YANKEE YARNS.

Taranaki Herald, Volume XXXIX, Issue 8934, 17 November 1890, Page 4

YANKEE YARNS.

* HE WANTED TO BE 'AN ■ EDITOR.

" Have you had apy previews experience ?" asked the editor of a prominent newspaper of a verdant looking youth, who applied for » situation on the staff. "Haven't I though?" he replied, as he Bhoved one foot under his chair to hide the unskilful patching of a backwood cobbler. "I should say I'd had some experience; haven't I corresponded with the Pumpkinville Screamer for six weeks J Hain't that enough experience ?" " That will do pretty well, but when we put young men on our editorial staff, we generally put them through an examination. How much is twelve times one ?" " Twelve I Why, any little boy .ought to an " " Hold on a minute please. Pout be too fast." ■ " How many bones are there in ttote human body ?" " Well, sir, I forget just now ; but I flirt know wunst." "What! Don't you know that ?' "Why, there arc 74.368,926,648,445 bones in an ordinary man." " Indeed ?" " Yes. A man that snores ua9 one more Lone than other people." "What bone is that?" " Tho trombone. It is situated somewhere in th« nose. You will not forget that, will you ?" - He promised he wouldn't. " Have you got a good constitution ?" " Pretty good." " How long do you suppose yon could live on raw corn and faith, and do the work of a domesticated elephant?" '■ I don't believe I could live more than a week." " Well, that's about as long as you'd want to live if you got an editorial position on this paper. You appear to be pretty well posted, we shall ask you one more question, and it you prove equal to it, you can take off your coat and sail in." " Let me have .'er, squire. I didn't correspond with tho Pumpkinville Screamer 6ix weeks for nuthin'. Let her come ! . I'm on deck, .■ am." " Weil, sir, >'f *wo diametrical circles, with octagonal peripheries, should collide with a centrifugal idiosyncrasy, or, to put it plainer, we say t disenfranchised nonentity — what effect would it have on a crystallised codfish, suspended by the tail from the Homogeneous rafters of the empyrean ?" As the full force of this ponderous problem broke in upon his bewildered brain, he slowly dragged his inavfcistically cobbled shoe from under the chair, and started from the room. He then descended tho stairs, went out, and shut the door. The editor resumed his duties, regretting that so promising a youth should have been, weighed m the balance and found to bo wanting.