BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17890, 5 July 1926, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME REFLECTIONS AND COLLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) A Lyttelton correspondent says that you’ve got to live near the waterfront to realise what the vulgar boat song sounds like in its natural setting. To-day’s true* lie:—After one of the players in the Merivale-Linwood match had been warmly congratulated by the opposing side on the scoring of his magnificent try, a Merivale forward and a Linwood forward collided. They picked each other up, apologised for their carelessness, and .shook hands, while the referee kissed them amid the hearty applause of the assembled multitude of barrackers.

This is true. A man and his wife, meaning to go to Lancaster Park on Saturday, boarded by mistake a car bound for Monica Park. When the Lancaster Park stop was announced they started to get- off the car, and were farewelled by a yell of: “All amateurs get off here!”

He is only a little fellow really and they say he is furry. Whether that is so or not is purely a matter for conjecture, but small as he is and furry or not he is capable of laying strong men low. Not only low' but under. If once he gets his grip, that is altogether out of proportion to his puniness, on you, you can count on at least half a guinea of 'vours that you will no longer count on as yours. Fight the little fellow’ and he fights back, nothing gives him more pleasure than to see you walking or rather stumbling this way and that in an endeavour to shake him off. For tenacity of purpose this little fellow has got the bull-dog backed off the map, and if he decides that you are to be his next victim’ you may as well sreld at once and go to bed. Don’t bother vour head about convention or the Sheets, just get in with your boots on, three pr four shirts., an overcoat or two and all the eiderdowns you can find. In this way you will fortify yourself against this little fellow who is either furry or not, and in this you have your only means of enticing him to leave you. He will leave you after three or four days. When he' leaves you, you will not be you but only half of you. The other half of you you won’t need because you see you are only half of you now and you can w’rap a few of the eiderdowns round you to fill up the bulges in the clothing that belongs to you, and then although you are only half of you, people w r ill think you are all of you.

Some people say that this little fellow either furry or not furry is called influenza or ’flu. ’Flu is only permitted to those who have made his acquaintance. Those who . have not made his acquaintance must call him influenza. That’s proper. I heard this morning that he was. furry or not furry, the . prevalentscourge. Scourge is hardly the word. Gretta, the Friesian cow, with her record of 76.6531 b of butter-fat, must be a source of satisfaction to her owner. Even if he does not bow down before, the golden calf, I bet he raises his hat to it. There is a man lives near me and he is alw’ays hogging it. Parades his wealth before his fellow’ tram passen-. gers in a way that starts revolutions. You know the price eggs are now... Well, he goes to tow’n with some all round his mouth, just to show he can afford them for breakfast. Y'oung ladies! have your knees dimples? Latest Home news confirms the report of the bare knee-ness of the English summer season, and this in spite of the wet, so the fashj'on will be here by September. Be ready. Madame Vogue, in the Perfect Ladies’ Journal, says that serviceable dimples can be formed by puckering up the skin and fixing with sticking plaster. At the end of a month the skin stays put. “Freddy” Cooke rightly praises Mr J. Drummond's book, “The Life of the Moa." I have read it myself, and know what I am saying. It is “a bird.” It is alleged that the Labour Partv promoted an art union to meet the expenses of two Labour candidates. Well, why shouldn’t one lottery be used to asist another? M Si M “Is your office cold?” asks an advert. We never thought to inquire; but we are, frequently. The June just past was the driest in twenty-four years. Had a certain American law been in force in New Zealand June would have been drier still. At a recent league match high words were exchanged and a fight resulted. It is understood several of the members concerned left the field very “oneeyed.” Burglars operated tw’ice in a week at Ashburton. This should bring Ashburton into the Burglary Cup finals. In the case of a Wellington estate agent being drunk while in charge of a car, it was advanced that the car, not the man, was at fault. In fact, the report seemed to ind.cate that the car was full of high spirits.