WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 30, Issue 22, 19 March 1918, Page 2

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

A DELICATE HINT,

The day was wet. The car was crowded. Even the platform behind was crowded with men hanging on to one another, and these concealed the gate that protected passengers from cars coming on the other line. A lady came to the door of the car, and, as it stopped, started towards the gate, which was hidden from her by the men standing before it. ‘‘Other side, please, lady,” said the conductor.

He was haughtily ignored. The lady took another step towards the gate.

‘‘You must get off the other side,” said the conductor.

“I wish to get off on this side,” came the answer in tones that congealed the official into momentary silence. Before he could explain o* expostulate one of the men on lie platform came to his assistance. ‘‘Stand to one side, gentlemen,*” be remarked quietly. "The lady wishes to climb over the gate." IT TOOK. It was a minstrel performance, and in the interval between tbs songs the usual jokes were being perpetrated. ‘‘What am de diScrcuce between an old maid and a married woman ?” asked Sambo. ‘‘l done give it up,” replied Bones. “Why,” exclaimed Sambo, “de old maid am lookin’ for a husband ebery day, and de married woman am look* in'?for ’im ebery night !” There was a pause, and several elderly gentlemen got up and stole softly into the night. THE PATIENT LOVER. The course of true love was sum* marily deflected from its long-desired end in the case of the patient lover of Williamson, West Virginia. Aleck Chernoff, a rugged mountaineer, entered the Courthouse at Williamson one day recently, and asked for “the feller that fixes up the marriage papers.” He was directed to the pro-, per quarter, and on meeting the official he said

“Here’s a licence I done got in this here Gourt twenty-four years ago, and I don’t seem to have nary''a chance to ever use it, so I reckoned it best to bring it back and get the money I paid you-uns for it. “You see,” he explained, “me and Euphemia alwuz meant to get married, but she was so consumed con-trary-like that she was never ready to have the parson tie the knot when I was. I lowed that I could worry along a while with Euphemia in her tantrums; but after twenty-four years I got tired, and told her that either we-uns would get married or we wouldn’t. Euphemia Towed we wouldn’t, so I calkerlatea we won’t.”

MELTING SYMPATHY

A friend met an actor and noticed that he was wearing a mourning hand on his arm. “It's for my father,” the actor explained. “I’ve just come from his funeral.”

The friend expressed his sympathy. The actor’s grief was obviously very real and great. “I attended to all the funeral arrangements,” he said. "We had everything just as father would have liked it.”

“Were there many there 7” asked the other.

"Many there !” cried the actor with pride. “Why, my boy, we turned ’em away !”

"THE WILL FOR THE DEED.”

In quavering tones the dying man dictated to his lawyer his -last will and testament. . "To each and every clerk who has been in my employ ten years, £1000.”

"But, my dear sir,” gasped the lawyer, "think of your sons and daughters I And your fortune is not colossal !”

"That’s all right!” murmured the sick man.. "People have always said that I was close and hard. I want them to think well of me when I am gone. It will look so well in the papers-, and there isn’t a clerk in my place, by the way, who has been with me ten months !”

HIS CREED. ‘ An Episcopal rector, travelling a country district, met a native, also, by his own profession, an Episcopalian. "Who confirmed you ?” asked the rector. "Nobody. What’s that ?v "But didn’t you tell me you were an Episcopalian ?” "Oh, yes,” said the old man ; "and I’ll tell you how it is. Last spring I went to the city on a visit. While I was there I went to church, and I heard ’em say they had left undone them things they’d ought to have done, and done them things they hadn’t ought to have done, an’ I said to myself, ‘That's just my fix, too.’ I found out that was an Episcopal church, and so I’ve been an Episcopal ewer since.”

AT LAST REVENGE. A physician once had a grave dug for a patient supposed to be (lying, who afterwards recovered, and over this error of; judgment the doctor was joked for many years. Once he attended, in consultation with three confreres, another patient. This patient really died. Alter the, death, as the physicians discussed the case together, one of them said:— “Sinee quick burial is nyessary, we might inter the body temporarily, I understand our brother has a cant grave on hand.” J The doctor smiled. “Yes,” he “I believe 1 am the *uly i*yal«J*»present whose grave? are m&t all SShJ