PASSING NOTES.

Otago Witness, Issue 2008, 18 August 1892, Page 25

PASSING NOTES.

' " Tub Conglomerated Puddle and Muddle Gold Mining Company, Limited ; in Liquidation." It is with mixed feelings that I receive communications with this superscription — very mixed. lam lost in wonder — though not in love and praise — that ever I could have been seduced into complicity with so transparent a partnership of knaves and fools. I would dearly like to swear, only my principles forbid it, and I badly want to kick somebody — an original promoter, one of the directors, the liquidator, anybody connected with the swindling conspiracy ; but no. lam a man of peace, and there are such things as actions at law for assault and battery. I must suffer in silence, and assuage my outraged sense of justice by morally kicking myself. What riles and rasps me most as a contributing shareholder in the Conglomerated Puddle and Muddle and other mining phantasms long ago gone bung, is that I am still beiDg persecuted for calls — " calls in liquidation." Some of my fellow-sufferers, I see, are groaning and howling in letters to the papers; some of them allow themselves the gloomy satisfaction of being summoned to court, and having the " call " aggravated by law costs.. Anger is brief madness (vide Latin Primer) ; hence the peculiar behaviour of contributing [shareholders who are paying " calls in | liquidation." After all, the washing-up of our ridiculous mining boom is a trifle compared with sirailir obsequies in Molbourne. No eminent Dunrdin citizen, as promoter or director of a swindling mining company, has yet been clapt in jail ; whereas in Victoria eminent citizens have been imprisoned by the dozen, and it seems doubtful whether even the Agent General and the ex-Speaker will permanently succeed in keeping out of the hands of the police. Let us be consoled I We have boomed and bust, it is ■true, but not so badly afl our neighbours. Our boom, like the misfortune of Marryatt's maid servant, is " only a little one." By-and-bye perhaps we shall bo able to get back — not our money, alas, no I—but1 — but what ought to be more precious— our self-respect.

" Robert Jewnier," writing from Bellamy's, Parliament House, Wellington, informs mo that he is there practising " under depreshing suckumstances " hi 3 "eredetry purfeshun — wiz., that of the umble Waiter" — having removed from Dunedin, whecce he last addressed me, to avoid the severities of our Southern winter :—: —

When I cum away from Hinglaud, ome, and buty in pursewt of elth at the Hantippodees my pore old guvnor he says, says he to me, " Robert, my sou, there may be some littry gent in them far distant klimes as knows your respeckted father from seeing my sillibrated lookabrashuns in Punch, for many years. If so, he will rejice to print any little efewshuns of yours for my sake. Remember, Robert, that my littry mantel dewolves on you, Keep it up,

my boy, keep it up ! Also tho famly spelling, which as bin admired and himitated by the sillybrated Eizak Pitman and other hignoramuses, but without suckcess, threw not being ackwainted with the fust principles of the hart — wiz., my Golden Rule, • When iv doufc selekt the very simpletonest spelling.' " This xcellent payrentle adwicc I follarcd out emejetly after my arrival in Dunedin by communicating to Civis a deskripshun of 3 seedy pollytioklc swells in a depreshed state of mind as I waited on iv the Hotel where I had tempery employment on the night of the Bruce elekshuu. Soon arftcr this, bom week in the chest, with panes in the lims, and the sewerrities of winter getting wuss and wuss, I kwitted your rheumantic city, as I heard the Reverend Doctor Stuart deskcribe it in a spench, and proseaded north to Wellington. " Our rheumantic city " said the reverend gent, quite open and kandid, and aparently rcjicing iv the fackt. To this deskripshun I give my caudial assent ; but if Dunedin is rheumantic suttenly Wellington ain't no better. Neigh, wuss indeed, destinkly wuss ! But of this more 'ereafter ; also of my panef ul and hignominius xperiences amung a seedy lot of Kulonial Lejjislaters, most of womb don't know Dry Ock from Apollynaris Water, an whose favrit bevveridge is tea or Skotch whisky. What is ewen wuss still, and the indoobitubble sine of a debaged moral nature, not more than 1 or 2 in the hole lot has the instink to remember the pore Waiter. — I am, lietsettry, Robert Jewnieb. After nearly three weeks' drip, drip, drip of Financial debate one is in a mood to be thankful for email mercies in the way of excitement. But a no-cjnfidencs motion that fizzles out in a night to the tune of 39 to 21 is a mercy of such microscopical smallness that gratitude would be wasted on it. It's not enough to startle a mouse. Indeed the only element of interest it possesses is as showing the extent of Parliamentary degeneration in the Rollestou ranks. Depend on'r, neither Sir Robert nor Mr Ballauce would ever lead their men into the shambles in that way. What is the chief end of her Majesty's Opposition ? To defeat her Majesty's Government, of course. Todd and May are perfectly clear on the point. But suppose it can't be done— what then? May and Todd are equally explicit : Avoid being defeated, bij the Government. However weak the Opposition may be, they cm always escape defeat, by simply declining to fight. The art of the toreador lies as much in avoiding the rushes of the angry bull as in goading the angrj bull to ru9h. And if he doesn't avoid 'em he gets gored for his clumsiness, and the spectators shout " sarve him right " in pure or mixed Oastilian. Even so in the political arena at Wellington. In teasing and tormenting the Ministerial bull the Opposition showed considerable dexterity, and we applauded them accordingly. But in the subsequent proceedings, dating from the rush, the dexterity is all on the side of the bull, and our applause is transferred to him as he tosses Mr Rolleston, tramples on Sir John Hall, and paints the floor red with the rest of the party.

But if the no-confidence debate was a dismal fiasco there has been no dearth of excitement in other ways. The political atmosphere has become distinctly electrical, and squalls are brewing and bursting every day. With Scotch perversity the Governor refuses to take his Ministers' advice touching those Calls. Hence a crisis, with a reference to the Secretary of State and a threatened dissolution — appetising morsels every one — for which we are duly grateful to his Excellency. Then the daily proceedings of the House have suddenly become dramatic. When not engaged in baiting the unhappy Speaker hon. gentlemen devyte themselves to calling one another names and interchanging the lie direct. Thus, a member gracefully suggests that if a Minister isn't lying about a certain matter it's because he was tco drunk to remember what took place at the time. To which theMtnister blandly retorts that at a certain banquet the member djned so freely that he was mistaken in the early morning for a Christy minstrel. Ie may easily be conceived that when debase is embellished with such delicate allusions and suggestions as these, the proceedings become somewhat animated, and the Speaker is liable to be laid up with complaint of the kidneys. It is noteworthy, by the way, that our Labour members (other than Mr Fish) do not indulge in these amenities. On the contrary, they seem to comport themselves with an old fashioned decorum that is quite out of date with Ministers in ease and Speakers in posse. Now this defect comes by cause — but how to explain it is beyond me. Temporary break-down of Parliamentary propriety under the dead weight of that dreadful Financial debate, which drove both the House and the country nearly distracted 1 Very likely. Then there's a supersensitive Speaker, devoid of humour and addicted to poetry — fatal defects both — who gives elaborate reason 3 inttjad of prompt rulings, and with an intense desire to be fair, succeeds only in being feeble. This, also, may have something to do witli it.

Here is a pretty little specimen of what gees on in the House. During the progress of an animated controversy between the Minister for Lands and Mr Scobie Mickenzie (who seem to love one another with more than the cordiality of clansmen) the latter made some polite allusion to written speeches, whereupon

The Minister for Lands gave to this statement a most emphatic denial, saying the hon. gcntlemau was making one of the most deliberate statements ever made to that House. It was not true. Mr Speaker : That is not correct.

Mr Scobie Mackenzie : So you did. The Minister for Lands : I contradict your assertion. Such a thing never occurred during the past 12 months.

Mr Scobie Mackenzie reiterated his statement.

Tho Minister fcr Lands (with evident warmth) : How do you know ? Were you there ?

The Speaker again interposed : Hon. gentlemen must not address each other across the table.

The Minister for Lands said he wished to have the statement withdrawn.

The Speaker said that the member for Mount Ida must withdraw.

Mr Scobie Mackenzie said he was asked to withdraw by the Minister and not by the Speaker, and he declined to do bo. — (Cries of " Withdraw.") The Minister for Lands : Then all I have to

say, sir, is that you are no gentleman. — (Sensation.) Captain Russell : I move that these words be taken down. The poor Speaker after vainly essaying to make pence, is goaded into momentary and totally unexpected firmness. The Minister must withdraw and express regret. This ho doe?, as ungraciously as may be, and forthwith avenges himself by giving notice of motion to impeach Mr Speaker for his audacity. Again, take Wednesday's Parliamentary column of the Daily Times. Mr Fisher calls the Speaker's attention to A statement in the Now Zealand Times that some of the notices on the order paper were a disgrace to the House. ... He merely wished to siy now that he would deal with that flippant joung person, the Ministerial manager of that journal, when the Libel Bill was before the House. Presumably the reference is to some specially Fisheresque notice of motion, and this is the specially Fisheresque form of the retort courteous. •' That flippant young person" is of course the Hon. W. P. Reeves. Then Mr Speaker publicly abases himself before the wrathful Minister for Lands, and practically apologises for having dared to do his duty in calling him to order. Whereupon the wrathful Minister suffers himself to be placated, and magnanimously intimates that in the circumstancss he ia willing to overlook the matter and withdraw his motion. After this, Mr BallaLCci is baited by Sir George Grey over " those call?," and then iVIr Rolleston and hia brethren devote the rest of the afternoon to girding at the Government for supplying news to the New Zealand Times in derogation of the privileges of Parliament. And this is what is known as " transacting the business of tho country."

There seems to have been an exceptional grimness in the election contast just fought out in England. Mr James Payn, in the Illustrated London New?, laments the dearth of election humour. In the old time, he remaiks, the hard hitting that distinguished political life was tempered by epigrams, and even fun. All this seems to have disappeared. •' Neither the Primrose dames ncr their fair antagonists are the cause of any pretty speeches. Nobody offers to light their pipes at their eyes, as in the case of the electioneeting duchess, nor do they receive any encouragement to do so. Even the tister of serious Mr Wilberforce, when canvassing for her brother at Hull, indulged in a pleasant stroke of humour: when his partisans shouted 'Mis 3 Wilberforco for ever I ' she replied, • I thank you, gentlemen, for your good intentions, but I- do not wish to bo "Mi3s Wilberforce for ever 1"' One would have voted for that young lady's brother, whatever were his politics. A canvasser ol that kind would be worth a wilderness of caucuses ; but the species seems to be extinct."

Thus Mr Payn, who, being a hnmourist himself, thinks humour a prime necessity of existence, and the chief thing of interest even in a general election. To a certain extent I sympathise with him. Frcm the point of view of this column, politics and parties, imperial or colonial— Home Rule for Ireland and the M'Kenzie Land Bill, the dismemberment of the Empire and the calls to the Council — are interesting or the reverse according as they do or do not afford material for Passing Notes. A : areful perusal of the papers received by the mail has satisfied me that Mr Payn's complaint is in the main just. The striking feature of the election speeches on both sides is their 11 plentiful lack of wit." Both sides aie too much in deadly earnest, and grapple with fell intent of throttling each other. Small disposition has either to good-natured playfulness I One of the best things that 1 have discovered in the records of the campaign ia an incident of Mr Gladstone's candidature at Midlothian. A Mr Usher, by a series of nagging questions, had been trying to convict the candidate of approving the. murderous PJan of Campaign :—: — Mr Usher (rising again amid a further storm of hissing and noises) said : Then I understand that •Mr Gladstone, under the circumstances, approves of the Plan of Campaign.— (Renewed uproar).

Mr Gladstone (jumping up excitedly from his seat and pointing at Mr Usher) : I have nothing to do with this gentleman's understanding. I am not responsible for his understanding. — (Loud and prolonged cheers.) I am responsible for the understanding that the Almighty has been pleased to lodge in this skull of mine, but I am not responsible for the understanding that the Almighty has been pleased to lodge in that skull of his. — (Continued loud cheering). Mr Usher then retired from the platform.

Well he might I It would need a skilful questioner at an election meeting to take his change out of the Grand Old Campaigner. Civxs.