FUN AND FANCY

Taranaki Daily News, 20 July 1935, Page 7 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY

Doctor: Troubled with your -throat, eh? Ever gargled salt and water? Patient: Yes, I was nearly drowned while swimming in the sea last summer. Wife: Happy birthday, darling. I’ve a surprise for , you. Husband: What is it? Wife: Wait a minute and I’ll put it on. . * Tailor: When your father sent you for patterns, didn’t he say the colour and kind of material he wanted? Tommy: I don’t think it matters, sir. He wants them for pen-wipers. # * Old lady (reading newspaper): Well, there, now! I never knew, firemen were so childish. Why, it says here that after the fire had been got under control the firemen played on the ruins for hours. # . A Cockney woman was addressing her small son,-who looked rather guilty, “Wotcher bin a doin’ of?” she demanded suspiciously. “Nufiin’,” replied the small boy. “Wot are yer doing, then?” she persisted. “Nufiin’.” „ “Watcher goin’ ter do, then, she persisted. “Nufiin’.” “Well, then,” she exclaimed, giving him a sound cuff on the ear, “take that, you lazy little brat.” «. * # * A NUISANCE. A man we know has a son who has just started school. He was supposed to be enjoying it, but one morning he walked into the dining-room, where his father was having breakfast, and. remarked:— “I’m tired of going to school, dad. “Why?” asked the father. “What is your objection to going to school?” “Oh,” answered the boy, “it breaks up the day so.” « # * * A LONG WAIT. The grocer's boy presented his master’s bill at the house of the spring poet. “Boss says I’m not to go back until you give me the money you owe him,” said the boy. The debtor tore the bill into a number of small pieces. “All right,” he replied. “I wonder If he’ll recognise you with a beard.” # * * * SHAME! Teacher: I have just retired after teaching the same class for forty years. Friend: My goodness, your scholars must have been very backward. # # >X : * SHOCKING. “You never told me, dear,” said Mrs. Jones, “what was your real reason for giving up drinking.” “Well,” said the husband, after some hesitation, “it was like this. The last time I came home tight your mother was here. I saw two of her, and the shock cured me.” , * ** DIDN'T MIND. “You surely don’t approve, of your husband joining this secret so'ciety?’’ “Oh, I don’t know—he talks very plainly in his sleep.” * # * .. * THINK OF OTHERS. ‘ Rittleby: I’m going to start'having my poems published—but I shall work under the name of “Tom Smith.” Riggleson; That would-be hardly fair. Why? Well, just think of all the poor chaps vzho’ll be under, suspicion, # # * * PROOF. Customer: You're sure one bottle will cure a cold? Assistant: It must, sir—nobody’s ever come back for a second.