PASSING NOTES.

Otago Witness, Issue 2209, 2 July 1896, Page 38

PASSING NOTES.

11 Whbbb are the bad people buried, Mary ? l: _ This- awkward question was put to bis sister bj the child Efia as, wandering in a churchyard, he noticed the emphatic eulogies and comfortable scriptures inscribed on almost every tombstone. Somehow orother I found j myself asking the selfsame question at about : 930 of the clock last Saturday evening. I had sallied forth to add my quota to the Stock of peripatetic aimlessness that occupies the streets of Dunedia o' Saturday nights ; but chancing on the corner of H'gh . and Princes street, I found a crowd which oertainly could not be called aimless, though I have since heard it described as shameless. I was just in time to witness a scene that I would not have missed for worlds. My neighbours were all gazing ia eager expectancy at an upper window of the Grand Hotel ; and, human optics being gregariously inclined, I gazed likewise. Hha window was opened, and for one proud moment the portly landlord was tbe observed of all observers, as be nimbly alighted on what Mrs Gamp used to cill the parapidge. The real hsro of the hour (fearful, perohanoe, of again losing his balance) remained on the safe side, and thence addressed bis interesting and interested slaves. Needless to say, they were "tho people o£ Dacedin." Mj nearest neighbour, who Had made him- j self hoarse with cheering, asked me whether it wasn't a grand reception. T, in my turn, asked him— "Where are the bad people bnried, Mary?" He appeared puzzled and displeased ; probably his name wasn't Mary. Happily the time had oome for more cheeritg; my neighbour lifted up his voice, audexplanations were escaped. A minute later and x the great function was at an end. Democratic Danedin had displayed its powers of cussedness in all their splendour, and went back^well satisfied, to its peripatetic aimlessness.

I soon discovered that Fate had not been altogether kind to me.) Wby had I not sallied forth half an hour earlier? I bad missed tbe glorious piocesbion from tbe railway station— tbe human horses— the more than Roman triumph. Hurrah ! for tbe great triumph, Taut stretches many a mile. Hurrah ! for the wan captives, That pasi in endless file. Ble.st acd thrice blest the Roman Who sees Rome's brightest day, Who sees that long victorious pomp Wind down the Sacred W*y, And through the bellowing Forum, And round tbe Suppliant's Grove, Up to the everlasting gates Of Capitolian Jove. Bellowing I heard, but I did not see the full triumph. I was blest but not thrice blest. Yet let me not be ungrateful. We have bad a rich feaßt of comedy since Saturday night, served up in that lordly dish, the correspondence column of the newspaper. First came Mr "E. L. Gallagher" anent the " grand reception " (can this have been my -Mary ?) ; then the " Drawer ,of th« Carriage"; next "The Driver"; and finally "The Carters" took, up the wondrous tale. Mr Gallagher clinches the matter by drawing an awful distinction between the Editor of the Daily Times and himself— a "fat man " and the people of New Zealand ; whila the driver, thd drawer, and the carters Jancy

themselves amazingly, and are- as unrepentant as Oaliban. Truly, a mad world, my masters, Meanwhile, tho Supreme Court has been petitioned re the winding up Of tbe J. G. Ward Farmers' Association. "Where are tho bad people bnried, Mary ? "

I have just received a communication wbiob reminds me of some remarks made by an acquaintance six or seven' weeks ago. It was at the time of Bishop Vardon's consecration, when all Danedin, seemed to have set itself To hjmn the conquering march of Rome. " Can it be," asked my friend, " that good old, stupid, uncompromising intolerance is no longer to be found in Danedin ? All these high doings at St. Joseph's, all these complimentary articles in tbe newspapers, and so forth— and not a single letter of protest, not a stray reference to the Scarlet Woman or tbe— hem— the lady of Babylon, not one loyal outburst .of ultra-Protestant bigotry I" My friend' paused to shed a tear over departed greatness, and continued: "If "was not ever thus. Time was when we had champions that knew not tear " and ' suffered not themselves to ba dfczzled by a false glamour. There was the Protestant Ensign — swfbtly controversial journal,— but it_is defomot. . There was the Rqv..A. C/Gilllea, whose Protestant epistles were the terror of editorial Gallics. Bat, alas! - His part in all the pomp that fills' The circuit of the summer bills Is that his grave is green. Then there were the Orangemen who petitioned the Queen ; are they, too, defunct 1 Oan,it- can it be that bigotry is dead ?"— and' further queries were drowned in emotion. But now, after the lapse- of some weeks, comes an answer to my friend, with respite for his mifgivings. Hare is the communication in all its naked unlovelinesa : Mr Civia. Dear Sir, — Just a few lines from one who has not troubled you before. What do you think of tlut old fraud they call the Pope blessing the English navy when at Ryme? Did he not bless tho Spanish Armada and pronounce ib invincible when it started on its journey for the conquest and destruction of the English as a Protestant nation ? Now, sir, what became of tho Spanish n&vy blessed by tho P^pe ? Did not ths Almighty destroy it with a fearful storm ? Now, air, it seems to me that whatever the Pope blesses is sure to come under the curse of Godr Is not the British navy io great dargei 1 ? Puritan. . I don' 6 know about the British navy, but there is reason to fear that " Puritan " is in " great danger " of the woes pronounced upon all nncharitableness. And he apparently expects me to sympathise with his unholy horrors I Is thy servant a dog that ho should .do this thing ? ,

Of a truth the Germans are a wonderful race. If they dp not command success 'in tfie commercial world, assuredly they go near to deserve it. The following epistle recently arrived at the Daily Times office from Hamburg, addressed to tbe editor. It is d»ted 80th April 1896, and speaks for itself : — Dear Colleague, In tbe supposition that the readers of your esteemed mws-paper might find pleasure in reading now and then some details about the highly charaeteristical enterprise, the "Dauernde Export;- Ausstalluog der Lebsu-smittel-Induslrie " ("JfeiniMieDt Export-Exhi-bition of Food Industries") I bvgto aolicifc frtm you the reproduction of the inclosed article, requesting you at tho same time to remit me a copy of the respective number. By granting this request you would render me a great service, which in my turn, I shall always be happy to reciprocate if opportunities should offer. I remain, dear Colleague, Ycurs obediently, Hermann Conitzeb, Writer. I am afraid the editor would refuse to sanction tho " reproduction " of the enclosed article (which is about three columns in length) except at current rates ior • advertising, but I shall take the liberty of extracting "some details about the highly characteristical enterprise" referred to by my ". dear colleague."

The article itself coatains some decidedly toothsome reading. It purports to be a description of a walk through the showrooms of the exhibition (with the compound name already referred to) by "our Hamburg cotrespondent." Tbe " cotrespondent" SBems to have had a really good time in the exhibition—sampling both eatables and drinkables in a most methodical dnd catholic manner. In fact, the perusal of his gormandising excursion made me feel at once hungry, thirsty, and envious; but, as Mr Oonitzer says, "I can give you a consolation: All these delicacies, of whish (sic) I am going to speak,' exactly by the mediation of the exhibition, are eept to both' hemispheres," &c, &o. Qaite so, if you fancy any of the goods so cunningly described by tho eloquent Herr Cjnitzer, all you have got to do is to send a small " trial order "to Hamburg, and there you are I The 'correspondent commenced by quaffing some delicious German " champaign '' — to put him in a good humour for a start, I should imagine. The Germans, it seems, have been so successful in recent years with the manufacture of this sparkling fluid, that as the writer say?, with pardonable national pride, "the exclusiveness of the Frenoh champaign has altogether been done with." Next this thirsty soul samples the Rhine and Moselle wines of Frankfort-on-the-Main, and goes onto have a small glass of Jamaica rum (presnmably of German manufacture) which ho reoommends to be taken mixsd with tea, coffea, or punch I This delightful liqueur is, it appears, of great value iv " many epidemical diseases." AJter a passing draught of Steinberger brandy, the intrepid sampler, attaoked a consignment of tinned fish from the BaltioJ^hioh he washed down with a glass of Russian table bitters and a few biscuits of ' Prussian make. The peripatetic banquet winds up with some Cola- chocolate and a cop of "oat-cocoa." The idea of mixing oats with cocoa the correspondent terms " one of the most ingenuous ones," but I -suppose that after such a " ciutraotoristical " luncheon the moat

n •mmmmmmmmmmmmmm^m „ , „ n j KKll fastidious scribe may well be excused for it little " derangement of his epitaphs:"

Another of my illusions haa Keen rudely dispelled. Up till now I have baon a humble but sincere admirer of Itudyard Kipling. I have read most of bis works — both proso and poetry,— and hay« alwaya been under the impression that Kipling himself was a regular, fire-eater— a combination of Bayard and Dick Turpin. When Rudyard himself passed through our little town a few years ago I caught a glimpse of him afar off, and I must say that I was disappointed to find that be was cot at least seven feet high. (As a matter of fact, in real life he ia a small commonplace-looking man, with weak eyes and spectacles.) But then I recollected that the Great Napoleon himself vtm not much more tban sft in height, and I oonßoled mjselE with this trite reflection. It now apps<ur», howover, in the light of recent event*, thai; Kipling i 9 not only small in bodi'j subnet', but that he ia— l regtefc to say ,it--pTj riillanimous. -This is a harsh wordtto use regarding an Anglo-Indian swashbuckler, but it seeme to be justified by the faotp, which are these:— Mr Kipling is married to an American lady— a sister of , tho late lamented Wolcotfe Balestier— and dwells en familU in tbe United States. .One of his brothers-in-law— a tall andatblatic Yankee —met the doughty. Kipling near his own house the other day and threatened him with personal violence (in the shape of a sound thrashing) if he (Kipling) persisted in speaking of him as having zpocged on him for money. Whereupon the gallant Rudyard halea his relative before tho caaresfc magistrate ; and got 'the hot-beaded youth bound over to keep the peace in the sum of lOOdol. What a falling off ia here I When I read the prosaic record I thought of the heroic tale of the two drummer boys who defied the wbole army, and I lamented in sackcloth the shattering of - one more daydream.

I do not know, whether it is a generally accepted maxim of the law of England tbat the punishment should fit the crime. I believe that it is so in burlesque and comio opera, but I doubt whether it can be admitted that it is the practice in Now Zealand, In some parts of tbe United Siate?, however, attempts are now being made to adapt the punishment to the crime, with unexpected and not to say startling results. Following out this idea a magistrate in New J«raey, who is aptly described as a "clever and common-3ense justice of tho peace," recently sentenced an habitual drunkard fo attend 30 revival meetings at which temperance (Prohibition 7) was the subject of disousDJon. Now here is a noble example for some of our local * Shallows jto follow. To many of us it may seem a cruel and almost Inhuman sentence to condemn an intelligent citizen to listen for hours on end to tho braying of the average Prohibitionist tub-thumper. Bnfc In the New Jersey instance the end certainly justified the means. For wo are told 'that the convicted person has become "converted" through his punishment, and is now one of the foremost lights in the world of temperance. IS I thought for a moment that nimilar results would follow in the case of a few hardened "soakers" with whom I am acquainted, I should at once communicate with Mr W. Hntohison and get him forthwith to bring in a " little bill " on the subject. I am afraid it conld hardly be included in the aot relating to the dehorning of cattle, inasmuch / as the sentence I am suggesting would almost amount in itself to ''.cruelty to animals"; but no doubt .the "junior" member forl)acedin conld arrange to have a clause embodying tbe above principle embodied in one of his numerous legislative chickens. Oivis.