CLOSED CAR INFLUENCE

Sun (Auckland), Volume 1, Issue 88, 5 July 1927, Page 12

CLOSED CAR INFLUENCE

I sort of knew him; then, again, I thought it was his brother; This preening mass of elegance who stopped me in the rain. He said: “What-ho, old fish. Trays, beans? Look hard. Yes, have another. “You know me now?” I said: It must — it can’t be —Blood McKain.

You should have known that raucous streak of fighting, swilling sergeant, Who always seemed two shaves behind and wore festoons of mud; Who never felt he’d drink enough till free of all his “argent”; Whose matted mass of fire-red hair earnt him his title: “Blood.”

He only had two arguments: “I’ll fight ya,” and I’ll betcha”: But oh! he was a fighting man if ever one was made. He tried to fight an “Emma Gee”; departed, on a stretcher. And left us there to win the war without his help or aid.

And now—this had me staggered, had me flummoxed, had me flustered; I needed some reviving; I suggested: “Have a beer.” “If you don’t mind,” he simpered, “I would much prefer some custard, “It’s smooth and silent. And I can’t neglect my atmosphere.”

I learnt the truth; the quaint, amazing answer to this puzzle— The motor trade had claimed him as a salesman of sedans. He told me, o’er soda I persuaded him to guzzle. That “atmosphere’s the utter goods, the ace of all

“Sedans require a certain harmony of thought and action, “To dress the part and live it is essential as can be. “Regard this noble vehicle, the height of motor traction, “To see its counterpart, he smiled “Just take a glance at me.” “Balloon-tyred soles and higher heels now give me greater clearance; “I’ve narrow stanchions on my windshields, one-piece, set well back; .“This French-grey suit with stripes of mauve to match the car’s appearance; My hair, of course, clashed with the hood. I had to dye it black. “This streamline’s caused by steel supports that make my body rigid; “My watch must match the chastelypatterned, panelled dash-board set; “My shoes, of course, must never squeak; my bearing must be frigid; “Thus, demonstrating large sedans I spread my selling net. “Mechanically, I study, too. I know the works of Bendix. “And mould my engine on the car; it pays as I have proved; “When lubrication changed, I soon dispensed with my appendix; “To match a larger manifold, my tonsils were removed. "‘But all my joy is shattered, now, my thought and care are wasted; “My manager just broke the news. Of all the putrid luck — “I must desert the sweetest atmosphere I've ever tasted; ‘Next week I start to sell a blank, dash, blank, dash two-ton truck.” -—FAN: BELLTE.