FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 3489, 25 January 1921, Page 53

FUN AND FANCY.

you to call again?” Gerald: “No; he dared me tol” Quick: “If a dog chases a cat, what’s the dog’s interest?” Quicker: “All right, old man, I know —one purr scent!” Mistress: You say 7 ypu are well recommended?” Servant: “I am, ma’am. I have thirty-six excellent references.” . —Stella; “What a fresh complexion Marjorie has” Daisy: “Yes; she never allows one application to stay on overnight.” < j^ C * ress: the world’s a stage” Widower i “Er —yes; but a widower doesn’t often like to take an encore, thanks 1” Wife (tearfully): “You have broken the promise you made me.” Husband: “Never mind, my dear. I’ll make you another.’’ . Wife: “I met our landlord this morn‘Bßb an< i he didn’t speak to me.” Husband: Thank goodness 1 No rent rise to-day, then.” —Trene: “Isn’t it too bad! She has abson r • • no conception of what money is for ” Maisie: “Yes; they say she even has a savings account !” Bachelor: “Look what married life has done for old Grubber.” His Friend* “Well?” Bachelor: “Why, he’s ruthless, toothless, and truthless.” ' Wise: “Haven’t you got a job yet?” Potter: “No; I’m still waiting for something to turn up.” Wise: “Hull! Your sleeves are what you need to turn up.” " Orator’s Wife: “Did the people applaud. 7” Orator (with bitterness): “Applaud? They made about as much noise as a rubber heel on a feather mattress!” Mabel: “.Father, I need a new ridingHabxt ” .Father: “I can’t afford it.” Mabel: “But wiiat am I to do without a riding-habit?” Father: “Get a walkinghabit.” .Jakins (putting down the telephone receiver): “I’ll be glad when wireless telephony comes into general use.” Higgs: Why?” Jakins: “Nobody then will be able to tell you that the line is busy.” ’Well, Willie, and so you go to school now, do you?” “Yes!” said little Willie. ‘ And do you love your teacher?” Little Willie gave a sneering laugh. “No,” he said. “Ihe old hen s too ancient for me.” Clocks with gramophone attachments which call out the correct time in a loud voice have been invented by an American. If ever there was a man who, in the still, small hours of the morning as we creep home, deserved a well-aimed kick it is this inventor. - “ What did the editor say about vour story?” asked the young- man’s friend. “I don t believe he liked it very much. He said that if a man fo-und himself on a desert island with nothing to read except your story arid an old directory, he might read my story!” “Strange,” said the first tramp, meditatively, “how few of our youthful dreams ever come true!” “Oh, 1 dunno,” said his companion; “I remember when I used to dream about wearin’ long trousers, and now I guess I wear ’em longer than anyone else in the country.” 7 Copper: “It took Blobson five hours to drive three pigs out of his frofit garden last night.” Davies: “Surely even Blobson could move quicker than the pigs?” Copper: “Oil, he found he could move faster than three pigs all right, but not in as many directions.” “What reason did Blank give for refusing to contribute to foreign missions?” ‘‘Said we ought to concentrate on saving sinners here at home, because if the people of this country aren’t saved it’s going to be a much greater change of climate for them than for the heathen.” The near-sighted man and his wife were inspecting the latest art exhibition with critical care. “That’s the ugliest portrait I’ve ever seen,” he cried, angrily, striving vainly for a better view of the abomination. “Come away, you fool!” replied his wife “You’re looking at yourself in a mirror J” —“Do you know.” roared the little man, “that your great hulking brute of a bulldog killed my wife’s dear little, inoffending, ethereal heavenly pet poodle?” “What about it?” asked the brute “Well.” said the litt’e rran, looking carefully round to see that no one was spying, “would you be offended if I presented your dog with a new collar?” Willie had been to T d that he muif always wait patiently till he was served at meals, and not evv across the table or grab for his food. One day while dining out with his mother, the litt'e follow was accidentally overlooked. He was very patient for a time, but at last he could bear the strain no longer. So, leaning quietly across to his mother, ho said in a loud whisper : “Mother, do little boys who starve to death go to heaven?”