FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2253, 6 May 1897, Page 41

FUN AND FANCY.

— " She treats her baby as though it were a dcg." — " Is that possible 7 "—"" — " Yes ; she keeps hugging and kissing it all day." — If care will kill a cat, which has nine lives, we should think it would be, particularly hard on a man, who has only one. — Young Solicitor : " Hake yourself easy, my dear sir ; the successful management of your case shall be ti\e task of my life." i — " That execution was half an hour late." — " Yes; the sheriff and the condemned j man bfgan talking about their bicycles." j — He : "I wish I had a gun. Evidently j that cat thinks he can sing." She (drowsily) : " Very likely. He ate the canary this morn- i ing." . '— It is a remarkable thing how much [ sooner the weather sets in " bitter cold " to 1 those furnished with handsome furs than to those not so fortunate. ■ . — "Do you-en'joy novel reading, Miss Belinda ? "—"" — " Oh, very much ; one can associate with people in fiction that one wouldn't dare to speak to in real life.'' — " Why didn'fc you come when I rang ? " — "Becaifse I didn't hear the bell."— " Well, ■when you don't hear the bell you must come and tell me so." — •■ Yes, sir." — He : " Tell you what — let's found a societyf or mutual admiration. I, for instance, admire your beautiful eyes. And what do y.ou admire in me 1 " She : " Your good taste." — Master : " Well, Tommy, you were not present yesterday. Were you detained at ' home in consequence of the inclemency of the weather ? " Tommy : " No, sir ; 'cause • of the rain." — " No, no ; I wouldn't dare to have my husband help me when we move." " Why not 1 " " He's a railway porter, you know, and (he'd forget, and think he was handling passengers' luggage." — The Other Side.— Lady : "Bat it seemß to me you ask very high wages, when you acknowledge that you haven't had much experience." Bridget: "Shure, mann, ain't it harder for me when I don't know how ? " — Employer (as a crushing wind up to ! complaint) : " I expect you to take a little interest in my business." Employee: "Well. I never looked for a partnership, but I shall be only too glad to accept your generous offar." — " Darling," said she, " do you love me as i much aa «^ver ?'[ " Yes, dearie," said he, with j his nose bnried in his newspaper. That ' ought to have "satisfied her, but ehe had to ask "Why?" "Oh, I dunno. Habit, I fancy." , — Editor's Wife : " Oh, John, the baby has swallowed a button 1 " Editor : " Let's hops it won't hurt the poor little chap ; but should it happen to kill him, what a splendid headline it will make : * A Baby Bolts a Button and Becomes Breathless P " — Asker (to Fisher, who ia returning empty-handed from a fishing trip, with^ a dog at his heels) : " What do you call your dog?" Fisher: "Fish." Asker: "Why, that's a funny name for a dog. What made you give it to him ? " Fisher : " Because he won't bite." — The Cost of an Education.— "Your studies are costing me a great deal," said a father to his son as he rescued in his pocket for money ±o buy more books with. " 1 know it, father," replied the son with some emotion, as he pocketed a £5 note, " and I don't stndy very hard, either." — "lam really delighted at the interest my boy Tommy is taking in his writing" said Mrs Hickleby ; " he spends two hours a day at it."—" Really ? How strarge I How did you get him to do it ? "—"" — " I told him to write me out a list of everything he wanted for his birthday, and he's still at it." — Hearing a faint rustle in the darkened hallway below, the elder sister, eupposing the young man had gone, leaned over the balustrade and called out: '-Well, Bassie, have you landed him ? " There was a deep sepulchral, silence for some moments; it was broken by the hesitating, constrained voice of the young man : " She has." " I wanted to apeak to you about that dog ] yon sold me," said the small man. " Well, i he's all there, ain't he?"— " Yes; but you < told me he was a hunting dog." — " Do you 5 mean to contradict what I said ? "—"" — " Not for [ the world.'sir — not for the world. Bat I will j go so far as to say I didn't understand that "- his specialty was hunting a Dlace to lie down j \