The Contributor.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 4855, 22 January 1894, Page 1

The Contributor.

Short original articles on subjects of genera] interest are invited for this column. It is open to contributors ■of diverse opinions, Taut not to controversy. Tie views expressed in the articles published ore aot necessarily endorsed by this journal. Otifctribntors must forward their names and addresses, which, however, will not be published ttnless it -fea wished.

ON CONVERSATION,

[BY L.B.J - When people meet together for purposes t)f sociability they; as a rule, clothe themselves in the nicest garments they possess ■•—the quality and fashion of dre3B and ornament has been well considered ; those •whose means are ample have a collection K)f costnmea to choose from, and they are careful to select one appropriate to the ozcaaion for which it is being donned. This is custom, and is reasonable and right; it is pleasant to look on the well and neatly dressed, and the consaiousnefs of being so contributes to ease of manner. But there is that other inner self, the mind. ' How little, often, is it regarded as requiring attention and preparation to make it ready for contact with its fellows, and how seldom it is that any extra care is bestowed to enable it to meet the jnst demands of social life. It is sot thought of, much leßs is it made a special point to 'be prepared and well clothed mentally, BO that oar part in the conversation may not be wanting. The mind which dwells within . the body well adorned with a pretty dress is too often shockingly bare. Ifc ia not even clothed with a decent covering of the knowledge of events of worldwide interest, reported to ns in onr daily papers ; or, worse still, it may be clothed in the rags of a malicious love for all things that are of evil report. The bareness of the rags would not be tolerated by onreelvea or others if people had been taught, from earliest youth — in fact, that it were recognised as part of the general order of things that, when friends and acquaintances meet together, all Bhould have made such preparation as would enable them to talk reasonably on a variety of subjects. Should some, after careful thought, be really unable to do much, there still remains to them the part of intelligent listeners, their silence differing widely from the silence of the listless, the apathetic, the lazy, and the foolish. I think that want of time cannot be justly pleaded «a an excuse for the unpreparedness of many people; for, except in the oaae of the very poor, and the abjectly miserable, all have a little spare time if they choose to use it, and if they recognised the necessity of making an effort in the direction of clotheß for the mind. Who that has entertained guests has not felt anxious at times, beforehand, to know how the party she is gathering together will aura e themselves ? Possibly, Bhe meditates, "Oh! Mr Smith can sing, and Mrs Fantas plays, so we Bhall get through the evening somehow." But, consider how frail are these threads for depending on. Mr Smith has an inkling how useful 'he is ; and, unless there is some speoial attraction, he will, of coquetry, stay at home, have a smoke and enjoy himself . Mrs Fantas may arrive; and if she has not a sprained wrist, or is utterly unable to play on this special evening, will perform— but, finding herself the only musician who can be induced to do anything, is annoyed, and the BenBible hostess will not preßß her. So that unless there are plenty of performers, and all are fond of music,, it is folly to depend on "a little music." Then, again, as the entertainer thinks over her approaching" evening," how the "heavy friends" rise before her. She must invite them; indeed, she wishes to . do so, for they are friends, and she knows their true worthiness.;, but, for all that, she wishes they would not so composedly Bettle down for a whole evening, contentedly prepared to make no remark whatever "out of their own heads," and to any attempts that are made by the brave leader of forlorn hopes, reply, " Yes, it is cold ;" " I read the paper, but I didn't see that;" "We're all quite well at home, thanks ;" " No, I don't care about reading; I've noiime" (nor brains, he might add) ; "No, I don't care for gardening; I don't object to flowers in a room;" "Oh! travelling does not interest me; I only want to get a •journey over;" "Politics! I don't care whioh party is in ; it's all the same to me;" "Women in politics:; far better they should, stay at home, and attend to household dutieß;" "Tbeatse; I saw the piece; I wished I hadn't ; I couldn't be bored to Btay to the end." By this time the leader of the forlorn hope is so dispirited that it is only the sound of approaching whist that saves her a despairing Bob, or a desperate feeling of longing to give the dullard a good shaking. If the party will not play cards, then there is, indeed, an end of all things and collapse sets in. But blessings on the head of the inventor of that game, which, without gambling, interests, and is also capable of loosening the tongue of the dumb— for those -who will not talk at any other time will frequently chat all through the game of whibt. When the game is over, and supper is announced, silence again sets in with some, and the valiant one, again to the fray, suggests to Mr Grumpus that " supper is a pleasaat meal;" to which he replies, "very «ttwhdleßome; I never fake it." He then proceeds to eat until it is time to depart, and will not, under any pretext, be drawn into saying anything more. On his return home he reflects peacefully that the party would have been nowhere without his presence. It may be asked, what is the use of any amount of preparation if one has not that natural, easy flow of conversation with which some are gifted? Now, we mast <not fall into the error of supposing that that "natural flow," whioh we admire, is uncultivated, unacquired, in anyway. There may not be any great effort, tut there is very likely an almost unconscious preparation. What is read is also assimilated, and life is lived sympathetically, not got through selfishly. I should say that not by reading do people become good talkerß, but, also, not without. Many great readers cannot ohat pleasantly; they wish to gain knowledge, yet it has never occurred to them that in this, as in other matters, * l thereisthatßeatterethandyetincreiseth." They have not imagined that fulfilling the social duty of talking may end in their finding the pearl of pleasure in many an unpror using oyster. Matty of the learned of the earth are not good company ; their ! cold Bcoin of all those who are not up toexamination point throws a Terrible blight on any general company they may be in. I have heard these aptly described as "learned, but uncultured." They see not -that much of the interest of life is outside the strictly scholastic point of view. ] So my point is, that first an* foremoat, we have calmly and deliberately to face the fact, that, although in many respects we are all so estimable, these is y«t lacking the one grace, the graoe of varied conversation. Ah ! I say varied, for ia some company there is not bo much to be found inability to say something as a •tendency alwayß to be drifting into the same remarks, ever to be talking of the eame old subjects. I once knew a lady , who laughingly forbade the question, "How are your fowls laying now?" So oft repeated was it that a nervous dread grew on her, she feeling sure that, in the f rat awful pause, it must come. Truly we long for some bright spirit, who will come and " trouble the waters " for us and give

a lively impetus to the stagnating pools of thought. I think the battle would be half won if people generally could have their eyes opened to their own shortcomings i not, as with sermons, think that the point strikes home through the joints oi ' their neighbour's armour, but nearer home. ' Doubtless, silent people would not all . suddenly become good talkers, but, taken j up as a dnty.it would not be long, I dare , wager, ere the vote of trying would end by becoming an ever-increasing pleasurable performance. In a short paper such as this, I cannot touch on all phases of my subject ; but I cannot close without uttering some word t of appreciation of the already-to-be-found good talkera— clever, learned, bright and \ pleasant. They shine, and their light is i seen from afar, and nearer their glowing ' warmth is felt. Their minds are enriched with the thoughts of the great and good, \ and from the fragrant soil easily spring | the bright flowers of ready speech, of wit, of kindly words ; nor do these fall only on their own compeers, but on all whose joy it is to come within the reach of their magic ' circle.