AN HOUR AT THE CENTRAL STATION COURT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 2531, 4 May 1876, Page 3

AN HOUR AT THE CENTRAL STATION COURT.

(Detroit Free Press.) John Prinoo Johnson had an object in getting drunk. John Prince Johnson's wife is rot, more than nino tenths angel, acoording to bis story, and he wanted revenge on her. The other day she said to bim ; " Get up snd dust and go out and work and earn some cash and help me pay the rent and buy wood and keep something in tho cupboard." That was a nice way for a lovingwife to talk to a fat husband with a bald spot on his crown. Ho wanted to tit arour.d and get his breath for tbe spring campaign, hut she didn't seom to oare if he worked himself to death. He looked at hor across the stove and replied : «' Florinda Jane, I'll make you feel bad for .saying them words," and he put on his boots and went out in tbe cold world* When his Honor asked the prisoner if he had any excuse for being drunk, John Prince Johnson looked greatly pleased and replied : "None at all. Fine me five dollars ar.d she'll have to pay it out of her own mono * j" That was his plan to secure revenge. Hi 9 Honor also seomed tiokled when he Leard it, ' and he made tbo sentence for six \oontha or fifty dollars fln*J. When John P'.ice Johnson heard tho word his legs gave out and his teeth chattered. He said he had a> lame lee, the I asthma, a touch of ooneumptjpa and ft taste of

djspeptia, but nevertheless he would go right » out and tear up gronnd and throw bricks i around andstrike a job if tbe oourt would let bim off. The court wouldn't do it and Hr» Johnson, who was in the audience, went oat doors saying : '« He may howl, and rave, and pretpire and expire, but right op there is where hc'U roost till his time is out !" 888 BOABDXBS. The Widow Maple wm carefully and cautiously handed out by Bijab, and she repaid bis tenderness by doubling him op with a punch of her elbow in the rib*. Hia Honor said the ought to bo ashamed to act that way, and she replied : " I feel aa if I ould kill all the men in theworld !'* When informed that she had been picked ap by the police as ahe lay drank on th* walk, she replied : " What made me get drank ? Who knowa my troubles as well as Ido ? Oh ! sir, if yoa bad to bear wbat I do yoo would get drank and tear a bouse down f" She opaned a boarding-house awhile ago. and eight boarders soon kicked their leg* und- r her intension table. One died owing her fourteen do'hrs. Two others ran away owing her six dollars spired A fonrth stole her watch and went to Canada, and she turned the other four out doora because tbey had no money. " Now, rir, M she added in a broken voice, "if you were me wouldn't yoa want to take poi»on, or set a honse on fire, or kill some one ?" The oourt replied that human, character wm lead -coloured in it* natural state. Trials, tribulations and triumphs were a polishingpaste to burnish character end give it the shine of a silver spoon. He couldn't see how sheeoold s- art anew by getting drunk. She had a narrow escape from being frost-bitten, and he asked her if she wouldn't have looked handsome cla tering around the hou*e on toelee* feet or with a wooden limb. It wm hitduty, be thought, to fine her about 5 dollar*, but as she expressed a strong desire to tecure work and take a new departure in morals, thai' was allowed to go. A COED VUBAU. William Woods came to Detroit from np country to sell some lumber, and when no one wanted to purchase his lumber be aaid to himself i " 1 will leave the heathens to thei* own destruction and take a little whisky to warm up my vital organization." The fluid put him in mind of the long ago,, when be was happy aod fat. 80 he drank some more. Tbat drink made him feel as if he didn't care whether he ever sold another plank. A third drink sent him out in search of green peas and orange groves, and when the police found bim he was ljing on his baok at a woodyird gate. It was stinging cold, and he was dreaming. He kept calling for mom quilts and for hot bricks, and he yelled for his wife to getup and build a fire. The frost took hold of his ear* and toes, and he waa hooping around his cell all night. " And now," he remarked, as he finished his story to tbe Court, " tell me which way north ia and let me strike out for home, for I'm a sad -hearted and a frost bitten man." He was a»ked if it wouldn't have beea ninety per cent better for him had he stack ' to cold water and a clear head, and he pointed 1 to hi* frozen ear and replied : " I'm a fool, and tbat 'ere ear says to I Lemme git to a drug store atd I'll keep sober for the next million years !" A warm fire is a had thing on a frozen ear. Realising thi* his Honor kept Ur Wooda a little longer — long enough to warn him that a fro»tbite bangs to a man twelve months in tbe year, and that chillblains oa the heel had often prevented worthy people from ever getting into a place where they couldn't haul a boot off if occasion required. lAZY BBH THOMPSON. The next prisoner oat hadn't a frost-bite» anywhere around him. If the frost had bad ever so good a chance at bim it would havebeen licked to death in tbe struggle to fasten to flesh which hadn't been washed for weeks or months. Benj*min didn't go oui to fight the frost. He had been lying behind a hot stove in a saloon for several dajs when takes out by the poi s » as a vagrant. " I've got money coming to ane-^you can't call me a vagrant," replied the prisoner to the charge. His Honor said it seemed a clear case, and he only wondered hdw on earth the people a* the Honse of Correction would manage to make a clean spot on Ben's neck before next May. The prisoner offered to swear that he was worth ten thousand dollars in each, and that he owned four stores in Cleveland, but tbe Court couldn't sco bow swearing would help the case any, and he motioned Mr Thompson into the corridor. The prisoner had na sooner heard his sentence than be swallowed a shingle nail and three brass buttons, exclaiming : '- I'll die Tight here and right now !" Bij <h offered him more nails and buttons, ami some glycerine to help them down hi* throat, and when Mr Thompson saw thatthe world kept turning just tbe same as befors his threats he sat down en the saw-horse and exhibited great curiosity to find out if thrre was a base-ball club at the House of Common. HIS 01DH8T SISTKR. John Y. Boret was a stranger. He didn't, have tbat smile for the Court which an oldtimer pu'e on, and he didn't understand theprogramme. He thought Bijab had brought bim out to give bim a breakfast, and when he . didn't sco any crockery or waiters around he cri-d out tbat he bad been safely deceived. He was found stowed away in a freight car, calculating to make a trip, to Chicago. Alt tbe provisions he bad consisted of a photo* graph of Ton Bulow aad a fiv««st leaf of bread. He explained that be lived "down around th ir by Peoria," and that he had been in Detroit for three weeks looking for his oldest sister, who had left th* paternal residence in company with a traveling quack. Out of funds, and failing to Snd hU sister, he headed for the Wabtih to carry the cad new* borje. He thought he could get homo come wr»y if the court was willirjr, but tho 'court wasn't satisfied with the si.frr «tcry. Tho prisoner could hardly ren: ember Ihe name of the Mid sister, and be* waa a long tiu-e in describing ber looks. It wa"i decreed best to harg « "sixty days" sign m hia back, and w'nen the decision yea communicated to him oe replied •, i "The old man will cotzc on here and rai;e a row as high as this Iru;;.- !"" ' When court closed end tho Sf.^ria drove 1 around, tho man from mar Peoria pretended > to have a fit. Two quarts rf cold wae*p ' sprinkled on his ear brought hip out of it. > and he sat up on the bottom of the carriage ; and feelingly said : 1 "If I live to serve out my time I will h-oy ft dog and name him Ditxoitl"