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Observer, Volume 7, Issue 333, 25 April 1885, Page 11

Miss De Grey is staying at Oram's. The Church Militant.— St. Matthew's. Mr Hugh Craig puts up at the Northern Club. A " rattling finish "—Being ruined at the dice-box. Bottled premier (Stout) is the favourite drink now. The Licensed Victualler's Motto — "Measures, not Men." The 'Ennery invites professional pickpockets to locate themselves in Auckland. " Beware of the man of one book " ; he is sure to be either an agent or a tax-assessor. The latest example .of Justices' justice. — A fine of £20 for being " under the influence." The betting fraternity mustered largely at Papakura Races ; they had the fun mostly to themselves. The probabilities of a % dissolution of Parliament during the coming session are growing stronger every day. If the Russians don't know as much about our defences as we do ourselves, it will not be the fault of the daily Press. " He gives twice who gives promptly," and it is therefor^ the part of prudence to come late on the subscription-list. Very rude of the medico's son to shut the door in a certain young lady's face at the Theatre Eoyal on Sunday evening. " Accidents will happen in the best regulated families," which shows the wisdom of avoiding the best regulated families. A circus is great comfort to parents. As long as Woodyear's is in town they know where their boys spend their evenings. Giving the name of "birthday" to a party that is coming off in three months is too good, "W". P. You are exposed since your visit to the jeweller's. Crowther's cabby, on returning to Remuera to take a younjJ 1 bride and bridegroom to their lodgings, was surprised to find his hire was two old fogies for Parnell. Nuff sed. TEXNYSOX, SLIGHTLY ALTERED. I hold it truth, with him who sings To one clear harp in divers tones, That men may rise on stepping-stones Of political friends to right soft things. Mr W. Lyons, the popular bookmaker, has returned from his excursion to the Hot Lakes. He says he feels like a giant refreshed, and is open to take anyone down at the latest current odds. Blue-Ribbon Booth has induced between 5000 and 6000 persons to don the bit o' blue in Christchurch. It would be interesting to know how many of his Auckland converts are still true to the blue. Misprints will present themselves in other columns besides those of newspapers. The author of a temperance novel, who wrote "Drunkenness is folly," was horrified to read " Drunkenness is jolly." One of the most touching sights to be seen in Queen-street is Bettany and Marsh toddling along arm-in-arm in sweet converse on supernatural problems. Is it a case of pure love and affection, or bacon ? "On what grounds do you leave me without the customary week's notice ?" indignantly asked a lodging-house mistress of a leaving boarder. "Coffee grounds, mum ; coffee grounds," he tartly replied. A Scotch minister said recently, somewhat sarcastically, of a toper, that he put. an enemy into his mouth to steal away his brains, but that the enemy, after a thorough, and protracted search, returned without any. We hear from Helensville that a certain gentleman, whom we describe as D.S., will shortly lead the fairest of the fair, the charming E., to the hymenial altar. It is too bad of the larrikins preparing so many .kerosene tins for the occasion. The Hon. the Minister for Public "Works left for the seat of Government by the Coptic. "While here he confined himself strictly to business, and did not attempt any "gag" in the way of practical or ideal political speeches. So far as the Hon. Mr Richardson is concerned the political education of the people will have to be selftaught. Two urchins just out of the Presbyterian Sunday School, on". Suridny afternoon last, got into a wrangle in Union-street as to whose father said the shortest grace after meals. The first lad declared his father did, because all he said was " Thank God." The other one retorted — " Ah ! man, mine puts his hand on his belly after he's had his dinner, and says " There !" "We have a friend of the legal profession who is the father of a bright boy of six summers. In attending a funeral recently he took this lad with him. During the early par; of the service the boy maintained a proper decorum, but towards the close he grew restless and wished 1 to speak to his father, who whispered, with- some sternness, in his ear, "You must keep quiet." "Just let me speak, one word to you papa, and I will." ''Well what is it?" " There are twenty-one bald-headed men in the room besides yourself." • ...

A poet exclaims, ' Raindrops on the roof.' Of course it drops on the roof. That's what the roof is for. It is alleged that persons who trim their finger nails with their teeth are ill-tempered. Surely the charming young lady who plays the organ at the Forester's Hall, Helensville, is not one of that number, although during divine service her nails seldom get any rest. Bill Proffitt and the "white-tatted 'un" left by the Te Anau, on Thursday. Proffitt has ha I several good offers for his celebrated hurdle racer, and it is probable the horse, if not Bill, will go oh to Melbourne, from whence we expect to hear more of Mr Maccaroni. he'd a poem. He'd a poem, had the poet, And he sought the sanctum dim, Hoping fur a chance to show it To the editor so grim. - He'd a poem, had the poet, On the "Eosy Cheek of Dawn," And he got a chance to show it — Poem, poet, both are gone. The coal mining companies of the Mokau are said to feel very keenly the delay in clearing the river of .snags. When Mr B,allance was there he promised a grant to complete the work, but the promise, like the work is incomplete, and coal in Auckland is at a premium. The Pacific Mail Company want a thousand tons, and can't get half of it. Of the many promises made by John, this at least ought to have been kept. Mr August Volbracht, the great tobacco growing promoter, has returned to headquarters. His tour of inspection of the tobacco growing districts has now beea completed. The tour has occupied about six weeks, and some 84 farmers have been visited. The industry is in a flourishing condition and the future prospects very pro-, mising. Mr Volbracht intends publishing in a few days a detailed report of his trip, describing the districts where tobacco may most profitably be grown and the variety most suited to the various soils. A PASTORAL. An humble boy with shining pail, Went gladly singing down the dale, To where the cow with the brindle tail, On clover her palate did regale. A bumble bee did gaily sail, Far over the soft and shadowy vale, To where the boy with shining pail, Was milking the cow with a brindle tail. The bee sat down on the cow's left ear, Her heels flew up through the atmosphere, 4 And through the leaves of the chestnut tree, The boy soared into eternity. A very social party was held, in honour of Mr M. Coleman's coming of age, at the residence of his parents, Newton. A sumptuous tea was provided, and after the good things were partaken of, the party retired to a spacious room, where games of all descriptions were indulged in, with dances and soHgs at intervals. The music, which was supplied by Mr J. Fletcher and Miss S. Coleman, was all that was required. As the ladies were all so well dressed, it would be invidious to particularise. The party broke up at 12 o'clock, everyone going home ap- . parently well satisfied. A welch girl sued a former lover for breach of promise, and produced several of his letters with postscripts containing promises of marriage to substantiate her claim. The court, however, threw the letters ont, inasmuch as it was discovered that in the postscripts, when the personal pronoun was necessary, a small 'i' was used, while in the lo ly of tlie letter it appeared properly as a capikil, showing that the two parts of the epistle had not been written by the same hand. The young woman lost her case, and will probable learn to write properly before she tries that dodge again.