HOW HE MADE HIS FORTUNE.

Observer, Volume 9, Issue 524, 5 January 1889, Page 19

HOW HE MADE HIS FORTUNE.

I WALKED along that narrow country road with a heavy heart. I was out of employment, my pockets were empty, and I had no — ' prospect of getting a meal nor yet of finding shelter lor the night. Then the gall in my heart mounted. X ground my teeth, my eyes sparkled with rage, I clenched my fist in my empty pocket) I cast myself into the hedge, and glowered before mo into the glaring dusty road. At that moment my eye rested on something glittering before me on the road. It flashed in the sun like glass. I paid no attention to it at first, but its sight attracted my curiosity, and presently I stooped to see what it was. I picked up a little glass vessel, with a nozzle at one end of the tube, and an indiarubber receiver at the other. It was an antistylograph pen. Then hardly knowing what I did, I filled my left palm with dust out of the road and amused myself with charging the little inksyrihgo with it, and driving it forth again in a cloud, by compressing the indiarubber vessel at the end. I thought of nothing all the time, and observed nothing but this toy, till I was roused by a voice addressing me, and then I looked up. Opposite me stood a farmer, as I conjectured by his dress and general appearance. _He was watching my proceedings with great cariosity. ' Well, master,' says he, ' I reckon you've a queer sort of a hinstmment there. What be that now ? You be a doctor, I suppose f ' What else could I be ?' I asked ironically. 1 And what be that sorb of a queer thing in your hand ?' ' A surgical instrument, of course. 1 And what be that powder in the t'other hand?' „. . ... ' That ! Oh, that is the best possiole of medicines, the very elixir of life, a compound of the rarest and most valuable of all condiments. Its scientific name is Ton-d'apameibomenos-prosephe-podas-okus—Achilles.' The farmer was immensely impressed with the words— a line of the ' Iliad ' which arose uncalled for to my lips. ' And now,' he said, * might I make so uold us to ask what that medicine is good for ?' ' Every malady man is heir to "We all come to it at last and the sooner the better.' ' I'm bad in my liver,' said he. ' Now, if I may take the liberty to ask, does it touch the liver ?' 'Touch, the liver!' laughed 1. 'It touches it n-.ore strongly than calomel.' The farmer was greatly impressed. 'Hang it!' said he, ' I wish you would throw your dust into my eyes. I -ion't mind paying you for it. What is your charge ?' 1 Pive-and-six for such as you,' I said. The quality— a guinea.' Se drew forth his purse at at once and handed me the money. ' There now,' said he, ' blow away.' I blew the dust right into his eyes. He applied his handkerchief to them, and then said, shaking himself, ' Hang it . I believe you are right. I feel easier in my liver already There is uiy old woman, she's bad with lumbago. Now, do'ee think you could do her any improvement ?' ' Try me,' said I. ' Well, I will,' he said. ' Come along. Ik s not far off to our place, and if I misrht make so bold as to ask you to take a bite of dinner with us, I'd take it kindly. Here's another five-and-six, paid af orehaud for the old lady, and if she is better, in a day or two^we'll have you to throw dust in our eyes again.' 5 Ten minutes after I had half-a-gmnea m my pocket. , , After I had puffed into the eyes of tne iarrnsr s wife, and promised to call again, I hastened to the office of the principal local newspaper and inserted an advertisement— 'Dr. "Robert Flopjohn, M.C S. Salamanca, D.P.L. Mantua, Professor of Experimental Chemistry, Leyden, is visiting this town for a few days only. He is in possession of a panacea for all maladies, having arrived by a concatenation of evidence at a conclusion which has escaped all empirics. Dr. R. F. has practised for a number of years in the principal towns of the Continent, and tried his specific on a number of complicated cases aud has never known it to fail. In offering this new yet world-old remedy to the public, it is not like brinpiug out an untried article. For over twenty-five years it has been put to the severest test of experience. Fully understanding its ingredients, Dr. R. F. is prepared to say that not only will no injurious results follow, but tliat absolute success must ensue. He has never known it fail to either relieve or cure the disease for which it was taken. He has letters from all parts of Great Britain and Ireland, Germany, France, Belgium, Holland, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Russia, Tnrkey, and Greece, from those who have been cured of different complaints, which he wiJl be proud to show to anyone who desires to see them. Consultation from^ 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. and again from 6 p.m. to 9 V m - It was really amazing to see how my door was ■besieged with persons desirous of having dust thrown in their eyea after this advertisement had ■circulated. Money poured in. I was engaged m blowing dust into tho eyes of my patients ah day and until late at nig. t. 10 a.m. was too late to receive, 9 p.m. too late to knock oft work. Patients of all c 1 asses came to me. Some paid guineas, some half-guineas, most five and sixpence. I was now easy as to my future ; it was secured. As time passed and I found I had more patients than I could attend to, I extended my operations. I advertised it in every country paper I could hear of. I spent hundreds of pounds in advertisement, and every hundred I spent thus brought me in 10 per cent.— that is, a thousand pounds. Of course I could not attend to all those who sought an interview. I therefore did up little parcels of dust in b!ue, red, and gold paper. I had them stamped as quack medicines, and sold them at 2s l^d per packet. The injector I sold separately at 5.-;. But even this did not satisfy me. I announced that I would give a packet to everyone who would apply to me gratis. I put this advertisement in something like three hundred newspapers, and the result was that applications poured in on me from every quarter. lam afraid to say how many thousand packets I thus distributed free of charge. With each packet I enclosed a printed form to the effect that though the powder was «-iven gratis, yet the necessary apparatus for its injection into the eyes could not be given away without a small charge of five shillings to cover the outlay of its manufacture. These little squirts of glass and indiarubber cost me threehalfpence each from the manufacturer. I know that I sold 3,600 of them, which alone brought in less their cost, which was £22 10s, so that the net profit I uu'.de was .£877 10s. After that I had numerous orders for eyedust. On an average I sold five packets to each syringe, and that at 2s 1H each, amounted to .£1,912 10s. By visits and personal attendance on cases I made as much

as .£25 per week, or £1,300 per annum. That made per annum — £ s d Sale of squirts 377 10 0 Sale of dust , }M 2 n ™ « Professional attendance I,oOU v U X' 4.,090 0 0 I have not deducted the cost of advertising- and printing, nor of the red, blue, and gold paper m which I wrapped up the dust, nor of the sealingwax impressed with my seal (without which none was genuine). Roughly calculated, throwing dust in i oiks' eyes brought me in an annual income of .£3 500 But the most extraordinary feature of the case was that I received testimonials as to the efficacy of my remedy from all quarters, without any solicitation— indeed, every post brought me in recognition of the wonderful results that have followed on the throwing of dust into people's eyes. You might suppose that those who had once tried my remedy and found it to fail would have given it up in disgust. No such thing. They went on with it with unshaken credulity, till laid hold of by some other quack.