ROUND THE TOWN.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 12065, 21 July 1917, Page 8

ROUND THE TOWN.

t am • Snapper up of Unconsidered Trifli*. "With a view to brightening up ths newspaper records of Police Court proceedings, it may be suggested that the time has come when " I>runk and disorderly 5 ' might be replaced, as a standing heading, bv "Tanks in Action." An old politician, famed for his powers of oratory, once summarised, the elementary rules of public speaking as follows:—"Stand nj>; speak up; phut, up." It is astonishing what an immense number of publio men have never learned tho third rule. « * «) Billjim, who is fighting valiantly somewhere in France with the N.Z.E.F., wrote to his parents recently, and included in his epistle was the photograph of a very attractive young lady. He explained the young lady in the following characteristic sentence "I am sending you a photograph of a girl I got acquainted with here, but pleasa <lo:rt run away with tho idea that she is. my fiasco." V The local Glee and Madrigal Society let loose the other night \rith .soma very stuff by Coleridge Taylor. A Philistine in the audienc 0 said afterwards that it reminded him of the old orchestral jest:—Midway through a spirited orchestral number the trombone player turns anxiously to his neighbour and says, " What aro we playing?" "Night Among tha Pyramids, :1 whispers the neighbour* •" Good God ! Ji says the trombone player. '"l've been playing *'Rin aud Frolic-. 5 " V There is one word of advice that ought lo be given without delay to the committee that has been set up to present an album of Canterbury views to Sir James Allen, and that is a warning against including Cathedral Square in the collection. The spectacle of John Robert Godley peering apprehensively over the top of a tramway ehed is notcalculated to impress the recipient of the album with respect for the discrinuj nation of Canterbury citizens in the I matter of honouring t-heir public men.

It is 5.0 very seldom thai any of our public men come out with a really novel and entertaining suggestion that wo seize eagerly upon the brilliant proposition of Mr D. Sykes, of the Tramway Board, who considers that it would bo more sensible, to shift the Cathedral out of Cathedral Square than to disturb the tramlines. Obviously tho time Has como when tho place ought to be renamed Tramway Square, but perhaps it would be better to wait 3 little while until the Cathedral is replaced by a car-cleaning shed and a statue of Mr Sykes, when the sweetly alliterative title of Sykes's Square will be quit© in order.

It is rather amusing to note the way in which the optimists who are fond of predicting an early peace are being continually taken down in regard to political changes among the warring nations. When Nicholas of Russia lost his job, tho first impression gained waa that Russia was hacking out of the war. Later it was made clear that Nicholaa was deposed for trying to arrange a separate peace. "When Count Tisza of Hungary resigned. Mr T( M. "Wilford, M.P., confidently predicted the end of tho war on the ground that Tisza was tho great pro-German war advocate in his part of Europe. Later it was made clear that Tisza was deposed because he wanted peace. And now wo have Beth-mann-Hollweg. Everybody jumped to tho conclusion that the resignation of the Chancellor meant a change of war policy. Later it waa made clear that Bethmann was deposed because he wanted peace. This process of deposing the peace converts will probably go on until no warlike individuals can be found to take their places.

In the local library in our suburb we occasionally discuss literature with a big "Li.' 1 "Oh, yes," said the lady who gushes, in reply to the question of an earnest admirer of the late Sir Walter, I've read every one of Scott'a novels. Which one do I like best? Well, now, I'm a dreadful one at remembering names. But I think his greatest work—it's the only one I can call to mind at the moment—was his ' Emulsion

It happened at a Grand National meeting in the days of long ago. A 1 gentleman well known on the turf in those days bustled breathlessly into the enclosure shouting, " Hats off 1 Hata off!" Everybody thought the Governoar was arriving and immediately doffed their headgear. However, it proved ft false alarm, and a friend of the gentleman later took him on one and said, "Look here, Jones, what made you think his Ex. was coming?" " I didn't think anything of the sort," said Jones. " I backed the winner in tho Inst race with a bookie who has a wart on his head, and I wanted to find him." V " When d'ye think the war will end?*' is becoming such a hackneyed query that it has stimulated the Tame Poet to the following:— WHEN WILL IT END? How long will it last? How long will it last? D'ye think 'twill continue till Gabriel*# blast Calls us all up ior judgment, both Briton and Hun, And winds up tho sar*p with a battle halfwoo? Oh, vrhen will it end? Oil, when vsill {t end? When no one's got any more money to land? When they've outed the trots and the pictures and booze? And called up ths lait of the married C 2's Will the Geratn.s collapse? Will tho Canadians pull out? Will tho Turks and Bulgarians bo put to tho rout? Will tho Kaiser retire;' Will peace. com« ona day In a, quite unexpected miraculous way? I vrisU I could tell you! I vish that ]] know I But I know just as littlo about it as you, Yet there's one littlo guess that to hazard I'm willing—- ' Twill be sonio lengths ahead of Now Zealand's " last shilling!"