Varieties.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 740, 6 October 1870, Page 3

Varieties.

An incorrigible New York loafer, being taken to task for his laziness, replied, " I tell you, gentlemen, you arc mistaken; I have not a lazy bone in my body; but the fact is, / was born tired V Reporters are often unconsciously satirical. An American paper says in an obituary:— "Mr Smith (was an estimable citizen. He lived uprightly. He died with perfect resignation. He had recently been married." When the Fifteenth Pennsylvania Cavalry entered the town of Dawson, Georgia, in the spring of 1865, among those who welcomed them was a negro woman, whose appearance denoted extreme old age. Impelled by curiosity, one of the *■* boya" rode up to her, and asked, " How old are you, auntie ?" " Well, chile," she replied, " I don't 'zactly know how old I is; but I was here when C'lumbus come." A gentleman who was very zealous on the subject of horses, but not zealous according to knowledge, bought a mare at an auction, and rode her home. " Well, Caesar," laid he to his sable coachman, " what do you think of her ? She cost me five hundred dollars." — "Dunno, master." — "Yes, but what do you think ?" — " Well, massa, it makes me tink of what the preacher said yesterday,— something about his money is soon parted. I disremember de fust part." During the time of great religious excitement, an honest Dutch farmer on the Mohawk was asked his opinion as to which denomination of Christians was on the right way to heaven. " Veil, den," said he, " yen we ride our wheat to Albany, some say dish read is the best, and some say dat; but it don't make much difference which road we dake, for when we get dere, dey never aik us which way we come — and it's none of their pizziness — if our wheat is good.