CHRISTMAS SMILES.

Taranaki Daily News, 20 December 1924, Page 4 (Supplement)

CHRISTMAS SMILES.

KNOWLEDGE. The principal of a college was inter* veiwing a young man who wished to be* com e a student. “Well, what do you know?” asked th< principal. “Nothing,” replied the youtlf frankly. “Then your prospects are splendid, mj friend, for you are three years in advance of the other students here. It takes them three years to learn what you know t< begin with.” ALLOWING FOR LOST TIME. Mother was very busy, so she left little Joan in the kitchen with instructions to boil some eggs for three minutes. Later on it was found that the eggs had been boiled very hard. “Joan,” said mother, “are you sure you only boiled those eggs for three minutes?” “Quite sure, mother,” answered Joan. “Of course, it was eight minutes by the kitchen clock, but you know that is five minutes slow.” WHAT ARE WE? What is the difference between a lady and a postage stamp? One is a female and the other is 4 mail fee. SCHOOL HOWLERS. The following humorous mistakes art said to have been made in examination papers by school children. Horse-power is the distance one horst can carry one pound of water in'one hour. An angle is a triangle with two sides. A ruminating animal is one that chews its cubs. Tennyson wrote “In Memorandum.” A vacuum is a large, empty space where the Pope lives. Algebracial symbols are used when we don't know what we are talking about. Jerusalem was surrounded by walls so as to keep in the milk and honey. OVERHEARD. Mr. Woodpecker: My dear, I hope yon have a good dinner ready. I feel most exceptionally peckish to-day. Why is a poor friend better than a rich one? Because a friend in need has a friend indeed. SAMBO AND THE CHICKENS. “I am sorry to see you here again, Sambo,” sternly remarked a Judge to an old negro in the United States. “Only six weeks ago I sent you to prison for attempting to steal chickens ..and here you are, charged again with a similar offence.” “Yas, sah,” replied the old Dusky, “bub de law says a man can’t be charged twice with the same offence.” “Quite right, Sambo! but what has that to do with your case?” “Well, sah,” innocently said the old darky, “you can’t charge me; dey was the same chickens I was after.” TRUTH SPOKEN IN JEST. “The rich,” said a Dutchman on a visit to England, “eat venison because it is deer, and I eat mutton because it is sheep.” A CHANGE OF CLIMATE. A young fop who always imagined he had some illness or other bored a friend with his latest tale of woe. “You know, old chap,” he said at last, what I really want is a change of cli* mate.” “Oh, you’ll get that sure enough!” replied his unsympathetic friend. “I see the barometer is going down rapidly.” Headmaster (to caretaker) : I see the notice ‘Only to be used in case of fire’ has been removed from the corridor. Caretaker: Yes, sir; I have just found it. Some of the boys had nailed it on the coal bin.