THE STORY-TELLER,

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11511, 6 October 1915, Page 4

THE STORY-TELLER,

THINGS OLD AND NEW, DIFFICULT. The adjutant was lecturing to the subalterns' of the battalion. - " 'ln the Held," he Mid, "it is now incumbent upon an filacer to make li.inself look as much liko a man as possible/'' Everybody laughed. " That, is, J mean," he explained, "as much liko a soldier as possible." NOTICEABLE RESEMBLANCE. "Isn't that a Bourguorcau?" asked Mrs Oldcastlo, as they stepped for a moment to look at the new pictures. "Oh, my, no," replied her hostess; "it's a. lion. But I told Josiah when he brought it home that it looked a good deal more like one of them things you mention. 5 ' a ratifToffertxg. m Scene, improvised sing-song in the relief camp, to which a number of German prisoners were admitted as a. special favour. OAicer running it returns after a brief absence to find the ser- ' gcant left in control of the programme : announcing the fol'owinjr 'tern: "Our friends Fritz and 'Ans •will now oblige with the "Ymn of 'Ate.'" THE TEST. Little Eda one day turned to her mother, who was a widow, and said: " Mamma, do you really and truly love me?" " AV'-'.v. of course, my dear. Why do you ask?" _ " And w : ll you prove it to me? "Yes if I can.'* "Then go marry the man around the corner who keeps the candy store. ' REYISED. "And what did my little son learn about tin's morning?" " 01), a mouse. Mis Willcox told us all about mouses." " That's tire boy. Now, how do you spell ' mouse?' " It was then that Arthur gave promise of being an artful dodger. He paused meditatively for a moment, then said: " Father, I guess I was wrong. It wasn't n mouse teacher was telling us about. It was a rat." * THE MAIN "DIFFICULTY. The manager of a factory recently eng?o.?d a new man and gave instructions to the foreman to instruct him in his duties. A f.-w days afterward the manager inquired whether the new man was progressing with his work. The foreman, who had not agreed very '.veil, with the man in question, exclaimed, angrily : " P;\''gvo. i -sing ! There's been a lot of progress. I have taught him everything i know, and he is still an ignorant fool." A LONG FAREWELL. •_ \ PnVace Doherty was six feet four in his s-ocks; the sergeant much shorter. . The MAi'j/oiUit looked along the line., '• Meads up, there, .Dnherty!" he cried.. Dt;hi'-r;;y raised bis head. "Up higher." said the little sergeant. "There, that's better. .Don't let me see your. head down again." i " Am I to be always like this?" asked Doherty, staring away above the licfch- sergeant's head. " You ,are." "Then I'll say good-bye to ye, ser-: geant, for I'll never see yez again." WHERE FEAR LAY. Evelyn is very cowardly, and her father * decided to have a serious talk with his little daughter. " Fathej*," she said at the close of his lecture. " when you see a cow, ain't you 'fraid?" i " No, certainly not, Evelyn." " When you see a bumble-bee, ain't you 'fraid?" " No!" with, scorn. i "Ain't you 'fraid when it thunders?" i "No." with laughter. "Oh, you silly little child!" "Papa." said Evelyn, solemnly, " aiu't you 'fraid of nothing in the world but ma?" ALWAYS SAFETY FTRST. "You say that you want soma name engraved on this ring," said the jeweller to the bashful young -man. "Yes; I want the words 'George to his dearest Alice' engraved on the inside of the ring." "Is the young lady your sister?" "No; she is the young lady to whom I am encased." " Well, if I were you I would not have ' George to his dearest Alice' engraved on the ring. If Alice changes her mind you can't use the ring aprain." "What would you suggest?" " I would suggest the words 'George to his first and only love. 5 You see, with that inscription you can use the ring half a dozen times. I had experience in such matters myself." TRUE FIGHTERS. "The Black Watch are fighting so well in France that even the Germans praise them. Wonderful fighters, the Irish 1" The sneaker was W. Bourke Cockran. He continued: "When I think of the valour of the Black Watch regiment I recall the story of Pat M'Cann. " Pat came homo one night with a black eye. a broken nose and a split lip. A front tooth was gone as well. " ' Tim Sullivan done it,' he to!d his wife, as he began to bathe his woundi in a b?sin of water. " ' Shame on ye!' Bridget cried. ' A big feller like you to be licked by a little, hard-drinkin' cockroach like Tim Sullivan! Why, he " "'' Whist,' said Pat from the basin, softly. ' Don/t shpake evil of the dead.'"