Quaint Bits from the French.

Otago Witness, Issue 2080, 4 January 1894, Page 49

Quaint Bits from the French.

The following piquant extracts are from 11 Fureterina," and are contributed by J. E. Guernsey. Antoine Furetiere, the. author of the book, was b*rn in Paris in 1580, and died in 1668 ; aged 88.

Cardinal Richelieu one day asked M. de Loit why his hair was black and his beard white, whilst he, the Cardinal, had his hair white and his beard black. " Because, monseigneur," said the clever physician, you have worked much with your head, whilst I have worked with my jaws."

The Bishop of M , newly arrived at the court, said to', a fprince that the priests of his diocese were all saints. " They live," said he, "in quite an edifying manner; they never mix themselves in the affairs of the world, passing their time in preaching and in instructing souls; they are quite disinterested and despise benefices." " Then I'm sure you must despise them," said thp prince.

Hypocrisy is the queen of vices, since she holds all other vices in her power. A very fat abbot of extraordinary size, about to enter Florence rather late one evening, asked a peasant if he could enter the city. " Yes," said the countryman, playing on the word "enter," since a waggon load or hay can enter. From " Menagiana" about 1677.

A lady had her dress so loaded with gold and silver that she,could scarcely walk. " Madam," someone said to her, " what goldsmith made your dress ? "

A young fellow once boasting of his bravery on one occasion ran away; a Parisian said to him: "Where then is your courage ?" He replied, •• In my legs."

There are people who say good things which they arrange badly. We say of them that the pearls, although badly strung, are nevertheless precious.

At the last sermon of a mission in a country parish everybody wept except a countryman. Someone said to him, " Why don'fe you cry ? " He replied : "I am nob of the parish." In a village of Poitou, a woman, after a long illness, fell into a trance. Her husband and those around her thought her dead. They wrapped her simply in a shroud, according to the custom of the country, and carried her off for burial. On going to the church, those who carried her passed so close to a hedge that the thorns having pricked her she woke up. Fourteen years afterwards she really died — at least they thought so. As they were carrying her to her burial, and were approaching a hedge, the husband cried out two or .three times, "Don't go too near the hedge."

An Italian was carrying something under his cloak. A Frenchman said to him, " What have you there?" "A dagger," said the Italian to him. The Frenchman, finding that it wai a bottle, drank all the wine, and, returning the bottle, " Here," said he, " I make you a present of the scabbard."

A man once took great care of his beard. It cost him three crowns a month. Cardinal Campege said, "In the end the beard will cost more than the head is worth."

M. deßacin was 'very witty, but had a very indistinct voice. One day, in a numerous company, he had occasion to speak on some subject in which ho said some capital thioga. After he had finished, seeing nobody laughed, because they hadn't heard him, he turned to a gentleman next him and said, "I see that these gentlemen don't understand me. Translate it for me, if you please, in the vulgar tongue." One day a person called on Mr D . One of his servants told him, "My master is busy ; he is thrashing his wife."

Once a dyer had to take an oath. Said the judge to him, "Takeoff your gloves." "Sir, put on your spectacles," said the dyer.