Editor's Waller

Otago Witness, Issue 3994, 30 September 1930, Page 75

Editor's Waller

TONY’S BAFF TIME. i’se goin’ to be a fish to-night an’ splash about a lot ! I don’t ’epect Jonah’s great big whale slept in a cosy cot; I don’t ’speet minnows keep their soap all tidy in a dish, po, ’cos I want to splash an’ splash, I’se goin’ to be a fish ! i’ll fill th’ sponge, then squeeze it hard, an’ make a waterspout ! I saw one in a picture, once, dad read to me about. An’ p’raps there’s goin’ to be a storm ! I’se got th’ bellows near, I fink I’ll blow an’ blow an’ blow until big waves appear ! But when I’se finished bein’ a fish, I’ll be a little boy ; ?Cos then I’ll have my supper bowl an’ p’raps my -woolly toy. i’ll say my prayers—an’ go to sjeep as soon as mummy wishes; But now I’se splashin’ in th’ baff—wif lots an’ lots of fishes. —Home Chat. AWKWARD. A naval officer entered a big store with his wife, and elected to stay near the passenger lift while she made a few purphases at the counters. She was away a long time, and when eventually she did get back he said, mopping his heated brow: “By Jove, Alary ! I’m glad you’ve returned.” “ Why, what’s the matter ? ” “ Matter ? Why, exactly thirty people tiave asked me to run them up in the . ift.” WRONG NAME. Traffic Policeman : “ What’s your pame ? ” Lorry Driver : “ It’s on the side of me Wagon.” Policeman (trying to read name): “Its pbliterated.” . . Driver : “You’re a liar. Its O Brien. —Boy’s Own Paper. PRESUMABLY. The family were seated at dinner, and the conversation turned to school lessons, much to the disgust of little Bobby. “What period in English history are you doing ? ” asked his father. “ Stuarts,” said Bobby curtly. There was a .long. pause as father thought out a question to put to his son. He was a little hazy about facts, but at last he propounded his poser : “What was the first thing James I did when he came to the throne ? ” “ Sat on it. I suppose.” replied Bobby. WHERE IS FAIRYLAND? If, between Petersfield and Midhurst, In Sussex, someone asked you to direct him to Fairyland you might wonder if you were talking to a madman. But your fears would be groundless. One of the oldest farms in England, situated in this district, is called’Fairyland. A signpost, “To Fairyland.” tells you how to get to it. According to the local inhabitants, however, there is no connection between Fairyland and the fairies. But you will find, near the source of the River Forth, in Scotland, a number of grassy hills, traditionally the home of the “ Men of Peace,” as the Highlanders call the fairies. The “ Men of Peace ” were supposed to wear green, and mortals who presumed to don their favourite colour incurred their displeasure. . That is one explanation of the old belief that green is unlucky, which has been held for centuries in certain parts of Scotland, and by certain Scottish families—notably the Grahames and the Ogilvies.

BITING.

The diner had waited ten minutes. At last the waiter appeared. “ Your fieh will be here in five minutes,” he said. Another ten' minutes passed, but no fish was forthcoming. The customer's patience became exhausted.

“ Tell me. waiter.” he eaid, “ what bait are you usintr ? ”

LITTLE BILL’S KITE!

A kite sails up so far into the sky It must be very fine to be so high. To sail away into the clear unknown, Excepting for your paper tail, alone. Sometimes, of course, you’d come across

a bird; No doubt he’d nod and pass a cheery word. And don’t you really think an airman might Have quite a friendly feeling for a kite ? —lrene Heath, in Women’s Weekly.

HER PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE.

Jane -was being questioned by a possible new mistress. “If ’a steak fell on the floor, and the eat got at it, what would you do with it ? ” < Jane (cautiously): “ Please, mum, is this a boarding ’ouse ? ” “ No.”

“ Then I should not cook it, mum.”

INCONSISTENT.

A match of considerable importance ■was in progress, and one player was driving and approaching brilliantly, but putting very, badly, f One of the spectators remarked to that player’s caddie : “ Your man is driving wonderfully well.” “Aye,” replied the caddie cynically, “ but what’s the good o’ puttin’ an umbrella up if your boots are leakin.’”

YEARS TOO LATE.

Maisie wanted to be in the beauty chorus of a well-known revue company. Thinking the corrct procedure was to send in her photograph to the manager, she collected 'a number of “ stills ” and posted them off.

The following day a letter arrived asking her to make an'appointment, but when she was shown into the manager’s office he told her that she was too late. “ What ! ” she gasped disappointedly. "Is the position filled ? ” “ No,” replied the manager, pointing to one of her photographs on the desk, “ but you should have come when you had this taken.”

WHAT THE CAKE DID.

The housewife, greatly daring, stopped a tramp in the street, “A week ago,” said she, severely, “ I gave you a piece of cake.” Yus, lydy.” “And since then you've done nothing but send your disreputable friends to my door.” “ Nah, lydy. Them’s me enemies ! ” CREATOR OF ESPERANTO. Esperanto was created by Dr L. L. Zamenhof (1859-1917), who was born at Bielostok, Russia. He believed that much international misunderstanding might be removed if a common language were available, and he conceived the idea of Esperanto. By the age of 19 he had completed the construction of his new language, but it was then subjected to scrutiny and practical teste till 1887, when he published his “Lingvo Internacia ” under the pseudonym of “Dr Esperanto.” Since that time the use of Esperanto has spread rapidly, and Esperanto associations have been formed in every country. Even in the British Isles, where the importance of the movement does not appear to have been fully understood, there are supposed to be 100,000 persons with a knowledge of the language. The third Universal Esperanto Congress was held at Cambridge in 1907, and since then more than 1,250,000 text books have been sold in Britain. More than 1200 delegates, representing every country in the world, will attend the twenty-second Universal Esperanto Congress at Oxford. Among them will be a number of Icelanders. SOMETHING NEW. The policeman on point duty had gone through a hard day when he saw a most erratic car driven by a women. “ Hey, lady,” he roared, “ use your noddle, can’t ye? ” She looked bewildered. “My goodness, where is it ? I thought I had pulled hand pushed everything in the car.” . CLUTCHING HAND. While the conductor was on top collecting fares a flurried passenger, wishing to alight, got up from her seat and rang the bell—twice. Then evidently she remembered that a single ring was the signal for stopping the bus, so she gave another sharp tug at the bell rope. Just then the driver applied his brake, causing the passenger to swerve forward. To save herself from falling she made a clutch at the rail overhead, missed it, and caught the bell rope, causing the bell to ring again. The conductor, who by this time had descended the stairs, regarded her quizzically. “ Look here, madam,” he said, “ if you keep on ringing that bell the driver will think I’m trying to play ‘ Home, Sweet Home,’ and like enough he’ll turn round and make for the garage.” HIS CHOICE. The little boy had heard the patheticstory and remained unmoved. . “And that poor little boy hasn’t got a father,” said his mother. “ Wouldn’t you like to give him your bunny.” “No,” shouted, the little boy. “Let him have father.” THE FIRST LESSON. A somewhat rare duck which came to Dunsappie Loch at Arthur Seat, Edinburgh, last year had its nest harried. This .year the nest was carefully watched, and its 12 eggs were duly hatched. One day the mother duck was seen with half a dozen ducklings on her back waddling down to the loch. She swam out a little distance, and, submerging, left the youngsters to paddle for themselves. Then she returned to the nest and fetched the others, who were given similar treatment. Since then the youngsters have gone freely to the water. NOT EXACTLY. The prisoner was on trial on a charge of burglary. He protested his innocence and pleaded an alibi. “Do you know what an alibi is ? ” asked the judge. "Yes, m’lord,” replied the prisoner. “An alibi is proving that you were in one place when you were in another.” A PLAY UPON WORDS. A young man gave a graphic deserip-. tion of a narrow escape he had -had from an enraged bull. “I seized, him by the tail,” he exclaimed, “ an’ there I was. I was afraid to hold on, and I dare not let go.” “ Between the horns of a dilemma, as it were,” ventured a young woman, much ; interested. •'No,” replied the young man, “I wasn’t between the. horns at all; and besides, he was not a dilemma; he was a Jersey ! ”

THE MYSTERIOUS PATH.

A little twisty pathway winds Through woodland dimly deep— Past oak and beech where pine and fir A darker passage keep. I’ve never seen a living soul Along its leafy way. Nor known a roving puppy stroll Or frisking rabbit play.

This little path its secrete hides; But oh, it puzzles me Who made it there and down it strides— It looks well trod, you see. —H. M._ W., in Answers.

WELL NAMED.

Jack : “I say, Frank, do you know what I’m going to call my new bike ? ” Frank : “ No.” J ack : “ Circumstances.” Frank : “ That’s a queer name for a bike, isn’t it ? ” i Jack : “Not at all. Haven’t you ever heard of circumstances over which a fellow has no control ? ”

HIS TARGET.

The sergeant was drilling the recruit squad in the use of the rifle. Everything went smoothly until blank cartridges were distributed. The recruits were instructed to load their guns and stand “ ready.” Then the sergeant gave the command : “ Fire at will ! ” One recruit lowered his rifle. “ Which one is Will ? ” he asked.

NEW WIRELESS MARVEL.

An astonishing new invention affecting not only wireless, but also-telephone lines, telegraph wires, and cables, has been perfected. This is the Stenode radiostat system, which performs marvels in the way of sharp tuning. Run round the broadcast band with the very best of ordinary receiving sets and you will find numbers of stations accompanied by whistles or actual jamming. With the new apparatus nearly every station in Europe can be brought in clear of interference. Further, it eliminates the catcalls one’s neighbours may produce nowadays when they are trying to get the wireless just a little louder. You can twiddle the reaction knob as hard as you like within a few yards of the 'new receiver without producing so much as a squak from the loud-speaker. At tire present time the greatest number of messages that can be sent simultaneously over a single line by the Morse code is about six. With the Stenode system the number is almost unlimited. A single wire can carry hundreds of telegraph messages, and, in addition, telephone conversations and picture transmissions can take place. This system may help to solve one of the great difficulties of television. At present the images broadcast by television are very small. If they were made larger the transmissions would interfere with those from other stations. The larger the picture the more space the transmission occupies in the broadcast band used in 'present-day receiving sets. With the Stenode system this does not matter, and the biggest image could be sent on a wave length only a few metres from another station without the slightest interference.

ORDERLY MINDS.

Some people have anything but orderly minds, aud when you dare to doubt the wisdom of some confused action they are indignant that you should question their manner of doing it. But the fact remains that if they had carried out their task in an orderly way the result would have been much better. They may have reached the end of their job all right, but more often than not the getting there was full of difficulty and anxiety. A mind with no appreciation of orderliness never does the best kind of work. That is impossible. The whole of our life, the universe, the human system, are based upon laws which are inexorable in their punishment if we break them. Besides, there is a great, inexhaustible pleasure in an orderly manner. It adds joy to the. job, it saves a lot of wasted effort; which means that, in the general turnover, we can do much more. This saving of time is a very important factor in the development and evolution of the human race.—-G. H. G.. in Answers.

CORRECT!

He : “ How do you like my electric suit ? ” She: “What’s an electric suit?” He : “ It’s one you order by wire and have charged.”.

STRANGE.

They were discussing diet, and the talk became facetious. “I’ve eaten beef all my life, and now I’m as strong as an ox ! ” said he. “ That’s funny,” replied she. " I’ve eaten fish all my life and I can’t swim a stroke.”

TO YOU.

Across the fields of childhood blew

A clean, sweet breeze.It lingered where red clover grew, And kissed the poplar trees. It hummed, as .happy breezes will; The sky smiled from the highest hill; The breeze went on, but lingered still ! You are that breeze ! Upon my roof that sloped so low, The clean spring rain Came pattering long years ago To speak of spring again. The cherry trees put forth their blooms, Geraniums, in little rooms, Looked out, and promised spiced perfumes ! You are that Tain ! And underneath my window shade The clean, gold sun Looked in to tell a little maid A new day had begun. And then I saw the morning rise, With happy promise in the skies, Of sunny wholesome hours to prize ! You are that sun ! —Anne Campbell, in Women’s Weekly.

STRANGE FATHERS.

. Several bird fathers take quite an interest in their chicks—some even in the eggs laid by the hen bird. Some time ago a Japanese crane at the London Zoo presented her spouse with two eggs, which she eat on for about a month. She hatched the first egg successfully, and became so wrapped up in the chick that she lost patience with the other egg and kicked it out of the neat. Father Crane came to the rescue like a true gentleman. If his wife wouldn’t hatch out the second egg, he would have a go at it himself ! He did, too. He sat on that egg and hatched it out without any assistance from his wife. .'lhe sacred ibis from Africa is another bird who takes an interest in the eggs of his wife. He sits on the eggs during the daytime, but makes the lady do night duty ! Perhapf the penguins are the most selfsacrificing birds of the lot. Any male bird—whether he be a father or a bachelor—will willingly look after any hen’s ehick and feed it himself, while the mother takes a rest or goes off to get herself some food. Baby penguins, however, do- not always thrive very well at 'the Zoo. Perhaps that is the reason 1 After all, there is nothing like a mother’s care.

Even the aquarium has its nursing fathers. Perhaps the best example is the common stickleback, with which every small boy is familiar. Father stickleback builds a nest of reeds and twigs, and when_ he has done all his own housebuilding he goes and gets himself, not one wife, but several-—unhappily, he is a Mormon by nature ! The wives lay their eggs in Father Stickleback’s nest, and then clear off to enjoy themselves, while the father takes on the business of incubation by fanning the eggs violently with his tail and fins. This goes on unceasingly until the eggs are hatched, when “ poor father ” collapses and dies, exhausted by his efforts !

THE FUTURE OF WOMEN.

Pessimists, male and female alike, prophesied disaster if women left the shelter of the home, the protection of the husband, father, or brother, and entered the competitive fields of public activity and private gain. The one thing certain in an uncertain world is that women’s emancipation, political and economic, has in no way weakened or lowered her role as a mother and a wife. Indeed, it has immensely strengthened it. The oldfashioned, one-sided chivalry has given way to respect and intellectual comradeship. A successful business woman not only makes a better wife, but a far better mother than the “ cabined, cribbed, confined,” and “sheltered” woman of our grandfather's day. To my personal knowledge, several of the outstanding women both in British and American polities who are the mothers of families, are domestic examples to their sisters the world over.

Two of the greatest English monarchs were women. Queen Elizabeth reigned as an absolute autocrat, and takes her place in history among the greatest of rulers. Queen Victoria’s influence as a constitutional monarch was immense and far-reaching. Every woman occupant of a throne has made history, and none has failed so completely as the worst or the weakest kings.

Is there any reason, therefore, why women, when not hampered physically, should not succeed in every sphere and activity open to their talents once they have overcome prejudice and masculine vested interests ? The answer is to be found in their modern success in all countries in all human activities. And this entry of women into the political, artistic, and economic life of the world’s communities, from Washington to Angora, and from Japan to Iceland, will affect the future of the world more profoundly than any other modern development.— J. M. Kenworthy, in “Good Housekeeping.

POTTED WISDOM.

Suitors—when in doubt, lead diamonds. Sometimes a girl’s ideal is shattered, but more often he is just plain broke. It is only after a man is collared that he notices his ties. It is useless for a man to seek a steady job if he isn’t steady. Some people thirst for knowledge—even though it is often dry. When a girl can be read like an open book she’s usually put on the shelf. He was the flower of the flock —so she cultivated him. • It’s bad luck to have thirteen seated at a table when you’re paying for the drinks.

SMOKED.

A bishop interviewed a vicar, and requested that he would abandon the use of incense, to which the vicar attached importance.

“ You see, my lord,” he said, “ I have the cure of 10,000 souls to minister to.” “ Quite so,” rejoined the bishop, “ but you don’t need to cure them with smoke, like so many kippers.”