"THE CORPSE-MASTER."

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7203, 14 September 1901, Page 4

"THE CORPSE-MASTER."

AMUSIM AND GRUESOME. (By BENNET BURLEIGH.) Ivow that the censors spoil or delay th« despatches of correspondents describing military operations, tite correspondents might give us more character sketches of Tommy Atkins and some of the details of his daily life. Benneb Burleigih's amusing sketch of "The Corpse-Master" might well he the first; of a series. "The Corpse-Master, " -he says, "is a dark, medium sized man with droll seriousness as his set facial expression, and tihe oleaginous demureness of am undertaker, and made so by nature. He is never ruffled, never fussy, and always full of . funereal consideration. "At Escourt, Major Ha^es, R.A.M.C, wanted someone to take oha-rge of the mortuary. " Soldiers chirk jobs of that sorb. Volunteers were not forthcoming until Private 'heard of the position and got the appointment. For a lew days he did Ms work well, then he said! to Major Hayes, 'I am an old soldier, and I have several good conduct badges, and I want you to make me a corporal.' ' Wihat for?' 'Ber cause, sir, if I ain't a corporal, I have no proper authority over the oorpses.' la the end, although ' Private was told he would be granted a corporal's rank, but without extra pay, he won all along the line, took the rank and the 4d a day extra. And cheap at the money, tihe doctors by-and-by thought him. Shortly after Corporal asked the' Major ito come and look how well he had arranged the dead house. ' No,' said Major H«y«», ' I 'have no curiosity nor taste an that direction. All I hope is you conduct the funerals in a becoming manner.' ' Oh; yes, eir,'- eaid Corporal . ' I always sits on the front of tne waggon we hove for a heaps© to take them to tihe cemetery, a I could cry "to think we ain't got ihorses to dtaw them, but only oxea, and sometimes mules. But I does my best and feels: sad. I covers their poor remains with the Union Jack. When we are full the Union Jack is not big enough, and, if you pleaee, sir, I wants two more Union- Jacks — it- isn't decent.' And he got them. On another occasion, Corpse-Master Corporal complained of , the irregular way the Tommies sometimes carried the bodies into the cemetery, taking them in head instead of feet first. ' I've spoke to the clergymen about it, and they have "told me to correct it, and have I your authority, Major, please?' *Yes, certainly,' said Major Hayes, and that subject was adjusted. Then Corporal added, ' Yes, sir, one of the clergymen is very good to me. He knows I've a nasty job to do at times, -and he very often gives me a drop of something when I feels fodnt. I am not feeling very well just now sir.' And Major Hayes, took the hint. * After his sip, Corporal became confidential. 'Sir, I always arrange the funerals most decorously. The parson that is burying him does ihis part, and I have a book of all the religions, and whichsomever he be I does mine, for I acts as mourner and clerk, and says the responses and all the " Amens," in a loud voice. And toward^ night, if the parson don't get on quick enough, I generally gives him a hand with the service by repeating when he forgets. An officer with the burial party to-day, as it was hot, tells the men -to keep their helmets on, bub Jj took mine off, for as I said to him, I'd rather have sunstroke and take my helmet off than not' pay my respects to the corpses.' "Corporal — — was found fault with by the chaplains for writing texts and placing them on the coffin^, so he was had up before Msvjor Hayes. His explanation was,- --' Please, sir, I takes them texts out of the Bible. I has one lot for the married men, and another for the single. For the single men I says, " Not dead, but gone to hisFather " in heaven, and for the married ones— l'm one myself — "Not dead, only lent to the Lord." If he has got cnildren, I writes a verse, "From his sorrowing and loving widows and children.'" You see, I searches them first, and 1 if I finds any little trinkleta in th«ir pockets I knows the widows would like to have, I write and sends them home to tbe missis or mother. I asks them to pay my postage expense, as I ain't «i rich man, and, bless you, sir, I knows them ; they generally sends me back more than tihe article cost to send it home. I know if I was dead it would be the same way with my wife — she'd like to have something to remember me by.' "One day Corporal came in great indignation 1 to the Major, for a coffin had been sent that was a little too small. The Corporal said his ' subordinate ' was a nice Church of England young man, whom he could not think of placing in sideways. "Kvery man, Major, 1 said Corporal with decision, ' likes to be buried lying flat down, "and flat he must be.' And he had another pine shell, and wrote and told the widow all was well. So precise was the 'Corpse-Master' that he used to punch pieces of tin with the name, rank, date of death, and numbers of the deceased, and pin them to the bodies, for purposes of subsequent identification. It had been better that practice hadl been generally followed, for there are many unrecorded, "graves and dead soldiers who cannor. be by any possibility identified if the plan of removing all remains to general cfmeteries is ever carried out. Corporal *aid he didn't want any of his corpses mixed up, and he waited no widows, like ] her at Colenso. to be going off with the vrong man's body. 'Nobody,' he sagely observed, ' likv-s to take home a corpse as don't, belong to them- And when you find h isn't yours you feels like chucking it out. I refuses to take any corpses into my- de-adhnuse without the medical dieet and identification cards. I'll have no mistakes. I marks an R.C. with his name round the rigiifc big toe, <md' round the left big toe for a Protestant ; that helps when the service is coming on to give the parson his cue.' When lie left the Army on this side, having taken his discharge, he went 1o Major Hayes and remarked, ' Sir, I'm going ii.way. You've been very kind. I should like to have the honour of shaking han Is with you ; I've just wasted' mine, and ain't touched si .corpse to-day. Thank you, sir; 9,-ood-bye to you,' and Corporal buvved himself out and ijrimjy saluted." i