THIS WICKED WORLD

Observer, Volume 2, Issue 49, 20 August 1881, Page 562

THIS WICKED WORLD

—The love-making on board the Rakaia, during her outward passage, was tremendous. —John McLiver lias got tired of his guano, but the Frenchman still sticks in his gizzard. — The reclamation works — the declamation works. —The flaming and Lotteries Bill— The Gammon and Potteries Bill. — Some people think the reclamation intake is altogether a "take in." —Prince George has been suffering from chilblains in the toe. Chilblains are now fashionable in Australia. — The young ladies of Coromandel Avonder what the attraction is that takes Georgie Grey to town once a month. — There was no convivi.il meeting at Boyd's Hotel, Coromandel, on Saturday evening owing to poor Green's accident. — The Junction Hotel at Tiki is now complete, in fact the only thing the proprietor (who is an awfully shy man) wants is a wife. — Mr McMillan thinks the reclamation question should be "steadily urged upon the Government." Exactly— " Keep it steadily in view." —The Right Rev. Lord Abbot Alcock will give a lecture on Ancient Ireland at the Choral Hall, on Monday the 29th instant, in aid of the Newton Catholic Church. — If Billy Swanson does not secure a large number of votes in the Ponsonby district It will not be through any fault of his own. He has made a good ha(u)l(l) for that fortunate locality. — The young lady who lost her frisettes at a dance the other night can recover them by sending her name and address to the gentleman who picked them up. She knows. — Willie Tregonning of the Telegraph is great at love-making. It has been ascertained from carefully compiled statistics that his conquests average two per week. — Two young couples used to play speculation and consequences in the saloon of the Arawata, till Captain Sinclair had to order the lights to be put out. — A letter from the Gympie diggings, Queensland, says that miners' wages there are £3 per Aveek and work is plentiful. — Fifteen Thames people left by the last trip of the Arawata for Sydney. Most of them are probably now en route \o the Mount Brown rush. — The ladies, in the Arawata say they would like to spend six weeks in quarantine. Perhaps Mr Barnsley would invite them down to keep Dr Sandes company. — The silver cornet was too good to take to Motuihi, so those of a musical turn of mind had to content themselves with Moody and Sankey, conducted by the chief engineer. — A Parnell young lady is anxious to secure a copy of the " reversed edition " of the New Testament. At least so she was heard to remark to a friend, who, strange to say, did not correct the blunder. — According to rumours which are pretty well founded, a certain tradesman living not a hundred miles from N , loves his niece "not wisely, but too well;" and she, alas! reciprocates his affection. Naughty man. — Some of the young ladies of the Pitt-street Band of Hope were much displeased with Mr Rosser's recitation, "Learn to say No." They contend that it depends altogether upon the eligibility of the young man who makes the offer. — What a "pile" the booksellers must haA r e made by the sale of the first batch of the Revised NeAv Testaments. Similar copies to those which they sold for three shillings and sixpence can noAv be purchased for eighteenpence each. — It was too cruel to encore young S. at St. Sepulchre's for his singing of the "Midshipmite." He could not believe the audience Avere taking a "rise " out of him. Nevertheless it Avas so. — Concerning th.it gloA'e story, the real Nellie is industriously employed placing it on the shoulders of another young lady the happy -possessor of the same initials. So there is Avar to the knife betAveen the "fair Helens." — If pretty little Miss V., of a well-known "liotel in Queen-street, does not haA r e her neAv maroon dress lengthened, the "irrepressible Dick " has determined to drink at her bar no more. — A party of five went out fishing at Motuihi on Sunday morning, and after sailing about all day looking for a good place, returned towards •evening Avith one schnapper. A boy caught 20 the day before in an hour off the rocks. — A four-in-hand club is the latest "start" amongst our young bloods, and the Relative of Ttoyalty is so smitten AAith the idea that he is .getting up a mixed team of roans and chestnuts, and means to Avrite to Ted Wales to choose a drag for him. — Mr Grand Bashaw Worthington's lecture on Friday evening last Avas interupted by some shameless practical joker who turned oft' the gas at the metre in the very middle of it, thereby leaving the someAvhat limited audience to grope in the dark for a mauvais quart d'keure. — Before John Dickson, the elemented snip, got into the hands of the Philistines, he Avas impressed Avith the hallucination that he Avas King David, and took up pieces of scoria in ■order to slay the Goliah who approached him in the form or a stalwart policeman. — We may say the same of Mr Dick's sneers at Auckland in the House as Avas said of Richard Babley (Mr Dick) in " David Copperfield," when he Avas incessantly babbling about King Charles the First's head. "It don't signify ;it keeps him employed." — The draAving master employed in the common schools of the city, receives from his pupils the title of Mr Terrific. The Colonial tongue cannot get round Trevithick Avith any degree of

facility — hence, we suppose, the adjectival substitution. — Mr Barry's recitation of ' ' The Hostage " at the fareAyell to Mrs Mitchell Avas simply terrific. His thunderous tones and aAvfully aAvful tragic manner so affected the audience that Avhen the refreshments Avere handed round some of them AA'ere actually unable to partake. — We hear that Ayoub Khan has cabled a message of gratitude to Mr \V. J. Napier for his exertions in carrying a resolution at the St. James's Mutual Disprovenient Association to the effect that the evacuation of Kandahar by the BriWU was a prudent and politic step. — The editor of a Aveekly contemporary received a mysterious packet, sent by post the other day. On opening the bundle it proved to consist of religious tracts, containing many pious exhortations against the A'oice of falsehood. The editor has constituted himself an amateur decective for the purpose of identifying the person Avhose handwriting appears on the Avrapper. —On consideration of the whole of thecircumstances, Aye think the City Council acted prudently in refusing Mr Williamson's offer to sell the Surrey Hills Estate for £100,000. The ratepayers' shoulders are already sufficiently burdened by the general rate No. 2, special rates Nos. 1 and 2, and library rate Avithout being subjected to further taxation to meet the interest on £100,000. — A curious fact leaked out during the hearing of the smuggling case at the Police Court on Tuesday, Avhen Mr Hesketh applied for leave to refer to the Court notes of Maurice Kelly's evidence. Mr Barstow informed the learned counsel that he had lent that portion of the evidence to some person avlio had not returned it, and Mr Hesketh had consequently to rely on the neAVspaper reports. — After the collection for the Home Mission Fund at St. Sepulchre's a Sunday or two ago, the Rev. Mr Dudley referring to the meagreness of the cash harvest, stated that the greater portion of the amount had been donated by fourteen persons. Query : Did the vestrymen who collected inform Mr Dudley of this fact or did he gain the information from the fourteen more liberal contributors. — Common people assert the Presbyterian divines of Auckland are decidedly inert ; in fact, that they were born tired. They look Avith disfavour on any Aveekday encroachments on their time, one of them even going so far as to object to the holding of a prayer-meeting — at any rate grumbling that lie should be required to attend. — Mr Waymouth, according to the Herald, recommends that no teachers be employed in our public schools unless they can control their tempers effectively. We say "hear, hear;" but is not the suggestion something like the pot calling the kettle black? Judging from Avhat Aye have just heard of Mr W., he Avould hardly make a first-class example of Avhat a good-tempered person ought to be. He never gets angry ; no, ne\ T — Avell, hardly e\'er." — When lecturing the other evening Mr Mackechnie Avanted an illustration of the different views taken of the same subject by great minds, and quoted the Auckland Grammar School governors on the Macrae question. The "great minds" took well, and a good laugh was indulged in. Mr Mackechnie says justice never was, and never Avill be, secured as long as man comes and goes into this world ; and he's about right. — Is it a fact that Mr Holmes' tender for the new Devenport ferry boat Avas £50 beloAV Bailey's — the one accepted. Why have the estimates been kept so "dark?" Other companies do not do things bo, but rather giA r e every opportunity to the press and public for perusal. All tenders furnished to our architects are published in the Star and Herald, and Avhy not those for the neAv boats, forsooth. Surely, there is nothing to hide, — Mr James Mackay, juu., accompanied by his amiable Avife, paid a visit to the Thames last Aveek, and would no doubt be warmly receiA r ed by the community theA r had such agreat hand in founding. It is understood that Mr Mackay intends A\ r ooing the suffrages of the goldfields constituency at the forthcoming election. Some of our readers may not be aware that Mrs Mackay started the first Sundayschool at the Thames. — The King of Sweden was put by mistake in a A r ery small room Avhen he first arrived at his hotel in London. The Prince of Wales called upon him, and remarked it. "My dear f elloAA r , " said the jovial monarch, "I rather like it — it reminds me of home." The Prince looked puzzled. "You see," said his Majesty, noting the look, " I can't help thinking of my country when I look at this (s)weeden. Albert Edward at once threw a footstool at him. —The S. B. Office had a policy of £500 on the MegMerrilless Avhile engaged in the labour trade. The Meg landed 82 darkies at Suva and Avliile on the Avay for a further instalment became a AA r reck. The question now arises whether the vessel Avas really engaged in laboxir trading when wrecked, and Avhether the Insurance Company is liable. It is whispered that the claim Avill be contested. — An unfortunate literary man at Hamilton Avas recently the victim of a case of mistaken identity. Being accused of Avriting certain disparaging remarks against a certain local magnate, and declining to disclaim the authorship of the obnoxious article, he Avas summarily chastised on the spot, the offended person smashing his spectacles in the violence of the exercise. The cream of the joke Avas that the real offender surveyed the scene from a safe distance — not a very manly or creditable action, Aye think. — The Archbishop of Canterbury has said another excellent thing. The King of SAveden asked him Avhat he thought the effect of the Revised Version of the NeAv Testament Avould be. "Your Majesty," ansAvered the prelate, "I think it Avill inspire another." "Another Avhat?" said the Iving. " I think it Avill inspire aversion, "• replied the prelate; "does your Majesty see it?" "O, yes," said the King. '• Very good. What Avill you take Avith me ?" "A lemon squash," Avas the ansAver ; and they split one betAveen them, and each went his separate way rejoicing. —The poetry of motion— McG.'s Avaltzing. Who can doubt it ?* With onehand in the air,

and the corresponding foot describing a complete semi-circle round his partner, he is an object worthy of all the gush of our local poets. Mac is proudly conscious of his superiority in the Terpsichorean art, .and regards with compassionate interest the eftorts of a few imitators to learn his inimitable step. - When Mr Ormond's no-confidence motion was under discussion Mr H. telegraphed to the manager of a leading bank, asking, " How does the public pulse beat? How do the majority expect me to vote ?" This elicited a reply to the following effect : "If you vote against the Government there is a strong probability of that little business connected with the shortening of the road from to S P being stopped. " — There .are occasionally some amusing things in the cablegrams. The other day we were informed that Ayoub Khan, being then in the immediate neighbourhood of Kandahar, and finding his army " insufficiently strong in cannon," had sent fifteen of the cannon to Herat. This is tantamount to saying that Wellington at Waterloo, finding that his artillery was inadeqxiate, sent fifteen guns to Brussels. — There was a levee held the other day in a certain mercantile house in Lower Queen-street. Upwards of forty applicants attended in answer to an advertisement for a storeman at the Kaipara. It turned out that the person required to nil the position must be able to keep books, serve at the counter, and fill up his spare time by milking cows, ploughing, tilling a garden, and rowing a boat. The salary ottered tor this combination of talents was 15s a week and board ! — What has become of that petition re the public baths, girls? 'Twould be too-terribly-terrible to let the matter drop after carrying the thing so far. Why shouldn't^ our girls have a bath on Saturday afternoon as well as our boys (echo answers ' ' why ?") and so cool their delicate little minds and bodies and suitably prepare them for the Sabbath following. Really, you ought to be more energetic, girls ; come, get that petition through the Council or die in the attempt — there's dear children ! — A friend ot ours attended a spiritualistic seance recently, the leader of which was a rough Scotchman. All being comfortably seated and it being ascertained that a spirit was present, the leader asked, " In how mony munnits will the speerit communicate ?" Five deliberate taps were given on the table. Our friend admits to have experienced a "creeping" sensation and Avas not a little relieved when the five minutes elapsed, and the attendant spirit didn't become communicative. The circle sat immovable for a little longer, when our friend yawningly ventured to inquire the cause of the delay. The boss spiritualist pondered a second or two and replied, "Aye mon, cam) a ye unnerstan' it? There's as mony domned le-ers in the ither worrld as there are in this." — We often hear people talking about the Observer, and find it quite amusing to hear a lot of different opinions concerning ourselves when we are not suspected to be about. For instance, there was that little ancientlooking man in the brown felt hat and shabby grey coat, who was standing in front of Chapman's window on Friday last. He never thought to hear his opinion of us repeated, but here it is just as he told the old woman : " See, missis, there's that Obsa(ah !)rver ; it'snothink but full of low blaguardism from beginnin' to md. Oi wouldn't give that (snapping his fingers) for fifty of them ! Never read one, and never will." The applause that didn't follow this truly enlightened speech was really something tremendous. — To the Editor: Sir, — A paragraph in a recent issue of the Observer says that the St. Andrew's Choir Concert was a great success ; Ido not quite a^ree with this verdict. Th c only item encored in the first part was a common music hall song — " That's where you make a mistake." It is as old as it is vulgar, and was on this occasion indifferently sung, but it "fetched" the sober Presbyterians immensely. In response to a rapturous recall the audience were gratified with "Perhaps she's on the Railway," which song, ten years ago, was in the mouth of every London Arab, but has been long consigned to merited oblivion. Allow me to quote the refrain, which is supposed to express the speculations of the singer as to the •whereabouts of his better half : — " Perhaps she's on the railway with a, swell so fair, Perhaps she's up in a balloon, sailing through the air, Perkape she's dead, perhaps alive, perhaps she's on the spree. Pei'haps she's gone to Brighain Young a Morcnonite to be." After this you will not be surprised to learn that in the second half of the programme that high-class and pre-eminently intellectual ditty, "Shabby Genteel," given by another gentleman (presumably a member of the choir), was equally warmly received and encored, but, owing to a cold, the singer was unable to further satisfy the mental craving of the kirk folk. Surely, Sir, this calls for protest. It is, I think, the grossest bad taste to sing low-class music hall ditties at a Church concert. But what can be said of an audience which receives them with approbation ? While writing of this entertainment I may note that the Star reporter complimented Mr Oliphant on his Scotch accent in reading a piece from Sir Walter Scott's " Lady of the Lake," whereas the reading given was " Tarn o' Shanter. " — I am, etc., Nemo.