Varieties.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 721, 14 September 1870, Page 3

Varieties.

— — — ♦ A lady, describing an ill-tempered man, says " He never smiles but he appears at if he were ashamed of it." A blacksmith having been slandered was advised to apply to the courts for redress. He replied with true wisdom, "I shall never sue anybody for slander ; I can go into my Bhop and work out a better character in six months than I could get in a court-house iv a year." A soldier went into a shop at Brighton to purchase Borne trifling article, and observing some red herrings on the counter asked | what they were. The shopkeeper replied, 1 " Soldiers, my friend I" " Are they ?" rejoined the son of Mars ; " then I'll take them as deserters," and walked off with his pri- | soners, to the great amusement of the by--1 standera. A French paper publishes an anecdote of the late Dr Cabarras. He was called to see a well-known actress, and finding her in a state of great despondency, pronounced that there ; was only one thing to cure her. " Ahd, pray what is that, doctor ?" inquired the fair ' patient. " Marriage," replied he. " Why, J you are single, are you not, my dear doc- ! t or ?» « y e 3) madam ; but doctors only pre- • scribe remedies — they do not take them," 1 was the witty homoeopath's rejoinder. " A handsome reward will be given to anyone bringing back the dog," so said the bill. The dog was brought back. Tears of joy from the orbs of the spinster, and 5s placed ' in the hands of the dog fancier. "Do you | call that handsome ? I suppose you'll call yourself handsome next." The hall door is slammed, leaving the spinster on one side and the departed dog fancier and 5s on the other. A warning — handsome is that handsome does.