THE COUNTRY

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 155, 1 September 1883, Page 12

THE COUNTRY

Makgawai Beach. — T. and S. are fighting j hard for the right bower with M. 8., the odds | being 3 to 1 on S Was it necessary for the two Johns last Sunday to take charge of the barmaid ? ; WHANOABEi.—Brown lias returned to Auckland with an extra heart, how we all envy him... ' ...The singing in the English Church is heavenly, B.s high notes are like toothache. .....X. is going in heavily for old maids. I suppose he thinks them better than nothing Why does H. make such eyas at the widow ? Alexandra. — Mr !N\ and Miss A. L. were too utterly utter at the Te Bore hop Does J. M., of Te Bore, mean something this time, or what took him to the dance? Who was the dark A. 0. that was overheard trying to press his suit during the dance at Te Bore ? Why did he not wait for a better opportunity ? When he was restored to his senses, he " fought shy." HabbistiiiiE. — How does Bob feel when he ia up the gum-tree singing " I would I were a bird ?" Xook out for No. 1. Her father is a good shot... ...How was it W. did not give a spree at hia wedding ? Panmube. — Did George 8., see Kate on Sunday Who is the schoolmaster that employs most of his spare time in poaching? On a stormy night Prank generally gets under the lee of the white gates Johnny was very jealous of H. Me, at the Otahuhu ball. Wklil.sk>bd. — That Swede must not "turnip" in Wellsford again Arthur is trying to cultivate a beard, and looks quite captivating It was amusing to see Jack dance with that buxom young lady The grass widow isn't looking well. Is it on account of that tall young surveyor going away without wishing her good-bye ? Mangabe.— The poundkeeper has had a lively time since that fail* young man came home Does' that dark beauty wear two rings to make people believe she has two strings to her bow ?... ...0. P. has bought a grand new charger, does he intend going hunting again ? When is W. B. thinking of making a certain family minus one ? Kaiwaka. — How sly they were over the mail petition. W. will slink behind the ti-tree when liemeetsourjollvfriendß Have theAdulluinifces and Bethelites fraternised in one common cause? Ask P. when the bridge will be finished? H. now keeps a hanking account... ...Myhen -will 0. and K. tie the kuob ? The cage is ready. Tb Abai. — What would the new teacher's intended have said if she had seen him spooning with the belle on the verandah ? How did M. and Miss J. like being locked out? Sal is coming home. J. ia in raptures. Mind you don't have to run away. Tommy...... Does Tom's old man leather him with a batten yet? How did tfye Amijboys enjoy their ride to Schnapperland ? MakalA. — Point was too much for Jack Fungus will be a shining light as wicket-keeper this season...... It is rumoured that Tom lost that not© at Phillip's .There's a good example for you next door, William Johnny, has sadly iegleated #id little farm since he paid the bu'su-

man too much for falling The chronicle used to be a publican. Ye gods I how are the mighty fallen. MoeeiWSTIIIiE. — Who was the dark young man the widow got to cut her hair over her forehead? It must be getting hard times with Charlie when he has to start butchering The navvy boarders hare the run of Mrs C's piano at the Nottingham Castle A policeman is very much wanted here...... That lady was insulted when she was told about keeping her house open on Sunday's. . G-isboene. — 8., the lanky cashier, seems right on the job with Miss 8., let us hope he means business this time ; people think " once bit twice shy." Daisies would make a nice button-holefor the black coat R., the ironmonger, jour Wellington tricks won't do in G-isborne, so look out... ...MissF., what did the lightning- jirker say to you to raise that awful temper of youra at the Bachelors' dance ? What was the matter with Willie at the ball the other night ? It seems strange the ladies should all give him the cold* shoulder. Katjkafaxapa. — There was a nice party at the Camp, and cakes and jam tarts were supplied in abundance. Mrs H. wore a red silk dress, trimmed with black ; and the two Misses S., winecoloured dresses, trimmed with Scotch plaid A young lady of this district has been keeping company with a young man for several years, and has accepted a great number of presents from him. She has now treated him in a most heartless manner, and proved herself a perfect flirt, and report says she is to be married to another. [Thi3 is by no means an uncommon occurrence. — Ed. Obs/] Is S. going to the wedding after the way she has treated L. ? Pabboa. — The Auckland Concert Company gave a concert and drama in our Public Hall to a fair audience. Only a few remained to the hop, and the honour of belle seemed to be divided between Miss Ritchie and Miss Cock. J., ever mindful of the frailty and fickleness of womankind, kept out of harm's way, to the chagrin of the stalwart youth, who drowned his grief in the wine-cup One of the two couples who rode to Te Aroha are already engaged Cards on and busy feet under the table is a game now much indulged in by a well-known quartette Albert's addresses to Annie have not been respectfully declined A marriage is expected between the Scotch student and Kate ; a worthy couple Waiobongomai. — We have now, thanks to the new formed Waiorongomai Quadrille Assembly, regular weekly dances. The Assembly is under a good committee, and Harvey does his best to please every one. One larrikin fastened a good size pigtail to his co&t, which made him the laughing-stock for all the evening, poor fellow I Maurice says he is sure to fall deadly in love with a certain girl, but his mate Pan is going to try and cut him out Mick came from the hill to enjoy a good waltz, and spooned all the time with Margaret Alice has the opinion that there are a lot of fellows but none like Tim Big Bill was quite delighted after seeing his girl in Te Aroha Fred is as good a postman as we can have, but I believe he telephones too much to the other township. Te Aboha. — K. S. found her tight**dress very inconvenient when getting through the rail fence last Sunday Miss S., of the Thames, paid Te Aroha a visit last week, and B. was made happy once more Fred and H. G-. deserted their pets, and went pig-hunting on Sunday. Be careful, Fred, or you will lose her .H. W. has just returned from his Southern trip ...Mrs — and B have been doing the district in grand stylo. It is rumoured that when B. retires she is to join 0. in the new hotel...... "What an ass A. was to put uj) with such an uncomfortable bed, when his workshop was warm and comfortable ! He should laarn to walk a greasy pole, then ho would not require an antedeluvian boulder for a pillow Little C. should get a less spirited animal; never mind what Abbott sa3's. He only seeks to get off some bookmaker's liability The K's. will do well in their new hotel. Patience is a virtue, and they deserve a reward. Mebottet Bay.— A ball was given at Whitianga Hall, by A. W. and H. H., on the 18th ultimo. It was attended by 40 couples. Mesdames C. and T. were pronounced the belles. Mrs R. looked charming in her black silk dress. Oh, my J wasn't Walter W". in it last dance with those red dressed tar-pots Who is the lady-killer in the lower mill that boasts of " kissing " all the young ladies he takes borne ? Charlotte says she will not fall ixilove any more Mary says Slim Jim is so talkative that nothing but the toothache can make him hold his jaw Julia has left for the metropolis, and the sorrowing Tom is all alone... ...What a nice walking stick Jack makes for that young lady What fair young man is that who hangs round the store at nights? T. is still sojourning here, and it is rumoured that he has been induced to take the Bine Ribbon Ask mine ex -host how he got on with his late case re polluting the stream ? Capital story that. Lake Tatjk>. — Who were those two A. C. men in the billiard room of Lake House talking about their British blood ? W n 7 wasn't A. S. there to take them home in his wheelbarrow? Ask A. S. where he spends his evenings now ? Does he find the walk to the Springs benefits his health ? ! It was too bad of J. and B. to pull down the | tent while the ladies were bathing. For shame ! . . . I ...What's the matter with Daisy and little Joe, j are they sworn foes, or is it only a lover's quarrel ? What attraction has J. Or. at the house j round the corner, is it twenty-fives ? Look out, Joe, you are watched... ...Ask Daisy how she enjoyed the shooting? Ask the Captain about the Irishman ? Is it to see the light out at the pub, or to see the fair Daisy that takes Miles over every night lately? The Count has just recovered from his illness Ask Bambenie who ! stole the cigarettes ? It was too bad of you to blame poor Daisy. Otahtthtt. — Modest Sampson has thrown off bashfulness and taken to nursing girls in the ballroom Rose was in ecstasies when J. L. lent her that sash Spooning in the gallery with Jane appeared more to Barney's liking than assisting the M.C. at the 8a11...... Dutch Charlie did a great flutter with Mary Jane at the hop, and says " Mein Got she yas te pest vajtzer in ter room " Kelly, why flirt -with those Panmure

girls so much? So openly too. Fiemjphn ! Charley N. seemed out of sorts at tneball, lovesick or jealousy, eh] Charley? Who were the parties from the Flat Bush that pocketed their blue ribbon before entering the ball-room ? It was too bad of those young jmen not to waltz when pretty Miss Wi kindly offered to play The Commercial Traveller has some pluck (?), and deserves some credit for the way in which he acted about those Lancers, eh Frank ? Mick has obtained her consent, but finds the father immovable. Wabkwobth. — We have an ogre, who, with his myrmidons, are like the witches in Macbeth, and hold ghostly meetings with nocturnal revels j at which honest men and women are defamed, cursed, and exorcised, and where discord and bad feeling in the district first have birth.' In their : most accursed orgies, lawlessness and rancour prei vails, while truth and oharity — the queen of virtues — are utterly unknown ; their respective ; individualities and haunts are nevertheless, albeit their " assassins' stabs," are dreaded by the weak and foolish. Into their pot, all seething with the dread and baneful liquids of spite, falsehood and envy, they throw in heterogenouslj the parson, schoolmaster, doctor, or whatever innocent but unlucky prey the Fates may throw in their way as sacrifice on the unholy altar of caprice. Sometimes they elude the Press and public by tissues of falsehood ; sometimes they oppose local societies (witness the disbanding of the Choral Society), while most unscrupulously do they back-bite and slander their neighbours. I hereby caution these disturbers of the public peace and harmony, that the Obsebvee — backed by an incensed public — will expose their deeds of darkness and their ghoulish proclivities if not at once stopped, and that if their midnight conclaves htive hitherto influenced the district, the " spell " now is broken, and the rays of the lantern of revelation and truth will be poured en their doings by an observer. New Plymouth. — What a generous, goodnatured soul Jim D. is to give .£BSO for the purpose of erecting an ornamental bridge in the recreation grounds ! May his shadow never grow less, and may ho live long to enjoy the selfcomplacency such a good action always brings with it. "When the bridge is erected I would advise him to place sign boards at each end, notifying young lovers that they mustn't monopolize the concern, nor carve their names on the wood-work, nor commit any other act that they should not thereon. The opening ceremony will bo a most imposing affair, and it is expected that a certain young lady will do the christening with a bottle of fizz. His Worship the Mayor will then deliver a grand "horation," and "the music" will be let loose by tho Rifle Band, Tom W. taking the leading solo on tho trombone. General D. will then " dip " the colozvs of the Mounted Rifles, and Captain Ellis order a firing party from his company to give a feu de joie. Then will be a grand procession of boats on the Lake, Captain Holford and Captain James Kenyon acting as Rear Admirals. To crown all tho representatives of the Press will bo there with their notebooks, and an account of ten columns will appear of the affair in the local daily " Buster," while the News man will crib what he wanta from the other fellow. Won't there be high jinks ! and all owing to tho generosity of dear, old Jim What a good trick that was of tlio Bell Block farmers compelling the Acclimatisation Society to disgorge £10 in order to poison the small birds. How much of .that sum will bo spent at White's Hotel ? and hovr much on poison ? It matters not, however ; according to Sir William Fox it will be spent in poison Who was that heathen that trundled a whoel-barrow along Down-street on Sunday, to the great disgust of the man who gave his mito to the Foreign Missions? Was it an act of devotion that led him to work in the cemetery on Sunday ? or was it to " do " the sexton out of a few shillings ? If the former he should be held blameless, but if the latter he should bo consigned to utter darkness Does that old Drake at Inglewood imagine his quaking will convince people that the Bible is only a book of fables, and that the sine qua non of learnedness is to despise all things religious ? How does he come to bo so knowing himself — the embodiment of all knowledge ? and is it not possible for anything to exist outside of his philosophy ? With what dogmatic arrogance ho snarls at the weakminded people who go to church while lie is engaged chopping firewood or feeding his swine. It is to be hoped he will some day " come to himself," like the prodigal son, and then he will understand feelings that can lead sensible men and women to enter a church and be happy Tbe following lines have been composed on the figure-head adorning the Alexandra Hall in this town : — • Take down that ugly figure-head, It isn't to be trusted ' As like the Avon Bard a bit. I wish that it wa3 busted Up, with dynamite, or gunpowder, Or nitro-glycerine. Will Shakespeare's ghost -wwald fee&itate Before he would be seen In a fifty -acre paddock With that truly awful creature j It isn't like old William In a a solitary feature. It seems to smirk at everyone-, The larrikins as well, At the two and four shilling seats',. And that musical old swell, Who runs the pianeforte. Oh, I think you might afc least Whitewash it, or do something To conceal the ugly beast. It makes me feel quite ill, it does, Like love-sick Juliana, After she partook too freely Of some ipecacuanha. Off with it to the Court-house To meditate the laws on, I And the even-handed justice i Of District Judge C. Bawson. With a wig on it, no doubt there'd be i Sometimes a little bother To distinguish very easily ' One " wooden head " from t'other. Tattbanga. — Artemus has a grievance. He tried to scare the Town Clerk into receiving a tender after time, but the Town Clerk wasn't scared worth a^flgnt ; so Artemus rushed into print, and seouredHb moral support of the Press, and the

unhappy Town Clerk wilted,' ahsH'&iiWr*r been the same man sinbe. ORturioiifr says -Artemus contemplates standing for the Mayoralty* hence his sudden interest in municipal affairs .A man> at Te Puke the other morning left his work tpftoy a simple errand a bachelor, and returned,' a^V many dajs and a rousing spree, to the surprise A,. self and mates, a benedict, with two posthumous olive branches as the foundation of bisfainily Only two people refused to sign the people's protest against the confiscation of their heritage *— the bare-faced attempt of " our patsraal flprernment" to foist upon them as an endowment all the impassable morass in the Borough, wvwhafc Mr Gray would expressively term " amphibious lf lota — neither land nor water, but a mixture' of both. The two people were, of course, the archobstructionist and his son. After this a certain section of the burgesses may understand exactly how much their quondam leader has their interest at heart, and how much his own pitiful self-esteem ; and can estimate at their Value all the noisy mouthings about the welfare of the district. %

"Bepobt fbom Pabis Exhibition* copied from Manchester Courier, Friday, 28th June, 1878." — The most comprehensive exhibit 13 that of . . . . . « merchants, manufacturers, and dyers, Manchester, London, Paris, and worts at Oldham. They show velvets and velveteens, in various shades, including ••Amethyst black," and "blue black" for costume trimmings, &c. These are admirably dyed, and the arrangement of the shades for exhibition is exceedingly artistic and effective. There arc some well finished whito velvets, and some of the printed velvets show good design and careful workmanship; one shawl pattern ia brilliant and effective. Some fancy cords are neat, and the show of ordinary cords and moleskins is good. Tnero are also good samples of dyed and printed lambskins, satins, twills, serges, and cambrics for linings* W. ilattray, Sole Agent for Auckland. " London and Pabis Magazine. — Feb., 1881. — " Eoyal Amethyst " Velveteen. This elegant material, to which we are very pleased to call the attention of our readers, possesses the lustre, softness, aud tone of the best Lyons velvet, and may be used for any purpose to which silk velvet can bo applied. It certainly shows the perfection which can be attained in the manufacture of velveteen, which has now become so fashionable a material that no lady's wardrobe is complete without , one costnme, if not more, of this elegant texture. The colour of the " Eoyal Amethyst" Velveteen is very deep and rich, with the beautiful soft shadows in the drapirgs which were once only to be found in the richest silfc velvet. The pile is quite fast, and the colour permanent, which are great additional advantages. The "Eoyal Amethyst" can be used with equally good. effect for an entire costume, or for mixing with the many fashionable fabrics now so much in vogue. Ladies should be very careful, in purchasing this charming velveteen, that they get the right article, every piece and box of which (when genuine) is stamped with the word " Amethyst," and two crowns. W Battray, Sole Agent for Auckland.

A-'i^'t*