FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2556, 11 March 1903, Page 59

FUN AND FANCY.

— Oarl : " Was it a love match ?" Snarl : " No. A case of money at first sight." Destiny, apparently, is never so manifest that everybody can see it. — She: "Did you ever notice how Mr Smith's face lights up when he talks?" He: "Yes, he's lantern-jawed; you know." — Made the Best Of It.— Philosophic Murphy (recovering from a 20ft fall) : "Well, I had to come down for nails, anyway !" — "She seems like a real pleasant cook." — "She ia. She always says good morning, even if she doesn't get down until noon." — "Who is the hero of this piece':" asked the man who was coming out of the theatre. And the manager thoughtfully replied : "The man who is financing it." • Thought it Might Be.— Mrs Newrocks: 'I'm determined that Cynthia's debut shall : pass off with great eolat." Mr Newrocks: "--What's eclat, Maria— expense?"

Phis world, it is a busy place, Each has his task to do, And every man's seems easier Than that which faUs to you.

—"I shall never marry," said Miss Ann Teek, with an air of determination. "Perhape not," replied Miss Pert; "but everybodj will admit you have made a. brave fight against the- inevitable." ! Great Novelist (dictating): "The stovm increased in fury, rain fell in torrents, and the gale shrieked all nijjht like— like— what 'stall I say?" Secretary (father of three) : "Like a baby cutting its teeth." \ —Schoolmaster: "What is a widower? Pupil:' "A widderer is a man wot ain't got awidder." Schoolmaster: "Oh, indeedthen what is a widow?" "Pupil: '"A widder 16 a woman wot wants a widderer." . — "Which do you think should be- more highly esteemed— money or brains?" "Brains," answered his friend. "But npwadays the only way a man can convince people that he had brains is to get money.

My fellow men deceive me oft, I'm sometimes glad they do ; This world would be a fearful place . If al! they said was true.

— District Lady: "I hope you and your husband agree now, Mrs Notact? ' Mrs Notact: "Oh, yes, mum, we agree on everythink now." (After a pause.) "'E said you was a meddlin 1 old fool t'other day, mum!" • —Papa: "See that spider, my boy, spinning his web. Is it not wonderful? Do you reflect that, try as he may, no man could ipin that web?" Johnny: "What of that? See me spin this top ! Do you refleot that, try as' he may, no spider could spin this top?" . — Father (showing off his baby boy to bachelor friend) : "Well, what do you think of bim? Fine boy, isn't he?" Bacnelor Friend : "Yes, very fine boy, but he s bald. Still, of course" (glancing at the fathers bald head), "children are not satisfied nowadays unless they can begin where their father* left off." . ......... — A Frenchman was paying his nrst visit to London, and was walking through Hyde Park on ono of the many, foggy December mornings with an English friend. Fog! Ha ha, mon fren!" ejaculated the Frenchman; "now I understand vot you mean yen you say ze sun nevaire set on your dominion. Ma foi, it does not rise ! ' Little fisher maiden Angling on the bay; Patient fisher maiden Waiting there all day. A hobbing float, a little tug, Her heart goes pit a pat; Patient little fisher mug Oaught a little sprat 1

—In Norfolk it is customary to sneak of attending a funeral as "following" tho remains. A young medical man from London, who had taken a practice in Norfolk, was sadly nonplussed the other morning on receiving a letter from a disconsolate widow announcing the death of her husband, and adding as a postcript:— "We all hope you will follow him." ' Encouragement.— " I was thinking of opening a drug store in this neighbourhood," said the stranger. "I was told you had frequently declared there was great need of one here." "That's what!" replied the housekeeper " Why, there isn t a place around here where a man can get the use of a city directory or telephone, or buy his staums."— Philadelphia Press. —It happened that a barrister was crossexamining a witness, and asked him what his profession was. The witness, who was a dwarf, replied that his profeesion was that of an attorney. "You an attorney !" rudely exclaimed the barrister. "Why I could put you in my pocket." "Very probably, answered the dwarf, "and if you did, you would have more law in your pocket than you have in your head." , . The Good Gift.— lt was common opinion that the trillionairo was wasting his money ; for tho people already had more libraries than they xrnld possibly use.- But time proved the wisdom of the gift. In something less than a century, indeed, the conditions attached to the donations had bepgarcd the city, and everybody was moving into the country to escape the taxes. Nobody could doubt that this a good — First Stranger (on railway train): "So you are selling Professor Blank's new books, are you? Strange coincidence. lam Professor Blank." Second Stranger: "That so? Then you wrote the very book lam agenfc for?" First Stranger: "Yes. The hardest work I ever did was writing that book." Second Stranger: "Well, well! That's another strange coincidence. The hardest work I ever did was trying tc sell it-" , , L * — She was a large woman and not what you would "call handsome, but then ehe v-as an Leiress. Still, the designing youth might have been more diplomatic. "Miss Tubbs, he said, when he thought it was about time to bring matters to a head— "Sarah— for months past my thoughts and aspirations have boon centred on one great object She smiled, encouragingly. "Miss Tubbs— Sarah— need I say it? You are that great object!" ' "Sir!" "And a few momenta later the would-be suite* crept dejectedly from the house. — "Yea," said Mr Jones, when a '.ertain girl's name had been mentioned, "I know her tc speak to, but not by .jif?ht." "You mean that you know hei by sight, but not to speak to." "Do I?" asked Mr Jones, anxiously. "Of course, you do. Tiou have seen her so often that you know who she is, but have never been introduced to her. Isn't that it?" "No, that isn't it. f never saw her at all to know her, but I speak to lies nearly every day." I "How can that be?" "She is tke telephone girl •At &* feoh*nft^