THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7678, 11 April 1903, Page 4

THE WEEK.

Solomon up-to-date. Better is a'' stolen cycle and prohibition (if caught),, than a ride on the footpath, and a big fine. 4, .___ Easter is a snugger sortt of holiday than Christmas. You don't eusfc so much, or expect so much. It is not. made the vehicle for tbe same amount off extortion, nor is it so much a family business. You can go to the Ra- — no — no-— we mean-' the seaside— by j'ourself if you fwant to, long live Easter. ♦ -■ It is a fact that a day ov so ago in Christchurch "two hearts itflat beat its. one " having a cycle appointnif nt after dusk at a corner of two of ourj right-angled streets, were in such a hurry Ho meet thab they punctually m«t too mueb,,' to the damage of machines and clothing. There wars, in fact, what Mrs . Malaprojv calls " a cyclonic disturbance." » ' Over the stern of a big stjeamer in Port is displayed in huge letters,; the warnimg, " Keep clear of the propellc a: Nifow, personally, we have never yetpned violently to interfere with the screw' of a steamer (though hard-hearted managjers may interfere with ours). But, as 3?at remarked,, "What about the craythurs mi can't read?" They will, of course, indulge their penchant for tampering with tl fe. "boss" -unchecked. « • - . Luggage-laden steamer p usengers arriving in port might easily be . v ived the ticket office jam, by the issue of railway tickets aboard the boat. We prese pit this suggestion to the powers that be, on behalf of St Peter, whose ink it would : save tremen- \ dously. . _♦ _ Some Continental medical I celebrity is experimenting with a view t> > teaching dogs to speak. Therefore bring .forth the banjo thusly : Consider what you'd do, oh leech, -BefcKrs the -honest d-cg be -r.aught The use 'of c-ur maEdacious a pe-^ch In order to ccmceal his the d gfrt. Speech is the curse of modejni life, With lie and quibb»e, " b!c rt " and cant; The tongue's the cause- of er ai less Strife, Deceit, 'Vulgarity and Ear ii. He may— Great Scot — for wJ ko can- tell Till the experiment be tr jtsd? Orate to us of 'Eaven and i_ll, Or eall a spade '.'-a bloom in.' _pyde." Dogs tire too honssfc for tb ie voicje So glibly used by Priest 'or -Prig; Try your experiment — for < fcoice— On G-ooso or Donkey, Sua Jbe or Pig. ♦ - There, is one great pul? about living inLyttelton. You can look down, your lower neighbour's chimney and' /see what he's going to do in- the feeding li _e. It's true that tho chap on the upper ,<side is equally acquainted with your me km. But there's | always a fly in the ointm _<nt. j ___ —^ — __- This week a patient 1 Suffering from insomnia, sought a Christc; ti trch doctor, who had recently lost money ".on a cycle race. "Can't sleep, can't you Y" • said the medico, "then, look here. Youj become a crack cycle-racer. Directly y o»i pick up the real knack of loafing, ydui sleep like a top. I've seen 'em.", ;, — — — ♦ — r---We are an aesthetic j. ei>ple. Trip-loads of joyful tramites, bound ' for Sumner, are confronted at Heathoote jhridge by a disused "cold meat car," whjsh, like. the skull of the Roman Emperor, lserves to remind them that all is not beer ;and skittles. But we are also a utilitarian < aowd. Why has not somebody branded th> sneon, "The only things to save you' from tfhis are Snooks' Pills?" ♦ — The atmosphere of tke Christchurch Magistrate's Court on a busy morning, leaves a good deal to be $esired. Especially if that morning be wi _>. We refer, of course, to its material, n<.fc its moral atmosphere. There is adk jfeinct suggestion, of too many aggregated ] kunans. The Courthouse itself has bee_i tarefully dumped into the middle of a bljqck of outer offices. If a stray breath ctS air tries to get through from outside, it\.is remorselessly stopped by a combination \ of policemen. «, : — _,; Before these lines reach, an jexpectant public, we shall know the worst L Either our noble defenders will have hui _ed the northern invaders panic-stricken 'back to the nearest licensed place of refreshment, or Ghristchurcb will lie at the\- mercy of a savage and ber-lud-stained sol, {Eiery. However, our personal confidence j. ia undisturbed in the ability of pur splei telid defenders to drive like chaff -before the v. find, the hireling myrmidons who threaten our most cherished taps. \