Shaun’s Patch

Southland Times, Issue 21265, 11 December 1930, Page 6

Shaun’s Patch

A little nonsenie »»< Ctten ItnltaM'br —Hadlbns-

Experts have announced the weight of the world as 4,643,000.000,000,000 tons, but they do not say whether that'is with ■ clothes on or off. . * Another set of figure fiends say that there is one motor to every 71 persons in the world, and when you watch some loading up it looks as if the whole lot .were trying to ride on their car at once. Shorthand writers declare that in the last 20 years American speech has increased by ten words a minute. Y es, but they don’t say any more. * ♦ . * * We’ve had rain this year, but next, being election year, will be windy. *** . . * Well, the farmer may be conscious that the demand for his products has fallen off, but the demand for payments seems to be just as vigorous as ever. * How I’d like To make unlawful . The girl who says: “O aint it awful!” »*. * * One bright lad at the Waihopai School knows his politics. When asked: What do they do in New Zealand to help the poor?” answered “We tax them’ all.” ♦ ♦ • s * EDUCATIONAL AIDS. Give a sentence containing the word “infectious”: “She dresses well; infectious really stylish.” * Some men are appointed to pass the collection plate in church, but quite a number pass it without that formality. * * * * "Watson, that man was ambidexterous.” “Now, Holmes how’ can you say that of the dead man?” “Elementary, my dear Watson, el-ee-men-tary. The nails on the right hand„ arc trimmed as badly as those on the left.” * * * * Figures of speech: Ventriloquists’ dolls. THE ABSENT-MINDED POET. I started to write a sonnet or ode No matter which, they’re the same When I am writing my darling to you; Excuse me, I’ve mislaid the name. What matter again? The verse is the thing. And, dearest, you’ll find that it tells The love-smitten story I once told to you Or perhaps ’twas to somebody else. .» *’■ * ■ *. Not every taxi that takes'a man to Wallacetown is driving him to drink. ♦ * * ♦ THE INNOCENTS. She thought a stationery business never moved. "<>■ * * * * I want to meet the man who speaks Esperanto like a native. * * * * Those men who oppose billboards in the country are probably bill bored. «.♦ ♦ ♦ INTRUSION. The night was filled with magic silver, Her eyes shone two liquid pools, And everywhere the little daisies • Stood apart like fairy stools. The moon entangled in the branches Of the birch was gold and round, And he was sure that earthly Heaven Here at last was surely found. They watched the stars float on the river In peace with nothing to rebuke Their quietness until some flapper Nearby sang jazz’ unto her uke.