RANDOM GOSSIP.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 4343, 25 March 1882, Page 3

RANDOM GOSSIP.

[By Vbbsbs .] " A good old man, sir : he will baiolkiag." — Shaehspeahk.

May I ask if the Editor of the Globe soberly, seriously and in sad earnest wishes us all to turn cannibals? Ib he a lineal descendant of Saturn, and does he dine off his own offspring ? My brain is not so active and penetrating in its workings as it used to be many years agone, but. I ace no other explanation for the following.recipe for bacon riasoles which appeared in his newspaper on Wednesday last. He aays :—" For theße any remains of cold children or voal can be used thua — Free it from bone, akin, and gristle, and mince finely ; aeaßon highly with pepper and a little salt, and, if procurable,, add two or three chopped mushrooms, some fine bread crumba, and mix the whole to a paste with the yolk of an egg. Have some neatly cut slices of bacon, pare the edges, lay eaoh slice out fiat, and put a little of. the mince on it, roll it up and skewer neatly ; fry in bacon fat and serve on toast."

Guzzling Jack and Gorging Jimmy, the would-have-been devourera of little Billee, are represented by Thackeray as having come to their last split pea ere one of them " pulled out his snickersee " to take away hiß tender life. And even Mr W. S. Gilbert's extraordinary hero, who was

At once the cook and tho- esptain bold. And mate of the Nanayrbri?, And the bo'suti tight and. th'o-midshipmite, And crow of the.-captauics-gig all rolled into one, only became a man-eater under extreme necessity — does not the veracious chronicle tell.ua "for a month we'd neither wittles nor drink " ft— and had come excuse. But the editor of the Globe is not a castaway in an open boa*-. 2000 miles from anywhere, and can get the beat of mutton at 2d or 3d per lb ; he oan have nothing to cay for himself.

• If babes and sucklings disappear from among üb, tbe weeping mothers— not to mention; Detective Neil— willknow at whose door :the- crime lays. Here is a man who with thread, vegetables, and meat at cheapest rates jand of the best, calmly invites us to can'nabalism with all the seductive art of a i'Soyer.

" For these any remains of children or veal' can be ÜBed " — heartless monater ! " Free it " — "them" with. the plural, remains, please ungrammatical cannibal—" from bone, skis, and gristle " — you inhuman wretch ! " Mincefinely " — ugh, Y»pu,ogre ! " Seaaon highly with pepper and salt; add three chopped, mushrooms" — blood-thirsty gourmand! " Mix the whole to a paste with the yoke of an egg "— Gracious Heaven i horror., on horror's head accumulates ! Cold missionary on the eideboard palea ita ineffectual fire before all thia. Let ua turn to something, else.

" Ii is ovesy mac's nature to err " was tie gloomy view taken of matters mundane by the Eton Latin Grammar. Editors should be superhuman in wisdom, so thoy teltme ; but alas ! they are not bo. Tbe post -office authorities lately kept the citizens-of a northern town waiting for come days for- choir San Francisco letters. Thereuponthe editor of the local papes- very rightly blustered 1 and thundered- a good deal in a lead ing- article, whioh he wound up aa followa :?-" -Rapidity of tranait indeed ! We are ever ready to cry out if tbe mail steamer ia a day. otr two overdue, yet whan arrived we proceed in the most leisurely way possible to distribute the aame."

Hurrah !' for the B.M.S. Zealapdia. When she next comes in and ia " distributed," I shall gob a kind friend of mine, one of tho officers, to address me a section of the propeller shaft — it will como in handily in thoae days of .ree fighta with larrikins.

Thore aro no eigne aa yet thai people intend, to " tidy up " and look thoir best when ou.s Exhibition gueatß arrive. The Mayor has a. great deal to do aa we all know; but if he could induce othere.to see that our roads are changed from beds of dust into well-metalled thoroughfares, hundreds of hloißings wauld be showered upon, him by visitors.

And then, too,. Mr Mayor, if that clpok at the Baiiway station would only show. late travellers its faoe, there would be ao many moro gueats go away with the idea thai Ohriatchurch was such a nice town, and w> full of conveniences. And if, with your persuasive ways you could get Commodore Erakine'a- men to. briDg eaoh an axe through the tunnel and how down thoso dreadful, hideoua, telegraph poles, you would earn the thanks of all right minded people. Tho wires, you could make a proson. to tho General Government, and send in the bill for t relaying them properly -where thoy should j havo been put at first, underground to wit. Thon we might have sveh nice photographs [ dono of our public buildings, with no nasty I dark i!y.p* ru-'-hi;; all •"{.■•.-van f>>n pichire. Flf - ■ think -a it, M? Mtitur. It could bo (fop?, you know.