THE IDLER.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 5409, 9 November 1895, Page 4

THE IDLER.

The country has gone to the very Dickens. The Conservative journals tell us so, and therefore it most be true. By reason of the iniquities of a wicked Government, confidence has fled, nobody has heart left for anything, and bine rain stares us m the face. We have been told this, in ever-varying form ad nauseam. Then cornea Canterbury's carnival week, and on the very first day of the race meeting there is such a crowd of holiday makers as even the Christchurch Conservative journal declares to be phenomenally large. And it is a crowd that has money and ia ready to spend it. More than five thousand five hundred pounds invested on one race, and more than fifteen thousand five hundred pounds recorded by the totalisators in the course of the day.

And so through the week. The week has been literally crammed with entertainments of variouu kinds, and the caterers for the amusement of the public have been exceedingly well patronised. Not much evidence oi down-on-your-luck or of gnawing despair in all this; not much indication that the people have taken any heed of the published lamentations and Jeremiads. Qo to. Those unscrupulous scribes will Bay anything that may seem to serve their crooked purpoee.

Sy the way, the schoolmasters of this country have a pretty knack of utilising current events in teaching the young idea, and they might device Borne nice little problems in mental arithmetic in connection with the race meetings. As thus :— • If in one day the Bum of £15,500 be passed through the totaliaators, what ib the actual amount of capital, that was speculated with ? Taking that first day at EiccartoD, one knows that the capital was at le&sc ,£5503, because that amount was actually on deposit at one time. But it wqb a day of "boil-overs" and big dividends, so that large sums were being accumulated in comparatively few pockets, and thus withdrawn from investment. Nevertheless, in the last race but one of the day the totalisator records showed -81214 of invested capital. This sum waa redistributed among only forty-five lucky persons, and still the final event of tha day gava a totalisator record of £1165. It is a fair assumption, I think, that at the very least a total of £10,000 was taken to the racecourse to be lost and won.

# "New men that in the flying of a wheel cry down, the past," and new women that jn a briefer apace of time are prepared to unsex themselves. The curiously complicated'movement must, like all things else, have it 3 whimsicalities, and men must learn how to thread a needle and sew on a button. This obvious outcome, no doubt, has brought about the latest development in bazaar attractions, which is described as a millinery competition for men, with spectators at 9d a head. Each man is given a needle, thimble, reel of black and white cotton, an untrimmed straw hat, a few artificial flowers, and somo lengths of ribbon. The time is half an hour, and then each man delivers up his specimen, and the judging takes place. A small committee is chosen for this, and then the successful competitors' names are readout and the prize presented, a housewife, pair of scissors, &c, or some more laughable object, according to the means and fancy of the committee. By all means let us have this thing set going in Christchurch.

My conviction that tha bike has been, and of necessity must continue to. be, a powerful agent in the promotion of some of the virtues has been expressed on a former occasion. I am pleased to note that this view is endorsed by an American journalist, who expatiates upon the moral influences of the wheel. Whilst United States preachers condemn the use of the bicycle because the pews are thereby emptied, the women of the Christian Temperance Union eulogise the exercise. They do this for the reason that in order to ride a bike a man must keep his brain clear, and so the machine becomes "an evangelistic agent for sobriety." Moreover, there is rejoicing because the bike is an anti-Bmoking device also. The Tobacco Journal confirms this view by inveighing against cycling aa inimical to the interests of the trade. " Men seldom smoke when riding a wheel," the Journal says, and it declares that the bicycle " has caused a total reduction in the consumption of cigars for the year of 700,000,000."

W if It is more than probable that some of the readers, of the Star have not come acroaa examples of the latest style 'of fashion gossip that, is to be found in some of the Home publications. There was an item on a recent occasion that read as follows: — "One man wore a auifc of dark blue and white striped serge or flannel. His pretty socks were cornflower blue, and his tie matched his socks. He wore a light grey hat with a cle£t crown." The absorbing announcement was quickly versified thus :— His pretty 'socks are cornflower blue, His calm, clear eyes the same soft hue, As iv the park he rides a- wheel, With grace that surely must appeal To Newest of the Woineu New. His hands are deft as dainty, too, Guiding the darning needle through (If haply they be out at heel) His pretty socks. But, scandal-mongers, 'tis not truo That once ho screamed and pallid grow At cry of " Mouse ! " Nor did he reel, "With close-drawn " bags," and so reveal To us more than our usual view Of pretty socks. i Non-resident commercial travellers are, ' I read, to be taxed to the tune of £50 fora license. Bat Ido not know that it is the non-resident canvasser who is the greatest j bane to ordinary humanity. It is not nonresident benefactors of their species who I force upon your reluctant attention many- j tomed histories of the settlement of Kamtschatka, a stereoscope with two ' dozen views of great American hotels for ! a guinea, or the latest marvellous invention of Edison, a colourless paste, which is guaranteed to take stains or grease spots out of clothing, furniture, books, wall paper, carpets, fenders, kitchen ranges, Venetian blinds, or glassware, together with a " kopon " entitling you to a chance of winning a gold watch, a silver pencil-case or a number of valuable and useful articles anyone of which alone ia worth the money, half-a-crown. Thc3e are among the people who need to be suppressed.

A man struck a snag the other day, in a Lojxfon County Court, and it served him " jolly well right." He had been Bued for the non-payment of a debt amounting to between .840 and J6SQ for Roods that had bwa'SuppU^ to iia», Ha tola Judge

Bacon a pitiful story— how he had lost his all and was earning a precarious livelihood by saleß on commission, and the sympathising judge made an order for payment at the rate of eight shillings per month. Bat the fellow, whoße name was Woolf, could not contain his glee at being so easily lee off, and before he got out of the Court made a jocular remark to a friend about the order. Then he heard the judge say this:— "Come back, Woolf. Prom your demeajnour I am convinced I made a mistake in my decision just now. You told a very pitiable Btory to the Court You go out with your friends beaming with joy, and laughing all over your face. You wonld not have done that unless yon felt that you had successfully imposed upon the Court. I recall the order just made, and shall have the case adjourned so that evidence may be collected as to your means." Then Mr Woolf left, and he didn't exactly smile.

••* Here is one of the late Mr Stevenson's fables, quoted from Longman's Magaiine vmm " There was once a sick man in a burping house, to whom there entered a fireman. 'Bo not save me,' said the sick man. •Save thoße who are strong.' 'Will yon kindly tell me why P' inquired the fireman, for he was a oivil fellow. ' Nothipg could possibly be fairer,' said the Bick man. 'The strong should be preferred ia sll cases because they are of more eerrioe in the world.' The fireman pondered awhile, for he was a man of aome philosophy, ' Granted,' said he at last, as a part Of the roof fell in; bnt for the Bake of oonverwtion, what would you lay down as the proper service of the strong? ' 'Nothing can possibly be easier/ returned the aiofc man. ' The proper service of the strong is to help the weak.' Again the fireman reflected, for there was nothing hasty about thiß excellent creature. 'I oould forgive you being Bick,' he said at last, as a portion of the wall fell out, 'but I cannot beat your being such a fool.' And with, that he heaved up his fireman's axe, fpr be was eminently just, and olova the sick man to the bed." S. Lippbb Dbabi.