HUMOUR- More or Less

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LXI, Issue 18581, 15 December 1934, Page 13

HUMOUR - More or Less

Lady (engaging a new chauffeur): — “1. want a very careful man, oik who will not take any risks whatever.” Applicant—“l’m your man, madam May I have a month’s salary in advance?” * * *• * Mrs ’Arris: We ’adn’t been married ’arf an hour when ’e give me this black eye. But I got him sent up for 14 days! ABs Smith: Oh, dearie! ’Ow could you spoil yer ’oneymoon like that? * * * From the gossip page of an Arkansas paper: “Aliss Beulah, a Batesville belle of 20 summers, is visiting hei twin brother, aged 32.” * •» * <i Grandma: “I think the oldfashioned dances are much the best.” Granddaughter: “Oh, so do 1. Granny. The Charleston, for instance.” it it X- *;e Two colored women were discussing present conditions. One of them remarked: “It shuah is too bad, ain’t it, flat dis heah depression ha’d to come jes’ when times is so hard.” •S M * « Barrister (for motor-accident victim): “Gentlemen of the .jury, .tin* driver of the car stated lie was going only four miles an hour. Think oi it 1 The long agony of my poor, unfortunate client, the victim, as the car drove so slowly over his body!” * * He was. cxa.sper.atcd with tin' telephone. Ten times that morning lie had tried to get a number, and each time something had prevented him from speaking. isJjriief R was “ Number engaged, ” qr the person he wanted to speak 40 was out. Or else he had been suddenly yut off. At last lie go I through. “Hallo!” said he. “jl.fi Mr. X t'her.e?'’ “Yesf” replied n voice. “Do you want to speak to him?” That was -trio last straw. Back came the iteply in Mv ‘ton.os: “Oh no! Nothing of the sort. 1 merely rang him up to hand him a cigar.” * * •» >!■ Three witnesses—a Frenchman, a Dutchman, find an Irishman —were each asked for .the definition of the t,e rm “ gentleman. ’ ’ “A geatlcman,” said the French man, “(is a vnnn who has live counts in bis I'atni|l,v! ’’ “No,” exclaijned the Du tel mum, “a gopriiqman ;is $. pian who never gives palp io iris |f.elloW:ci;eatur.es! ’’ “A gentleman,” said* Pat, “is a man who asks you to come, who gets out the whisky and tells you to help yourself and walks away to the window whilo you’re doing it!”

Safer. “Gills Mi'ii* harder to kiss in your days, weren’t i lu'.v, "randpa'.'” “Well, maybe; Init il wasn’t so blame dangerous. The ol ’ parlor sofa wasn't apt to smash into a tree jest about the time ye got ill I puckered up* That’ll Larn Him. Men Higgins never would be passed, lie bragged his ear’s endurance. He passed six ears with backward glance ; His wife has his insurance. Polite. Amiable victim (bowled over by automobile): “I’m perfectly all right, thank you. I’m not a bit hurt.’’ (Motorist: “1 say. you’re behaving jolly well about it. ft is a real pleasure to knock down a thorough sportsman like you. ’ ’ Hew Off. A tourist walking along a country lane came across a man with a do jeered expression gazing up into n large oak tree. Following liis glance the tourist was astonished to see a. baby car wedged among the brandies. “How on earth did that get there,'” he inquired. “Well, as a matter of fact,” replied the unhappy owner, “I was .trying to crank it up ami it dov right off the handle.