SMILE SEEP.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11511, 6 October 1915, Page 4

SMILE SEEP.

Tkin Patient: "My face pains me doctor. What shall I do?" Doctor: " I'm sure I don't know. You might try a beauty specialist. 5 ' %* Mr Newrich (reading a newspaper headline): " Japjfnfcse Turn Agnostics." Mrs Newr.'ch: "Isn't it wonderful what those Japanese acrobats can do!" i *•* " I wonder why it is that the Government puts a woman's likeness on nearly all coins?" "I guess it's because money talks, tool" »»" Gentleman: ''Can you take me home! I've lost my way. Do you know where I live?" Policeman: "What's the name of your ccok?" * * * " Yes." said the shopkeepers, " I want.a good, bright boy, to bo partly indoors and partly outdoors." "That's all right," said the applicant, " but what becomes of men when the door slams." * • a That coat looks shabby," remark- j ed H.cks to his intimate friend the | poet. "Why, don't you have it turn-! Ed?" "Da- you think this coat bus, three sides,?" asked the impecunious j one sadly, and nothing more was said on tho subject. %• Little Mary's mother was writing a letter to her sister one day, and Mary, who did everything her mother did, was writing also. As she began she looked up and asked: " Mamma, how do yon* spell 'aunt'—tho kind that's not an insect?" *•• Mrs Casey: " Pwhat's the matter, Mrs Dooley?" Mrs Dooley (between sobs): "Me Dennis is nearly dead an' 1 can't get his medicine." Mrs Casey: "Why?" Mrs Dooley: "The pubs are shut." *•* Mother (who is teaching her child' tho alphabet): "Now, dearie, wnat conies after 'g'?" 'ihe Child: "Whiz!" *»* " Was your garden a success last year?" " Very much so. My neighbour's chickens took first prize ct the poultry show." | Mistress: "I snail be very lonely,! Bridget, if you leave me." Bridget: "Don't worry, mum. I'll not go until | ye have a houseful of company. - ' * Tlie prisoner threw the magazines j across his cell in disgust, and cursed eloquently. "'Nothin' but continued j stories," he growled, "an' I'm to Dei hung next Tuesday. '** " What d'o you think of the acoustics, Mrs Nurich " whispered her neighbour. " Oh, I don't mix in them religious squabbles. Let everybody worship in their own way, i say." • " Give three reasons for saying the earth is round," confron ■■.] Sandy in an examination paper. "My teacher says it's round, the books says it's round, and a man told me it's round'." A young man of the Surgical Corps, Que night went to call on Miss Morps. His talk made her yawn, But at last he had gaivn, And she cried, " What a terrible borpsl" •** "I'm not going to that female bar- j ber shop again; there's a rude giri there, don't you" know." "What did she say?" "Why, she looked at my mustnv'sh and' awsked me if I would have id sponged off or rubbed in." *«* " Sure, Oi'll write me name on tho back o' your note, guaranteein' ye'l! | pay ut." said Pat, smiling pleasantly as he indorsed BiUup's nous, '''but i>. know doomed well ye won't pay ut. We'll have a laugh at th' ixpinse of tho bank." « ! Aunt Mary (visiting in the city): " I want to hear at, least one of your famous grand opera singers and_ then j see some of your lending actors.'' Nephew (to office bov): Jimmy, get us some tickets for the vaudeville and' movie 3-" ■iwnjijiii-miijiMiin—"—iiimii in mi immiTi rtTinT The man who marries for money never gets through hearing; about it.