EDITOR'S WALLET.

Otago Witness, Issue 2179, 28 November 1895, Page 55

EDITOR'S WALLET.

fUt and. Hnmonr of Familiar Sayings. HALF A LOAF IS BETTKR THAN NO BHEAD. " Well," said a philosophic friend to an inValid, " had you a good night last night P " "No, I never suffered «o in my life." " Hum ! That's tad. But " — brightening tip — ♦• you know a bad night is better than no Bight at all." If you kant get haff a loaf take a whole one •—a whole loaf is better than no bread. Better a poor horse than an empty stalL Better half a loaf than none at all. A half loaf is be'.ter than a whole lo&fer. A day off is better than no vacation. Even half a loaf is better than loafing all the time. I ' A SBLF-MADB MAS. H'Corkie : " Jay smith oalls himself a selfjnade man." i M'Crackle : " Well, no one who knows him •will dispute the assertion." A self-made man never gets tired of bragging on his job. Among tbe witty sayings of the lnte W. R. Travera, of New York, is his stuttering reply to the statement of a very bald broker that ho was a self-made man : " Tlun wby-why-wby the d-d-dickens didn't you p-p-put more hair on?" Self-ms.de men are vgry prone to usurp the prerogative of the Almighty and over-work themselves. They are not tatUfied with the position of division superintendent of creation, but they waut to be most worthy high grand mackatnuck of the entire ranch, or their lives % are gloomy, fizzlss. A drunkeu member of Parliament said to the Attorney-general one day, " I'm a selfmade man, I am." " Then, sir," replied the philosophical Attorney-general, " the fact relieves tho Almighty of a great responsibility." Many a man who prides himself on being eelt'-made is simply the product of a good wife. Self-mads men are most always apt tew be a leetlo too proud of the job. HUSBAND AND WIFE AXE ONE. If husband and wife are one in law, the query ia, Which is the one ? Miss A. : " The wedding was as sad as a funeral." Mr Benedict: " Why shouldn't it be ? Both have the same resulti In one case, two are made one ; in the other, one is made nothing. One let s each time." He : " Now that we are married we are one, and I shnll insist that this be the last time you appear in a low-necked dress." She : "We may be one, but you ara only half of us, and I shall dress my half as I please." A good-l«oking and witty young frau, recently married, was much given to yawning in the presence of her husband. The latter one day asked her if she was tired of his company. " Oh, no," was the reply, " but you Bee we two are one now, and I always feel dull when I am alone." IT IS AN ILL WIND THAT BLOWS NOBODY GOOD. An ill wind that blowß nobody good— the breath of scandal. Everything in the world is of some nse, but It would puzzle a doctor of divinity, or a philosopher, or the wisest owl in our steeple, to tell the good of idleness ; that seems to me to be an ill wind which blows nobody any good. The boy whose sister has the scarlet fever gets totoog vaeatioa.

I A Nebraska man was 1 carried 40 miles by a cyc'oce and dropped in a widow's front yard. He married the widow and returned home worth about 30,000d0l more than when he started. "Tobaccy wansfe saved my life," said Paddy Bfake, an inveterate smoker. "How was that ? " inquired his companion. "Ye see, I was diggin' a well, and came, up for a good smoke ; while "I was up the well caved in." NOTHING IS WHOLLY BAD. Even a dark lantern has its bright side. There iB the forger, for instance. He is ever ready to write a wrong. No man, however bad, is wholly dishonest. We know a great many who would not run into debt for nearly so many things as they do if they only had money to pay for some of them. " CT WAD SOME POWER TUB GIFTIE GIE US " This has been remedied by a Nt w York hatter, who puts a small mirror in each hat. If a man only c aw himself occasionally as others 6ee him, ho would cut his own acquaintance on tbo Gyofc. If a man krew as munh about him/self as he does about his noiglibjur he would never 6peak to himself. — Marshall Brown.