HOW THEY MADE USE OF IT.

Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 23, Issue 8, 30 January 1912, Page 2

HOW THEY MADE USE OF IT.

He was a cyclist, and - called at a farmhouse for a glass of water ; but the farmer’s pretty daughter offered him a glass of milk instead. “Won’t you have another glass ?” she asked, as he drained the tumbler. “You are very good,” he said ; ‘‘but I am afraid I shall rob you.” ‘‘Oh, no ! We have so much more than we can use ourselves that we always give it to the calves,” Solomon and Moses, while walking by the canal, saw a notice-board which stated that five shillings would be paid to whoever rescued another man I from drowning. It didn’t take them more than a minute to arrange that one should fall in .and he saved by the other, and the stakes divided. In went Sol, and found it rather deeper than he expected. However, he splashed about, crying ; •'“Come on, Moses 1 Save me !” Moses hesitated. “Sol,” he said, - “I’ve been reading that notice board again, and it says, “Ten shillings for a dead body.’ Now, do be reasonable.” Dr. Wood, the popular head master of Harrow School, once told a capital of a boy who missed a battilion drill, which is considered a somewhat serious offence at the famous school. The doctor summoned the lad, an American, to his study, and thus addressed him ; “Do you know, as the honorary colonel of the cadet corps !■ can have you shot, and as the head master I can have you birched? Now, which sentence do you prefer ?’’ The humour of the sutuation overcame the culprit’s nervousness, and with a smile he replied “I prefer to be shot, sir,, because then you’ll be hung.” '“lf I died, my love, would you sometimes come and visit my grave ?” “Certainly I should, dear,, and bring the children with me. They don’t have many amusements !” ' An actor and a retired Army man were discussing the perils of their respective callings. “How would you like to stand here with shells bursting around you ?” the general demanded, "Well,” replied the actor, “it all denends on the ae-e of the es'e.” „