NAMING THE BABY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16905, 2 December 1922, Page 12

NAMING THE BABY.

“ATROCITIES” BY PARENTS. The East End jeweller who named his small son Plato, because he said that it would “ add a polish to his business,” would, in a less tolerant age, undoubtedly have received fitting punishment for fiis act, says a writer in a London paper. In Sweden they have long been endeavouring to stamp out such parental malpractices. while the Norwegian Government intend to restrain these would-be artistic efforts by passing a measure to protect inoffensive bantlings from being labelled, and incidentally labelled for life, with such names as Mordecai, Lizzie Joanna, Sennacherib, Mordemby, or their Norwegian equivalents.

During the South African War people persisted in calling their offspring after the personalities and pieces of the campaign, with the result that, years after, countless unfortunates woke up one bright morning to the realisation that their full names were Adolphus Bloemfontein Brown, oz.' Jem© Mate king Jones. The same thing is one of the less pleasant legacies from the recent war. So I am organising a campaign to stop frivolous and vexatious nomenclature by the introduction of a Children’s (Misdescription) Bill. It is intended to prevent such cases as that of the unhappy gentleman yclept Cuthbert Habakkuk. . The , citlo “ Cuthbert ” denotes “ wellknown splendous,” but it is a little difficult to reconcile this same splenci ur with its owner of the name. The name Habakkuk, while it has a Biblical ring about it, is equally inept, as the trouble is that one doesn’t know what should be expected of a Habakkuk —except that Voltaire said that a man "■with such a name would be “capable of anything.” Emily means “ maid of battle.” Just imagine what a stirring conflict might arise if she and Cad-wallader (“ an arranger of battles,” and Boanerges (“ son of thunder ”) had their habitat under one roof and endeavoured to live un to their several names! Now under my Act a great deal of mischief created by ambitious but misguided parents would be prevented. As soon as Clarence Marmaduke or Grizel awoke to the fact that the state of affairs was intolerable they could, by suing through their best friends (other than parents), get their namgs changed to John or Mary under the compassionate clause of the C.M.A., while father and mother and all the other conspirators would be mulcted in fines, the heaviness of which would be graduated ti the gravity of the offence. Asaph denotes a collector. What, I ask, is the use of such a name unless cee is going to work for the income tax authorities or become a butterfly or stamp chaser? The plump girl whose name is Dorcas goes into the wood shed and weeps silent tears of mortification when she finds that it means “gazelle.” Surely Tom, Dick, Harry, John and William for boys, and Mary, Kate. Rose, Iris and Joan for girls are simple and safe enough for any parent to select.