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Taranaki Daily News, 18 February 1933, Page 7 (Supplement)

“I’m very, very sorry to hear of your trouble, Mrs. Widow- Fancy your husband committing suicide! Why, I thought that was the last thing he’d do.” “It was.” « # ® ® School Master: Tell me a’ few of the most important things existing to-day which did not exist a hundred years ago. Pupil: Us. .** * . * Teacher (in geography lesson): Now, can anybody tell me where we find mangoes? Knowing Little Boy: Yes, miss, where woman goes. *.* * * “The next man who speaks in this Courtroom will be put out,” cried the Judge. “Hurrah!” shouted the prisoner, » « * ® “Well, George,” said a country clergyman to an old man, who sat by the wayside breaking stones, “that pile doesn’t ?eem to get any less.” “No, vicar,” replied the old man, them stones is like the Ten Commandments; yer can go on breakin’ ’em. but yer can’t get rid of ’em.” ... * * • ■ • “What is your lodger?” . “An inventor.” “What does he invent?" “Excuses for not paying his rent.” # ,* • “Healthy-looking office boy you’ve got.” “Yes; he’s a good lad. Doesn’t smoke, whistle, gamble, or want to go to football matches.” “You’re lucky." “Oh, he’s got one fault. He wont work.” • * * • . Humm: At times my wife seems to be trying to be an angel. . Drumm: When she wants something from you? Humm: No; when she drives the car. # # * # The motorist was bogged dh a quiet country road, and seemed to be in a hopeless'position when an old chap ap-' peared with a draught horse. , “Can I pull you out?” he asked. The motorist was only too pleased to avail himself of his services, and gave the old chap ten shillings. “Do many get bogged here?” he asked. »“You are the ninth to-day.” the old chap replied. “Then you must be kept busy pulling them out,” the motorist remarked. “Yes, I am,” the old chap told him. “I’m that busy that I have to, wait until night-time to water the bog.” # # # * The Binks were visiting friends when young Tommy asked the hostess, “Where is the big room Mum said you had?” “Which big room?” she asked puzzled. “Well, she said that your home had big room for improvement.” « « * • First Parent: My son’s* letters from school always send me to the dictionary. Parent: You’re lucky. My son’s letters always send me to the bank. .«. * * * Dagg: Have any luck in hunting lions in Africa? Gagg: Yes; I didn’t meet one. «, * * * “Here’s a tip • for you, lad,” said the Scottish member as he entered the clubhouse after a round of golf, “Thank you, sir,” said the caddie, expectantly. . “Go home at once. Yon big cloud means rain.” , a * * * The dear old lady was answering a letter in which her nephew in the country had expressed his intention of growing cotton. ;, “Take my advice, dear, she wrote, “and don’t grow black cotton—there's not much demand for it. There’s more sale for white—number 40 or 60 is used the most.”