The Contributor

Southern Cross, Volume 23, Issue 13, 3 July 1915, Page 5

The Contributor

DEAR MR EDITOR The war is shtill the talk av the * bay, an' our young: min are shtill in demand to be trained for the front. "Yes," ses Corney, ''an' mahtead av feein'' encouraged an' made much av some paple insult thim, like the man in Melbourne who said they were rotters, an' that the Germans 'ud be along in six months or so. "I was glad," ses Corney, "to see that the magistrate towld Mm he wasn't fit to lace the shoes av the min who had offered their services." * .. T"He deserved all he got, ses Katie, "an' by way av hilpin* us to forgit him an' his treasonable talk, lishten to the i'ollowin' lines from an Irish paper : Lines Honour of One Who Bid His Bit, and Bied .While Doing It. When Briton called upon her sons. he sprang to do his part ; He left his stock and standing crop with a brave and cheery heart. A little sad at leaving friends, but little thought at all That he would never see again his home in Donegal. He was one of Briton's first brave lads that stemmed the rushing tide Of Kaiser Wilheim's army in its freshness and its pride. He endured that hell of shot, discomfort and uurest, And proved that men from Donegal are still amongst the best. He did not proclaim his loyalty by bluster, bluff, or'brag, Nor loud declare what he would do for Empire, King, or Flag ; But he did his duty quietly—nay, more —he gave his all, Which proves that heroes still exist in dear old Donegal. !!•'•; ' Remember, friends, he loved his life, and the place where he was born,The sunshine gleam, the rippling stream, and his field of waving corn. He prized them at their proper worth, but honour most of all— Oh, for ten thousand- more like him from dear old Donegal. Wake up ! Wake up ! you shirkers, and for the past atone, Remember he, like all the rest, was but a stepping-stone To avenge the wrongs of Belgium, and save the plains of Gaul. The death will not have been in vain of the man from .Donegal. * * # "That's got the right ring about it," ses Bedalia. "It has," ses I, "yej can't mishundershtand it—Hke the Germans did the Swiss. They wore the uniform jav a certain Swiss regimint in a garrison at Basle, an' wint to a cafe for. refreshmints. Wan av thim sat down alone at a table. Later a civilian, a German, ioined

I Desiis Discourses. |

him, an' the two began to talk war politics. "Would you shoot on the Germans if they invaded Switzerland '?" axed the German. "Oh, no, never !" exclaimed the Swiss. "Waiter, a pint of beer and a beefsteak with potatoes for this brave man," ordered the civilian.,. "And your pals sitting at the next table —would they also not shoot the Germans if they tried to invade this country '?" "Oh, no, .never !*' "Waiter, a glass' of beer for each of the soldiers at the next table !" ordered the civilian. An' addressin' a gam the soldier, he axed.: "Is this, generally the view of the Swiss army in regard to the'possible German invasion ? Are all the Swiss- soldiers so Germanophile ?" "I don't know," ses the soldier. "Hut why would you not shoot the Germans '?" - "Because we belong to Die band."

"Talkin'jav the young .man in Melbourne," ses Carney, "ye don't need to go out a.v \.Z. to find, paple who're not doin' their share in hilpin' the Empire. Some paple do as much as they can by sindin' their sons to the front, an' givin' as much money as they can,'but others shuffle out av their responsibilities in the meanest way possible, like the man in the north who locked himsilf in his bathroom in case he'd he timpted to give a thrifle to wan av the patriotic funds."

"I don't like that kind av man," ses Katie. "Neither do I," ses Bedalia. "Sure, he reminds me av what the '.Rev Mr Ready said the other night whin he was givin' reasons why some min are unpopular, '['he preacher said some min were unpopular because they stud on their dignity, an' weren't approachable. ■' They're as hard to get at aSjfan oyster,' sea Mr, 'Heady, ' and when', you do get at them they're not nearly so palatable.' "

"That's wan kind av meanness," ses T, "but there's another variety that is nearly- as bad, the, kind that is always afther publicity, an' afraid that the newspapers won't let its right, hand know what its left hand neighbour is doin'. I IcnoW' wan ould . patriot who's worth thousands, an' for days, afther he gives-a .donation he searches the papers an' can't shleep at nights till he sees that he's got credit for it." "Well," ses Corney, "ye shud have heard me frind Wattie Taylor, the auctioneer, on the subject. He was at the farewell social to Mr King at Winton, an' put up a . cigar for sale. The idea caught on, an' in a very short time it brought £54, an' Wattie .sat down flushed but triumphant. Thin somewan called out — "Will Winton get the credit, for raising this money, or who ?" Wattie jumped up like a shot, an' ses he — "Winton, of course ! 'But what does it matter who gets the credit so long

as the Belgians get the money ?" "That's the way I like to hear a man or a dishtrict talk," ses Katie. * "Yes," ses I, "I've no time fori thef poor, timid craythurs that are always thinkin' whether they'll git value for iviry penny they shpin.d. They're like the ould chap in America. ' " Were you able to sell old Skinflint a grave ?" axed the "Superintendent av the cemetery. The agent shook his head. "He was afraid he'd,not get the full value of it," he explained. "But hang it all, a man has got to die sometime !" "That's what I told him, but he only answered, ' Suppose I should be lost at sea ?' "

I see they've been unveilin' a grate raonumint to the late Hon. 11. J. Seddon, at Wellington. Now, there was a man if ivir there was wan. He shud have been alive now. He'd have had iviry M.P.—Governmint an' Opposition—stumpin' the Domlinion an' deliverin' hot an' shtrong recruit in' speeches. , "He was a great man, all right," ses Katie. 1 "He was all that," ses I, "an',l,nivir saw him nonplussed excipt wance, an' that was whin the Seaward Bushy line was opened to Waimahaka. 'Twas a great occasion entirely, an' inshtead av the Kiblical fatted calf, we had roasht bullock till further orders. There was a lot av political big? guns there, an' Mr Seddon shtarted ah' wid a line address in the open air, close to the ind av the thrain waitin' to shtart for Invercargill. Prisintly a series av whistles, long an' shrill,', rent the air, an' Mr Seddon lukt round wid a glare that "tid have shtruck terror into an Egyptian mummy. Excited officials rushed up an' down an' waved their arms an' yelled their - loudest, an' prisintlv peace prevailed, an' Richard finished his oration. . That's thermosht sti*ilcin' mimory I've retained av New Zealand's good ould ''Digger J)i • ***

"He was a fine homely man," ses Katie, "an' jusht as' happy whin y a min' to his ould mates as whin hobnobbin' wid crowned heads." "Thrue for ye, Katie," ses I. "He wasn't like the gyrul in America. Will Beattie, the dean av • Kansas commercial thravellers, wance attended a gatherin" among the 400 av Wichita. He found himsilf wid a dashin' young society woman from the East, whose idea av social standin' was measured by wealth. She was quite taken wid Beattie, an' finally she made bold to ax : 'What business are you in '?' 'l'm a commercial traveller,' ses he. The young woman shtepped back an shmiled. 'ln Holyoke, Massachusetts, Mr Beattie, commercial travellers don't go in, the best of society." 'Neither do they here,' t ses, Beattie."

1 see Cr. Martin has taken in hand the fix in' ; up av a carter's shtand in Tnvercargill. I don't know av a man betther able for the job, but he might be grateful for a. hint from yer humble servant. In the firsht place he musht make it central, to lie av anny use ; but my suggestion is to make four cart shtands in the mosht convenient places, wid no more than five or six vehicles to shtand on wan rank at a time. I think if that cud be arranged it 'ud be a good thing ; but I'd go a bit further an' use the license fees to provide shelters for the min who are out in all weathers playin' a waitm' game. At any rate I hope they'll be, able to fix the matter up in a satisfactory way, the same as Ben Eastlake did the horse.

Ye see, Ben wanted to get over to Otatara wid a secondhand horse, or at least a horse that he was goin' to spell out, an' he wanted to save the long journey round the road. He applied to the prison depart™ int to be allowed to take his horse over the bridge, but -the officer in charge, who probably thought it was another a.v Mr Raymond's dodges to catch him,, said he didn't care a continental whether he tuk the horse . across the bridge or swam it up the New River. It was rather a risky business, for the plankin' is only three feet wide, an' it was the firsht horse (except Alex Guise's iron wan an' a rockin'-horse that was taken over to amuse the bhoys at the flaxmill) to cross the bridge. .„

But Ben was a man av resource, for he walked in front howldin out an imaginary bunch av carrots. The ould moke did the job in fine shtyle, an' is now wanderin' round Otatara. I expect to hear from him shortly-, for he's nearly sure to sind me a photo av Mr Hannah's bungalow, or a bunch av daffodils aff Dr. Pot-

tinger's farm. In anny case I musht get over to Otatara wan av these days, for I'm towld developments aregoin' on apace.

"Well done, Mr Eastlake," ses Katie, "sure, tie's as elivir as ould Pat Mulligan that worked for years an' years at Cleave's nursery. W T an daywhin things were slack . the boss told Pat that he needn't come back nixt day. 'Well,' ses Pat, 'if ye don't know whin ye've |got a good man I know whi n . I'v got a good boss,' an' so he turned up nixt day, an' was; kppt on for a long time." * "Ye're quite right, about Mr Mulligan," ses I, "an' I'll niv-ir forgit thejoke he had wid a travellin' company that came here wid a calculatin' man. Wan day he came outside the hall, an' was axin' the papleright an' left to thry an' puzzle him. He answered problem afther probjlem,'an' at lasht ivirybody seemed willin* to admit his championship. Thin Pat chipped-in. Ses he, "Ye're - great at sums, but can ye till mehow two will go into wan ?" "No, I can't," ses the lightnin' calculator, "I'll leave that to you, but it can't b'e done." "Yes, it can," ses Pat, "for whin I left Grasmereto come to work; this mornin' I had two holes in the heel av my stockin', an' whin I got to the .nursery they had worked into wan." 'Twas the great lafY wint up thin, an' all the honours were wid Mr Mulliganit made him cheerful for itheresht av the evenin'. "Talkin' av cheerfulness," ses Bedalia, "I think we ought to follow the example av South Australia an' shtart a cheerup society." "We need it," ses Katie, "for we're not all so resourceful as the woman at Home. "Do you feel lonely, Mrs Tinley, now your three lads have listed ?" "Not so bad," was the reply. "It do •come over me terribly on wash-days, though, when I've none o' their things to do. Indeed, I 'are to borrow some av a neighbour's washin' just just: to keep myself cheerful." DENIS.