THE STORY-TELLER.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11508, 2 October 1915, Page 7

THE STORY-TELLER.

THINGS OLD AND NEW. CHANGED DATS. Pat: "That ould villain of a Kaiser lias turned' iverythlng topsy-turvy since the war-r started. Mike: " How's that, Pathrick?" Pat: "Bejabbers, in oulden times they used to hang thieves on crosses, but now, begorra, its crosses they be hanging on thieves." ECONOMY. Solomon (to conductor): "How much will it eost to take mine leetle Joseph to the city? He is only von year old." Conductor: "Oh, he will go for nothing." Solomon: " And Rebecca? She is two and a half." Conductor: "She will go free too." Solomon: "Right! Viil you oblige by putting them down at Clark Square P I vill valk." INTERFERENCE. "So you don't permit any motorcars in Crimson Gulch?" ""Nary one," replied Broncho Bob. " We hate to seem behind the times. But we concluded* it were agin public policy to have all the boys quittin' a poker game every time a tire blew out, thinkin' somebody was snot." FEMININE CONSISTENCY. "What's the matter, Hawkins?" " Matter enough! You know some time ago I assigned all my property to my wife to—er—to keep it out of the hands of people I owe, you know." " Yes." "Well, she's taken the money and gone off—-says she won't live with me because I s re swindled my creditors." MUTUALITY. Female Twin Soul: "Pardon my dishevelled appearance: I have but just come from the bath." Male Twin Soul: "Ahl you bathe, then?" Female Twin Soul: "Yes." Male Twin Soul: " Another habit in common. How sweet!" GOOD COMPANY. Franz AM, %hje song-writer, long since passed to the beyond, was a surprising, gourmand. "A goose," he used to say, "is a very pretty bird, but it has one great fault; it is a little too much for one, and much too little foir two." Coming out of a restaurant one day, looking supremely happy, " Herr Kappelmeister," said a friend to him, "you seem- to hare dined well." "Yes, I had a fair dinner; it was turkey." " And was there a good company around the board 1 ?" "Yes, good—but small; just two, indeed, the turkey and myself." A "POSER.. A sporting member of Parliament, who knew more about the racecourse than the House, was oneo asked, out of pure mischief, by one of his constituents if he would vote for the ' abolition of the Deealoguo. In vain •the questioned one tried to solve in his mind what the object referred to was, as to him the Decalogue might be anything from a regium donum grant to a settlement in the Straits of Malacca; but failing in this, and iu order to sustain his own consistency, he replied: " I won't pledge myself, but I'll give it my consideration." j

WELL MEANT. After the accident lie was taken to a Hospital blinded. The surgeons worked long and hard, and the bandages were at last placed in position. His nurse had the softest, sweetest voice ia the world .and the softest, coolest touch. She also read to him. He krew that she was uncommon!}' pretty. When the bandages were removed his sight was still very dim, but gradually his vision grew sirouger. One morning tho doctor came in cheerily. " Well, John, are the eves still improving?" he asked. "They aro that." "Seeing better every day? Can you see your nurse? 15 ''Sure I can. She gets plainer and plainer every time." i HE LOVED YOUXG MEN. I The Kev John M'NeilL tho Scotch ' pieacher. who lias been conducting revival meetings iu San Francisco of late, is never at a loss for an answer. Once