of his parishioners. “Mrs Jones,” he said, “on looking round the Sunday school for the last three weeks, I have failed to observe your Alfred. I much fear he is learning to play truant." “Oh, no, sir,” said the woman, earnestly. "It .can’t be that, I’m sure. Why, we don't keep a pack of cards in the house.”