HUMOUR--- More or Less

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LXI, Issue 18587, 22 December 1934, Page 13

HUMOUR --- More or Less

"What’s this?" cried an infuriated husband. "Two new dresses? Good heavens, don't you know' that we are already up to our eyes in debt.?’’ "Yes, dear," replied the wife, smiling sweetly, "but the dressmaker doesn’t." D> * * * The fair motorists was speeding through the sleepy village when a policeman stepped out on the road 1 in front of her and forced her to slop. "What have 1 done?" she asked innocently. "You were travelling at 40 miles an hour," replied the, constable, taking out his notebook.

"Forty miles nn hour!" eelioeil the fair motorist. "Why, I haven’t been out an hour! "

Tho policeman scratched his head with his pencil before replying. "Carry on, then. That’s a new one on me,”

An Englishman and an American travelled in the same compartment on (one of the Liverpool expresses. The former spoke not a word to his companion, who was the only other occupant of the compartment, and it was only when the train was crossing Ilinicorn Bridge that the American said, "Excuse me, sir, but your tie is riding up over the back of your (collar." *

"Well, what if it is?" was the curt reply. "Your coat pocket has been ,on fire this last live minutes, and I haven’t bothered you." 4 * # * A prospective candidate for Parliament was striving for vtiles in an agricultural district. After speaking to a gathering at some length of what he would do if they returned him to "the House," he changed his tactics.

"And another thing, ladies and gentlemen," he said confidingly, "I’m a practical farmer, too. I can plough, reap, milk cows, shoe a horse, and trim a hedge. In fact, it would be difficult to name any one tiling about a fg,rm that I cannot do." "Can you lay an egg?" asked a voice from the back of the hall.

Concise. After a young lawyer had talked nearly an hour to a jury, who felt like lynching him, his opponent; in the case, a veteran of tho bar, arose, smiled sweetly at judge and jurymen, and said: "Your honor, I will follow the example of my young friend, who has just concluded, and submit the case without argument." Just as Good.

"What do you take for insomnia?" "A glass of wine at regular intervals." "Docs that make you sleep?" "No, but it makes me satisfied to stay awake." Doubtful. "Krbert, do ver really love me?" "Yer knows I do." "Then, why don’t yer chest heave up and down like the men in the films?" Economy. She: What are all those men doing in a circle with their heads together? Is it a football team?,

He: No, my dear, just a bunch of Scotchmen lighting a cigarette.

Breaking the news.—Doctor: "Your I wife need not worry about being a little deaf. Just, tell her it is merely ' a sign of advancing years." 1 Husband: "Doctor, would you mind ’ telling her that yourself?" t * * * * "Why are you rushing about like ’ this on a hot day," ; "I’m trying to get something for my husband." A: "Had any offers??’ * * * » Diner (examining menu): Chicken • croquettes, eh? What part, of the> chicken is the croquette? Friend: It is the part that, goes on 1o the table last. A True Briton, A cinema studio. The producer is raging up and down before two Stolid lovers. " ,; Producer: Now, madam, that’s bettor; look into his eyes. Put all the yearning affection into it that you can muster. I want to see a thrill in it, too . . . Madam, that won’t do. Arc you an English wpman.? ..Yes? Well, then, be a true Briton. Imagine 'that the roast beef has just boom brought up for the Sunday dinner,., j and Jhcn look at him again! - •