Guffey's Cat.

Te Aroha News, Volume III, Issue 134, 26 December 1885, Page 5

Guffey's Cat.

jGruffey arbve lip", iii -aw ofttcoi buggy;^-^B||pip; solemnly • lifted '" oiit M^^n^^^^p^ weighed ' Bag ' securely liiied 1 ' ritVto|M^|M§|||; ." W hat you fgot there, - prsesßpr -Wm^Ss r^M a friend. M A pat fiend,^ replied & feseor'; gravely. ', "A cat 'fisL?^¥(^a|edfefa, the crowd. « NoV%entlemen^' I\saife^tjfsi| fiend," explained Gaffey.; ,* '^H#|SSßgss four 'cobblestones and I*?^sss^^, shWml^e my; life a r burden to me )for' thrJeTVv': ipears. She steals 1 ever/thing in 'jjfie hdbfce;/ 77 £/ all day, and yells like a. pirate, walkin'&tfi'e^ 4 plank on the,back_ stied' all- nighb/^ I-ye^ v ; ,; made one attempt after another to'assa^^^rsinate that beast, but Il.ha^e f aijted^ eyery*^ , v time." "You know that c'atS Mp jnuio,., :/ lives, , professor ?" " Nine 1 ,-, ; ; times have I given that creature^polsonea? .. | meat. I threw her off the roof twice^anaj , •? I % ve shot at her four times— just tilled' feer/ plum full of quail shot and thej ne^ct^day;' \ i she*s round on railway time, drinking the- * \ milk as soon as it is left by the, milkma'nl I^ast'Week I borrowed a hundred , dollar^ j bull" terrier to eat her up, and ,she killed, him in eleven seconds. Why; I blew her clean into the next street with' a dynamite cartridge yesterday, and I'hope 1 to die if she wasn't on deck reaching for the canary this morning without a' hair sioged." * • Going to fix het this time, eh ? " "You bet I am," said Professor Guffey, emphatically. "I am going to throw Her off into forty feet of water, and if that don't finish her, I give it up." "Come, take a drink first, Guffey," said his friend Boggs, and the crowd followed into a saloon at the corner. While the beer was being drawn, Boggs slipped quietly back and untied the bag. As soon as the indestructible had skipped up the street, Boggs retied the bag and hurried back into the saloon. Pretty soon the crowd emerged |in(i helped Guffey to carry his heavy load to tneextreme end of the wharf, from which it was solemnly dumped. "I hate to kill even a cat, " said the old professor ; ' ' but the fact is, I haven't had a square night's sleep in two years." The next day Boggs was coming off the ferry boat, when he beheld the professor coming on, a-top of a four-horse load of furniture. " Why, you're not moving are you, Guffey ?" The professor moodily descended from his perch, and drawing Bogg9 aside, whispered huskily in his ear, "Yes, I am, Boggs, I'm moving over to Alameda. That infernal cat's come back !" —Golden Argosy.