BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18643, 21 December 1928, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) Heard at “ Hit The Deck *’^ Pretty girl: Where’s your chivalry ? Jack Tar: Where’s my what? Pretty girl: Where’s your chivalrv. Jack Tar: My chivalry. Oh! I traded it in for a Buick. A foreign pianist had been engaged as accompanist to an aspiring amateur singer in a North Island town. The singer had been flat nearly all through her songs at the first rehearsal, and the pianist, losing his temper, said mournfully: “ Madam, it is of no use. I gif tip der chob. I blay der black keys, 1 blay der white keys—and always you sing in der cracks! ” “Can any boy tell me how many elements there are?” “ I can, miss. There’s two—beer and tea! ” “ Whatever makes you say that? “ Well, father always says he’s in his element when he has a bottle of beer, and mother says the same when she’s drinking tea.” k « Parson: “Do you know where little boys go to when they sn3°Le?” Boy: “Yes; up the alley.” Our favourite traffic cop tells this Jones: “ Do you believe there’s safety in numbers?” Skorcher: “Yes. Whenever I’m exceeding the speed limit I put some other chap’s number on my car.” j{ j? According to Professor Kulik, a large meteorite can spread destruction over thousands of square miles. Probably something like that hit the Reform Party. XXX A Choir Boy: “Why did you stop singing in the choir?” Former colleague: “Because one day I was absent, and somebody asked if the organ had been mended.” XXX Wife: “Before you were married you said mother could stay with us whenever she pleased.” Husband: “Yes, certainly—but she doesn’t please.” Mrs Nurich: “I told Widow Downes to send her boy to you and you’d give him a positiorf.” Mr Nurich: “Well, I didn't give him no position. He came with a note from her, an’ she said in the note, ‘I must find employment for my boy even if he works for a mere pittance.’ The nerve of her callin’ me ‘a mere pittance! ’ ” X X X Colombo Street shopkeeper (rebuking assistant for rudeness to a customer) : 4 John, you must remember the golden rule of business —the customer is always right.” John: “Well, sir, he said you were a hungry old swindler ! ” * yt * “Why, you are a stranger! exclaimed the youth in the bright socks to the pretty girl outside the post office. She drew herself up to her full height. “I think,” she remarked in icy tones, “you are making a mistake. We have never met before.” “Just what I said,” replied the youth, cheerfully. “You are a stranger.” XXX Moses supposes that what he proposes Disposes of Kellogg’s pact. But everyone knowses how dull Moses prose is, And supposes the pact ratifact. XXX News items from abroad— The drought has (has not) broken in Queensland. The Treaty was not ratified by the American Senate. Soviet agents are suspected of fomenting the rebellion in . A revolution has broken out in (South America). It is still raining at Otira. The Mayor last night said that tennis is a recreation, not a vocation. He must have been reading Tilden. Woolley said: “The worst that can now happen is a glorious defeat,” and it did. He continued that “England may yet have to get an awkward number of runs.” I don’t know if this has got anything to do with it, but my old mother alwa\ r s used to say when I was fifteen years old that that was the awkward age. XXX

It is reported that at a meeting of Frothbldwers last night, a vote of appreciation of his services was carried to a member who very gallantly attempted to rescue the few unsmashed bottles of beer in the collision yesterday. Replying, the member concerned expressed regret that somebody else had got in first. At the Magistrate’s Court—Traffic Cop: Yes, your Worship, he smelt of drink something awful. Accused: I hadn’t had a drop. I’d just passed the beer collision. X X X I don’t know what the colours of the United Party are, but it seems to me that Mr Clyde Carr’s are not even pink. X X X If the American Senate isn’t verj' careful they’ll finish up without navy or pact. About the meteorite ’ that did so much damage in Russia. I bet Mr Owen would have had something to say if it had fallen on his river bank. It has always been conceded that Tit is woman’s privilege to change her mind, but froni the fuss we’re making about Miss Sargood you’d think it was the first time it had ever been done. X X X The Prohibition agents wouldn’t pass a compass into America because there was alcohol in it. I hear they’re going to put an embargo on mules, too. They’ve got too much kick. The ex-Kaiser’s sister, the wife of the spectacular young Zoubkoff, has been offered £50,000 for a lecture. Mr Zoubkoff must be lucky. He must have had £IOO,OOO worth of free lectures already. It reminds me of the lawyer’s office boy who gets £IOOO a year—£l a ■week in cash and the rest in legal advice. _______________