FUN AND FANCY

Taranaki Daily News, 27 July 1935, Page 7 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY

“An old school friend of yours asked to be remembered to you—a man called Robinson.” “Don’t remember him.” •‘Short chap with whiskers.” “I never went to school with a short chap with whiskers. *. * * Wife: John, dear, there was a poor lady here to-day begging for clothes for her family. z ' „ Husband: Did you give her anything.' Wife: Yes; I gave her that five-year-old suit of yours and that blue dress I bought last week. « * • * Scot (to taxi-driver): I want you to take me hoom. Dinna turn the meter on till we’re started, dinna turn up any side streets, and dinna wander from one side of the street, to the other dodging the b iSd-driver: Yes, sir. Would you like me to go in reverse and save turning round? » * .. « * * Bloggs came home and found the place filled with new hats and frocks. ‘“And who told you to buy all those? he demanded of his wife. “Why, you did! I asked whether I could get them and you said ‘Buy and buy!’ ” * * ' • “I was a fool when I married you,” he said, bitterly. “Yes, but I was in love with you and didn’t notice it.” • * • • “I can’t lend you £l—l've only got 17s 6d.” . - “Give me that; I’ll trust you for the rest." # ■ * A missionary in India was having an earnest talk with a Hindu whom he hoped to convert to Christianity. . “Come now,” said the missionary, “wouldn’t you like to go to Heaven when you die?” . ... The Hindu shook his head m polite regret. “I do not think,” he said, “that Heaven can be very gqod, or *he, British would have grabbed it years ago.” « * * * The orderly-corporal poked his head into the tent. “Any men going sick? he called. Private Mac Shea rose slowly to his feet, , “What’s the matter with you?” snapped the corporal. “Asthma,” replied the sick man. The corporal jjiared. “I am asking 1 you,” he roared.

The charlady was invited by her employer to view the new wallpaper and iriezc “What do you think of the frieze?” asked the employer. , "Oh, I think it’s lovely,” replied tile woman. “I’ll have mine frozen like that.” * * * * “Did anyone ever tell you how wonderful you are?” “Don’t believe they ever did.” "Then where’d you get th? idea?”