BROTHER GARDNER ON MUSIC.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 4343, 25 March 1882, Page 4

BROTHER GARDNER ON MUSIC.

"I has received a letter from Boston," slowly remarked Brother Gardner, as he .squinted from Samuel Shinn to Waydown Bebee. " I has received a letter from Boston azin' me for my obaervaahuna on de infiooence of musio on mankind. I reply dat mankind without music would be chawin' each odder up in half a day. Music am de stone wall dat surrounda marcy, peace, charity, and humanity. Only las' week I war' writin' down my- observashuno fur de laa' 47 y'ars, an' I will gib dem to de publio as follows:

"De soun' of a hoss fiddle brings up old reckoleckshuns an' starts de tear of regret. If played long 'nuff, an' de wind am in de right direckahun, it will cause de listener to shell out a subscripshun of 3000dols to'rds a new oull'rd Baptist Ohurch. Try it once, and be convinced.

"De soun' of a harp hits a man below de belt. He begins to fink of all de mean fings he ever did, an' to wiah he hadn't, an' at de eand of 15 minits he am all ready to step ober an' pay his naybur a dollar apiece fur de hens he shot in his garden las' spring. "De Boun' of the fiddle grabs on to sehen different hart strings at once, an' a man am knocked ao flat dat he will esteem it a priv'lege to len' you lOdols. "The jewsharp goes right to de soul. If your wife am all ready to 'lope off wid de hired man de notes of de jewsharp will take her bonnet off iv sixteen seconds. If you keep a hired man you should also keep a jewsharp. " Pianer music sometimes hits and sometimes misses. Ize known it to make an old bald head go home an' pasa two hull hours widoat cuffin' de chill'en, an' ize known it to caußC a young gal to slide down ober de roof of de kitchen and 'lope off wid de owner of a side-show.

"De guitar alius brings sadness and a resolution to begin on de Ist of Jinuary to quit runniu' out nights an' playing polioy. "De brass band might soothe a sorrowin' soul if de said sorrowin' soul didn't have all he could do to hold his hoss.

" De melodeon used to produce a desire on de part of the listener to be buried under a yew-yew tree, but I h'ar dey ha>e improved it so dat a pusaon had aa lief be buried under a basswood.

"De organ fills the soul wid awe an' strikes de heroic chord. If you am layin' for a man doan't tackle him just arter he has bin' takin' in de notea of an organ. "De banjo— yum ! If you want my dog — my hoss — my house and lot, play me de banjo an' keep time wid yer fut. I 'speot de music of angelio harps am sweet an' soft an' dreamy, but if dey want to keep us cull'd folks satisfied up dar a leetle mo' banjo an' a leetle less harp am de fust prescription."