ODDS AND ENDS.

Otago Witness, Issue 2685, 30 August 1905, Page 81

ODDS AND ENDS.

The subject was the geography of the dis- j trict. Teacher: "Where do these two j roads lead to?" Willie: "One of "em goes ' to our 'ouse, and the tother goes straight on." Country Doctor (catech'sing): " Now, i^rjU hs),-. v.hat must we all do to enter I Hca,ven?" Boy: "Die."' Country Doctor: " Quite right. But what must wo do before w-s die?"' Boy: "Get ill and send ICr >ULI. A quarrel had occurred between Tom and Harry, and Tom appealed to the teacher. "Well," said the teacher, "this is a matter you should have settled between yourselves." "I tried to," said Tom, "but tho coward wouldn't fight." " Mamma, my birthday eoroos this year on Mondaj-, doesn't it?"—" Yes, dear.'"— "And last year it was gh a Sunday, wasn't it?" —" Yes, dear." —"Din it come on Saturday the year before last?" —" Yes, clear." — " Mamma, how .many daj-s in the week was I born on?" "Papa," said little four-year-old Margie, "I think you are just the nicest man in tho whole world!" "And I think you are the nicest little g"M is the world."' replied her father. " Course I am," said Margie. " Isn't it queer how such nice people happen to get into the same family?" Uncle: "So you go to school now rlo you, NEipbby?" " Bobby: "Yes, Uno'o." Uncle: '' £&*- nic hear you sp-ell bread " Bobby: "B-R-E-D." Uncle: "The dictionary spells it with an 'A.'" Bobby: "Yes. but you didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it. You asked me how £ spelt it." "Whatever are you doing, you young i"ascal?" ci'icd Mcs Jones, '"Ah'm stai^'liT? en ma head," said Tommy. "Then don't do it, you little scamp! You'll do yourself an injury if you're not careful!" Kuofy.lly Tommy YigLted himself, and gazed stolidly at his parent. " You be hard to please." 'he said. '" Didn't you tell me to play at summat as won't wear ma booits out?" A mother, indignant to find her little son very low in his class at school, exclaimed wralhfully: "I am out of all patience vnth you, Jack. I should just like to know why George Jones is always at the head of his class, while you &re always at th© i--.ot. ' Jack hesitated for a moment, and ti.en. looking his mother squarely in the fac^, he said innocently: "You forget that Jones has very clever parents." The boy was complaining to the master of an assault by another lad, and ssfcntod that his assailant had knocked him tenseless, and then kicked him in the head and face for several minutes. "If he knot'r-ed you senseless," asked the master, " hon do you know that he kicked you after you wtro down?" The youth reflected. "I knew it," lie replied, "cause that's what I'd a-done to him if I'd got him down—so there.''