AT THE TEA TABLE.

Rangitikei Advocate and Manawatu Argus, Volume XLV, Issue 12010, 11 March 1920, Page 5

AT THE TEA TABLE.

SOME TOPICAL TALKS. “It is to be built of concrete reinforced with steel, will accommodate eighteen hundred people, its steps will carry three thousand more, and it will cost £II,OOO. ” said the Sport. “What are you burbling about?” asked the Critic. “Are you referring to a cottage, v a cathedral, or some great and useful public -building?” “I am merely describing the kind of grandstand for winch the Wavenley Racing OlubJhave just accepted a tender,” replied the Sport. * ‘That is the modern Temple on which men willingly spend thousands,” said the Sage. “The cnlt 7 of the horse is now the most popular, and people who grndge parting with threepenny bits for religion or charity will lavish hundreds on gambling. The grandstand is the temple, and the tote house the shrine, to which pilgrims flock from all points of the compass on specified sacred days, and they worship with fervour and zeal that are never manifested in regard to anything' else. The offerings cf the faithful amount to many hundreds of thousands in a single year The grandstand and the tote are symbols of the tendency of the age.” “It seems to me,” said the Cynic, “that whatever is most popular will necessarily gain the best support, and that those who disapprove of the tendency should try to provide more attractive devices to win the support of the people. ’ ’

“That was a cafistic criticism of Government meddling Lord Davenport gave the other day,’ remarked the Critic, “when he described the effect of the congestion at the Port of London. ”

‘ ‘lt only affords another instance of the effect of State interference with private enterprise,” said the Sage. “If the Government had minded its own .business' that itself might have been done better, and if business men had managed the meat supplies there would have been no congestion, they would have been marketed, and the cash for them would have been paid to the farmers. ”

“It is lamentable to reflect, ” said the Scribe, “that all the time our meat has been glutting the stores and deteriorating, the people in Britain have been paying exorbitant prices, and whole nations on the Continent have been starving. ’ ’ “I think, ” said the Cynic, “that it was the Great Napoleon who declared that a blunder is worse than a crime, and there is no question that the British Government has made many blunders in its efforts to do our trading for us. According to a recent’authority, on the wool transactions alone the Australians have lost over sixty millions of money. ” “It would be strange, indeed, if prohibition in America resulted in the States acquiring more territory, ” remarked the Critic,, “but there seems to be an inclination' in that direction, according to the cable news reporting Mr McAdoa’s suggestion that the States should purchase British possessions on the Atlantic Coast, and the support given to this by prohibitionists, because thirsty Yankees are flocking to the islanca owned by the British, who still leave men free to please themselves as to what they shall eat, - drink or wear. The Yankees have clipped the wings of their bird of freedom, and while trying to prevent their people seeing stars, etc, have given them so many stripes that they are hastening to other countries to slake their thirst and forget their sorrows. ” “Talking of thirst,” said the Scribe, “that was a curious case in Dunedin where a man was fined for sucking beer through a rubber tube from a cask in the hold of a steamer.”

“He had probably,” said the Ovnic, “read the story of how the British sailors on the vessel that bore to England the body of Nelson preserved in rum, managed to extract the® spirit before port was reached. It has reminded me of the fact that in the early days when cases of gin, etc., were carried in waggons from Wellington to Wairarapa over the Rimutaka, the carriers were never short of liquor. The consignees found many bottles broken, and it was discovered that the carriers, when they desired supplies, put a case over a bucket and then drove through it an iron rod which was as effective in its object as that of Moses in the wilderness.” “When are we going to hear the end of tne' new diseases that are afflicting mankind?” asked the Spinster. » “It seems to me that the war is likely to be responsible for the death of many more than were slain in the field. Austria is now suffering from what is said to be a terrible new epidemic called brain influenza. ’ ’ , “Thank heaven there are many .among ns for whom that will have no terrors, ” said the Cynic. “It eannot work without material to act on. Fortunately, or unfortunately, moat of our politicians will be exceptionally immune.” A JAYE PENNE.