THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7232, 19 October 1901, Page 4

THE WEEK.

i • ! In future, if the Medical Practitioners' Bill becomes law. no unregistered medico can recover for his sprvices. At present it's the patients who don't recover. ♦ This week one of our City Fathers, having supped not wisely but too well, had the following dreadful experience : — Oh, I'll sing you >a fine old sor.ig, 'A <3i''ifcv up io date. Of » giddy City Councillor Who -ate 'his -supper late. Then weni to sleep and dreamt a dream Which I shall now .rel-o-ti», Whereby all sorfs of dreadful 1 things Got mixed within 'the i>ate Of 'iliia dysTjepiic Counnl'irr, Alt of the present time! For fir«i the ©sty 'abattoirs He dimly flirt descry, Which dwindled io a fif^hi market Where price (and scnn{) were high ; So he tried to lirfc-h Me Wainiak xip To keep ii n:°c.e tand dry. When an angry Selwyn ■Onunltiy man Bunged. Tip the- starboard eye Of this Jffe-iit-if aj'orerl City Councillor, All of the- present time! Then tliat destructor's chimney stack Got built upon Iris breast! And 'G. 'M. Gray kep'b yelling out, "Four thousand feed's thp best!" B\it " 'Smel'druni's •workmen" danced around 'And swore tlti tiihi-ng vras "mpssed," And Mao he pulled 'the bricks all down lAnd dumped' them, on the oherfl Of this 'iroirbl'cd City Councillor, All of the pTescn'ii time! Then seven thousand ratepayers, WitJh 'angry lpoks did come. And yelled "'Wnere's that aJVowwcff. eh? They ought to ihave 'had SO.ITE!" Whilst the late clerk lie bangpd Qj-is head . As Hhoiigli it were -a drum! And I<h<6 jwsisfam"*; (fourteen stone) Stik dovrxi upon ?«<r "turn " And *.woke ihis City Councillor, All of ths present time! — +- Weekly weather forecast. — Much wind due at Wellington until end of session, also wet nights (especially at Bellamy's) ; glass — severaL gksses-yrise (full) and fall (empty). Squalls expected from Aucklarid (very childish one?). ■_ ♦ > Who lias - not gone through some such experience as this: — For nights tiha-fc molar ached and throbbed! By torments dire all sleep "was robbed.' I danced, I swore, I wept, I sobbed, 'All ease and peace bereft' me! In •waiting-rooms, with nerves a-s'.retch, I read the "Graphic" and the "Sketch, Until the call-boy (horrid wretch) Appeared— then all pain left me. 'That ghastly chair! With torment full The leve-Ting forceps -wrenched' "(their pull! They scrunched the nerve — they split my skull! " And then the pain was over! They left a hole six feeb by four! I -wrung >.<is hand— l mopped 'the gorel I sough 1 * the nearest whisky-store, And now I «m ia clover! <» .'■ The Australian papers gave a number of •instances of attempted evasion of present and future tariffs during the last few days. Extra vigilance and strict " timing " were enforced on the officials. Along the line the signal Tan: "Stralia," expects thai «very man This day will DO (his duty., ■ - —4 • What is the Model Yacht Club to do? It hasn't the ghost of <a (n)ocean. O'er iihe la«« dregs cf your v our departing se» Our Noughts are gloomy' and our language tfree. Fair as 'line winds may blow our keels can-t roam — Stopned by the weed imported here from Home. , Signs are not wanting that the Federal Government of Australia is in the danger predicted for a house divided against itself. A Treasurer sa4 em a Commonwealiili stool. Singing "Duties! High duties! B:g duties!" And they said to ihim " Surely you're playing the fcol Wiiih your duties, high duties, big duties! For your .tariff and Barton's Pacific 'Blacks' 'Bill All hope of cohesion will certainly kill, And you'll soon thave to swallow Reid's Revenue Pill, ■ Widen will clear out your bellicose duties!" ' The three tailors of Tooley btreet only described themselves as "We, the people of Ecglaod." It remains fop am Auckland M.H.R. to go one better. Any objection to "Spreckels* sheckels" is described by Mr Napier as " an attempt to injure the Empire and colony, and further despoil Auckland." Why did he not brand it as a crime against the .Solar System and the Universe ? \ The publication of Jonathan Rohsrts'o diary has evoked the following suggestion : — How one will mis 3 when all is done Our weekly dose of Jonathan ! And feel 'the loss beyond all doubt Of. his ''linked sweetness long drawn out." Before us he casts down 'his pearls — He tells us how to "talk Io girls, Then, gives us lofty views on labour, Next conies our duly to our r-eig'hbour, Then how to meet in deadly ftrifo The wild boar with a .pocket-knife! H-ow £'a>rt it seems the law should light on T!!his Teaily Admirable -Crichion, And send stich talent -off to prison } Because he nailed what "wasn't, ihizzen." Let's get Inm .pardon, and protection, And run him at the nest election ! With his peculiar gifts, clear " Star," He ough'li to be an M.H.'Il. Thiiifcy-five hours of a continuous sitting;-! W« pay members to do the most important work of the session, in a comotose condition ! If you want ■flic receipt for 'tfoa't popuDai mystery, How ito get troublesome Es'tiimates through, All common-sense rules of procedure you twist-away, Sit for a fortnight if less will not do. , ♦ For -there must come a time when by lielp of kind Morpheus, Iniquitous votes can bo slid 'tlircmgh by scores ; When they'd even, be deaf to the "Jiar" of Orpheus, And *he only objections consist of loxid snores! "The Bench," we are told, in a charge of cruelty to a horse heard this week at the local Police Court, " expressed itself very strongly on the inhumanity and cruelty too often exhibited by cabmen," aud so on and so on. Now, utterances from "the Bench" carry a certain weight "ex cathedra." Judges of the Suprems Court and Stipendiary Magistrates, knowing this, are generally particularly careful not to say too much. But your great unpaid have no such scruples, and occasionally air their eloquence in a totally wrong direction. In the case in question they wronged a body of hard-working, careful men, who know their own interests far too well to knock their horses about. Let our amateur Solons slang a convicted person as much as they like, but not, by going, too far, emulate the example of those folk who rush in where angels fear to tread.