A MAN OF THE RIGHT STAMP.

Taranaki Herald, Volume XLIV, Issue 10198, 2 January 1895, Page 4

A MAN OF THE RIGHT STAMP.

A rniCF one entered a post-ofUco asking for some smill change, but an Irishman caught the thief's hand in his pocket and promptly knocked him down, and begin to ti ample on his carcase, as if lie were dancing a Fardowner's jig. What's that for, said a bystander. O, said Pat, it's smill change tho fel low wanted, and. faith, I"m after giving him a few post-office stamps instead. NOT SUCH A FOOL. j Duiiixc. the skating season ;it Burnley , last winter a witty youth called 'Silly Will ' was standing on the bauk, when two ladies, afraid lest the ice would not bear their weight, came up, and the following dialogue ensued : Hey, Will, said one lady, just go on the ice and see if it will carry. Nay, nay, replied Will ; I may be daft, but I'm not ill-bred. Ladies first, gentlemen after. ADVANCING BACKWARD. Come here, you truant, and tell me why you come to school so late this morning, baid an Irish schoolmaster to n. nigged and shoeless urchin, whose ' young idea ' he had undertaken fora penny a week to teach how to shoot. Please, your honour, replied tho readywitted scholar, the frost made the "way so slippery that for every step forward I j took two steps backward. i Don't you see, was tbe rejoinder of the pedagogue, that at that rate you would J never have reached school at all ? Just what I thought to myself, your honour, replied the boy, and so I turned to go home, and after a time I found myself at school. HIS WHISTLE. BnowN, junior, was making an evening call, when his adored one's little brother approached him, and begged the loan of his whistle. Whistle ? queried Mr Brown. I have no whistle. Well, papa says you have, Baid the little wingless angel, and that you are always wetting it. TRUE. Irish policeman (who had never seen a Highlander before) : " Stop, ye scalpeen! where"s your trousers ?" Sandy M'Tavish : " Trousers, mon ! I ha'e nane." Policeman : " Well, divil a step ye take till ye go and get a pair. Din ye thing ye re at home in Africa, ye heathen baboon ?" , HER SPOTTED DEAR. Two young ladies were examining the animals at the Zoo last Sunday. '■ Oh, what a beautiful spotted deer !" The other woman bowed her head and wept. " Why, what is the matter with you. now ?" " You don't know how it hurts my feelings to have you talk about spotted deer. I once had a spotted deer.'' ; " You had ?" i '' Yes. My dear was a tramcar conconduefcor, and we were going to get married : but the company spotted him | and my dear had to take a holiday. An<? ever since it makes me cry whenever I I hear anyone mention those words." PATEIOTISM. An Irishman in America seeing no chance of getting to Ireland to spend St. Patrick's Day, resolved to honour the saint by drinking " Ohish whiskey.' Having got tight, and filled with a love of his native land, he kept bawling out — '• Three cheers for Oireland. ' A Yankee, who stood near, shoutee out — '• Three cheers for h—l!''h — I !'' To which the son of Erin coolly re plied — '"Good on ycz ! every one for his owi country !'