PUN AND FANCY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7678, 11 April 1903, Page 3

PUN AND FANCY.

He : " I'm afraid you don't like my dancing." She: "Quite* the contrary ; I think it is very amusing." •She (musingly) : " How can Chinaonen bear to eat rats V H? (absently) : "It helps fill the Chinks." .

" You were always a fault-finder," growled the wife." "Yes, dear," responded chehusband meekly,; " I fcund you." A bird in the hand is worth two in tbe bush, but an elephant in a circus tent is worth any number on your hands. In going up t_4 ladder of fame you have to be cartful not to be knocked off by the other men Avho are constantly coming down.

" Well, Bobby, what do you want to be when you grow up ?" Bobby (who ha* just been jmuisbed by his mother.) : "An orphan."

Young Lady (on shipboard) : "Oh, mamma, the screw driver is broken!" Mamma:' "The what, my dear?" Sailor: " Tis the propellen .bait, mum."

Rich:' "J" see- you have a silver waiboh now. What did von 'do witih' your gold one?" Short: "<jot poor, and you know circumstances alter cases."

Blind Ben : " B«liave me, kind! sir, I was not always as I ajn now.'' " Kind Sir : " I know it. Yesterday you were an armless man, and tbe day before you were deaf and _umb." Mrs Wiekwire : " The idea I Here is _ storv. in tho paper about a woman suing for £1000 for th«> los> of only a thumb-." Mr W'okwke: "Perhaps it was the thumb she kept _s~ k-?bat*_ under." Couutry__j_ (buyi-g a cigar): "I hope this isn't cue o' tb__; wwkls that burn out in no t„x_> t:t all. I w_nt a good long smoke." ToWcocsvisfc (impressively) : "Mine f-iwnw:, das csg&r will last till you vas sick of it."

" This collar stud is ___>' own invention," said tha stress, hawker, '•" aad tlte mane I have giy&n It is 'S'auli.'" "Because everybody h_. faults '" suggested a man ia the crowd. "Kg, lay dear sir, simply because it's so oasy to find. " , "What nonsense all this is about _iea-V— ' getti^^ on their knees wh-m they propose !" said Mrs Parslow to hsr dear friend. "My husband didn't do any such absurd thing when he asked ma to marry him." "He did when he proposed to me," said the v dear friend, without thinking. A story is told of a lawyer whose quick wit never deserted him, whether in office or court. One day ft client entered the office and, throwing back his coat, said, irritably : " Why, sir, your qffice is as hot as an oven." "Why shouldn't it be?" was the calm response. "It is here that I make mj bread."

Colonel Fizzletop was under the painful necessity of administering a severe castigation to his son Johnny. After he had completed his labours he said, sternly, to the suffering victim : " jSow tell -mo why I punished you?" "That's it," sobbed Johnny ; " you nearly pound the life out of me, and now you don't even know why you did it."

A Cockney, boasting about buildings being quickly built in London, said to a companion : " You know the big post office against the Hay-marketf lb was built in a month." " That's nowt," said a pitman standing near. "As Ah, was ganging t-e wark in a fore-shift they were laying the foundation- of a house, and when Ab was coming yam they were chucking the folks out for back rent."