WIT & HUMOUR.

Timaru Herald, Volume CVI, Issue 16311, 13 August 1917, Page 9

WIT & HUMOUR.

WORTH THE RISK

For three sucoesive nights the new and proud father had walked the floor with the baby. On the fourth night lie became desperate, and oil arriving heme from the office unwrapt a bottle of soothing syrup. "Oh. Jaines," exclaimed his_ wife.when she saw the label, "what did you buy that for? Don't you know it is very dangerous to give a child anything like that?" "Don't worry," was the husbands tired replv; "I'm going to take it myself!" PARDONABLE CURIOSITY. Rector (after exposition of Sundayschool lesson to infant class) —"Now, would any little boy or girl like to ask mo a question?" A Terrible Infant —"Have you got on trousers under that nightgown?" ANALOGY. The family of little Frances M. had recently acquired an .automobile. In tho manner of beginners, Mrs M. had stalled tho motor several times on trial trips—and Frances knew about it. One day the cat, by Frances's side on tho window seat, was purring contentedly and audibly The purring stopped, and Frances jumped up in alarm. "Mother," she said, "Elizabeth, the cat, has stalled her motor!"

FAMILY TRAIT. At tli© annual prize-day of a certain school, tlic head boy rose to give his recitation. •' 'Friends.' Romans, countrymen,' " he vociferated, '' 'lend me your ears'.' " ' There," commented the mother of a defeated pupil, snecringly, "that's Mrs Biggs's boy! He wouldn't he his mother's son if he didn't want to borrow something." WOULDN'T .WORE TWICE. In a Canadian ■camp somewhere in England a second George Washington has been 'found. He, in company with several others, had been granted four days' leave, and, as usual, wired for extension. But no hackneyed excuse was his. In fact, it was so original that it has been framed and now hangs in a prominent spot in the battalion orderly-room. Tt ran as follows:

"Nobody dead, nobody ill; still going strong, having a good time, ana got pknty of money. Please grant extension." And ho got it! DIDN'T THINK QUICKLY ENOUGH Ueforc introducing lieutenant do Tessan, aido to General Joffre, and Colonel Fabry, the ''Blue Devil of France," Mr Spencer, of the St. Louis entertainment committee, at an American function told this anecdote. "In Washington, Lieutenant de Tessan was approached by a pretty American girl, who said: •' "And did you kill a German soldier?' " 'Yes,' lie replied. " 'With what, hand did you do it?' she inquired. " 'With this right hand,' lie said. "And then the pretty American girl seized his right hand and kissed it. Colonel Fabry stood near by. Ho strolled over and said to Lieutenant de Tessan: " 'Heavens, man, why didn't yoti tcli her that you bit him to death.' ''