HOW TO GET OUT OF A HOLE.

Otago Witness, Volume 01, Issue 2123, 1 November 1894, Page 5

HOW TO GET OUT OF A HOLE.

A POHAHAKA DIALOGUE. The following report of an iaterview, which would have doubtless appeared as a parliamentary paper bub for the f&ofc that owing to various circumstance) it never took place, is supplied by our tpeoial Astral Investigator* per favour of a special associate of the Mahatmas now among*!; u« :—: — ; Reporter : What Js your name ? Ths Interviewed : Miaister i'or Lands. Rep. : Who gave Jou that name ? Int. : The people of New Zealand, believing I was fit to administer the department, and to fitmnd up Pg3inst the wile* of needy landowners anxious to unload their unsaleable properties on th«* «aid people. Eep. : Were you fit ? Int. : You ciui judge by results. Rep. : Exactly. Suppose we take Pomahak&? tnt. : I would much rather you took anything else. Rep. : So I should imagine. Still, I suppose you would answer a few questions about it ? Int. : I only submit to investigations about Pomahakfl on my own conditions. R->n. : What are your conditions P Int. : That I myself appoint the persons who are to judge the result. Rep. : Oh, indeed ? That is rather unusual, «n't it ? , Int. : Pomahftka is unusual.

Rep. : That is very trne ; let us trust it will be not only unusual, but unique. Int. : That depends on circumstances. Rep. : What circumstances P ' Int. : I decline to answer. Rep. : Thank you. By the way, are there any other precautions necessery in your opinion befora submitting to investigations about Pomahaka? . • Int. : A few. For instance, besides appointing the judges myself, I consider it requisite that I should be one of them. Rep. : What, and sit on the bench to try your own c»se, besides colleagues appointed by yourself? Int. • Well, not exactly sit, you know. Rep.: What then? [A profound wink w*a the only answer elioited to this question.] Rep. : I see. That, I presume, would suffice by way of precautions to escape any unsuitable verdict which the facts might indicate ? Int. : Not quite. I Bhould require, in addition, to be represented by a lawyer. Rep. : A lawyer ! But that would surely lead the public to suppose that the facts require hiding, would it not ? Int. : You are very inquisitive, sir. Anyhow, that is a condition I impose. Rep.: Have you any preferences as to the lawyer to be employed ? Int. : One or two. For instance, he most be a- political partisan of my own and a regular attendant at my banquets : a skilled quibbler, of coarse, and if known to be expectant of particular Government favours, so much the better. Rep. : What would be his duties ? Int. : To twist the facts in the usual way, whitewash everything and everybody as far as he could, hide as much as possible, gloss the rest, and finally writ 9 the report for the Government majority to pass. Rep. (gasping) : I beg yottr pardon,— did you say write the report ? [No answer.] Rep. : Well, let th*t pass. I suppose those precautions at any rate would suffice P Int. : Not in such a business as Pomahaka. I flrast further have the whole investigation purely political— not independent. Rep. : Political ! Why, but that means that you would etoff the banch with your own political partisans, old enemies of the man who impugns the transaction, and only two anxious j to have a slap at him, now that he can't defend himself in the House, for old soores' sake P Int. > Well, what could be more entirely satis- - Rep. j And do yon mean that the inquiry would be held aotually while Parliament w«

I whips every job, however infamous, that any opponent might expose ? Int. t Really, my dear sir, you don't seem to have heard of party government before. Do you really suppose I could afford to let the Punahaka business go to an inquiry on the facts alone ? — [Shudders.) R«p. : Then uii'lor these civeirnsfciuces, whatever you had done mus>l be whitewashed by the committee ? Int. : I should just like to see them try to do anything else. What would I put them there for? Rep. : Aud yonr opponents would be viliflod ? Int. t Of course. It is part of the business. Rep. : Were yon accuse d of taking bribes ? Int. : You're really very green ! No, of course not. To say thai I woi was only my way of evading the real accusation. Rap. : Is the remit under these circumstances satisfactory to you ? Int. i Perfectly. You will observe that it could not have been otherwise. Rep. : The evidence is very ngly P Int. : What has the evidence got to do with it ? I tell you it was the verdict I put the committee there for— not the evidence. Rep. : But the public will see the evidence ? Int. : I hope not, sincerely. A few will, no doubt. Of course, my colleagues having kicked my Libel Bill out of the Cabinet room and told me so rudely not to make myself ridioulouo, those beattly newspaper* might spite me by publishing the evidence. But I hope some of the mud we have flung in our report will (tick, even if they do. Rep. : One little thing more, Mr M'Kenzie Did you sot base your orginal defence on the petition ? Int. :* Oh, don't rake up old things. Rep.: Vtry well, to oblige you I wHI not. When, however, the petition was shown up in its true character as bogus, did you not still promise to hava the purchase fairly and fully investigated P Int. : Yea, I did. One hai to give those promises when one is cornered. They souud well at the time, they choke off the attack, and they oan always be evaded afterwards. Rep. : In other words, the " investigation " can be arranged so as ta satisfy the "precautions " you mentioned ? Int. : I see we understand each other. Rep. : Yes. I suppose you would have considered it very poor tactics to keep such a promise literally ? Int. : Poor ! It would be simply idiotic. Rep. ; So I should imagine. One last question. How do you propose to prevent the public, if once they have access to the evidence, from continuing to call this notorious transaction the Pomahaka scandal P

Int. : I propose to introduce a short act making it penal to do so. Rep. : I see. Permit me to assure you that you have struck upon the only way. At this point the interview would have terminated had it not been for the fact that it had not then begun.